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Where I can express myself

Discussion in 'BoM Blogs' started by Dice, Jul 21, 2012.

  1. Dice

    Dice ★ SPS Account Holder Adored Veteran

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    Why are words such a powerful medium? But they have to be controlled and rearranged to suit the needs of the individual. These are thoughts I have when I am in my happy place.

    I'm in my happy place right now. I'm calm and avoid thoughts that are sharp places that I don't want to feel. It's better that way. Like a thin envelope around me that keeps me warm. Maybe I'm in a cocoon. I've always wondered what it is like to fly. Maybe I'm a butterfly.

    But not a monarch with yellow and black wings, or those ones with the smaller pretty blue wings, or the ones with the white wings that eat the cabbages. I think I would have brown wings with an interesting green pattern. I'm not sure what kind of butterflies those are, but I would be one of those. Because those are my colours.

    Happy place. What is that? It can be anything or anywhere. This isn't drunk free-writing but it's a kind of free-writing. And I don't have to focus right now on not being sad. Like I said ~ envelope ~ cocoon.

    I like not being sad. Its a good place to be. But not being sad involves finding the little pieces of you that are sadness and slicing them off. Preferably with surgical sterility so your scars can heal cleanly and look attractive. When the 'pieces of sad' have all been removed from you then you may proceed into the next room.

    When I was younger I actually had a visualization I would go to when I wanted to relax. I would be floating out on a soft raft in the middle of a shallow ocean. Not deep water because I used to have nightmares about deep water. But only nightmares when I was swimming on top of it. I had other kind of unusual dreams when I was swimming inside it and could breath water. There is something about looking at water from underneath and being a part of it that makes the water not scary, although I also remember there being some very large sea creatures in the distance that always made me uncomfortable.

    This is free free writing BTW because I'm not timing it and I don't care. Comfortably numb. I drank my anger the other day like a glass of red wine with a heavy alcohol content. It's rich and sharp and makes you drunk. Fury is a kind of drunk. Fury has no reason - it's a hurricane with power or a dust storm that leaves you gasping and coughing. I prefer to be with no sensation. Better to be at the centre of gravity where I am still and everyone else is moving around me so I can watch them.
     
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