Things the Characters In BG II Would Never Say...

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Jan: 'Enough talk! We've got work to do. Let's proceed in silence!'

Valygar: 'I wish I had something exciting to say... I want to be A LUMBERJACK! The mighty oak! The horse-chestnut! The LARCH! Swinging from tree to tree! etc etc...'

Aerie: 'Viconia, Jaheira, you wanna be my *****es? Ya - you two look so hot in leather armour - now kiss my leather boots before I give y'all a spanking *wink* *giggle* *wicked grin*. And <CHARNAME>, you can only join in if you're a good boy/girl *evil smirk*'

Mazzy: 'Room for a little one on top...?'

Keldorn: 'What the f*** are you on about Nalia? F*** the poor!'

 

Khalid: Let's kill that dragon over there, no wait better take care of those illithids first

Sarevok: Brother i probably dont say this enough, but I love you

Jaheira: wait one minute while i ressurect my dead husband, i mean I HAVE DONE IT BEFORE IN THE LAST GAME

Saemon: Why do you still trust me, i mean how dumb are you, i screwed you over like three times already!

Jierdan firkraag: Please dont kill me, if you dont ill give you this nifty sword i got on me!

 

Vampire: "I'm hungry - Let's go get a taco".

Anomen: "Righteousness shall NOT prevail here! Run like hell!!"

Minsc: "Bahht keekeeng - for the sheer thrill of it!"

Aerie: "I've heard such stories amongst my people - but I never believed you could SMOKE it!"

Aerie: "Being underground is not worthy of Ahreille - but it's fine for YOU dirt-eaters!"

<charname>: (using preselected sneaky-assassin voice) "Let's do this, slow and sloppy..."

 

After those long trips between locations, party members might get really bored...so they start humming a tune...Try to picture them humming these:

Minsc: (staring at Edwin/Edwina) ...lady in red...<Chris De Burgh>

Edwin/Edwina: (staring at Minsc) ...man! I feel like a woman!...<Shania Twain>

Korgan: ...if I had a hammer...<Trini Lopez>

Viconia: ...i'm a big, big girl in a big, big world...<don't remember>

Xan: ...what a wonderful world...<Louis Armstrong>

[ September 25, 2002, 20:31: Message edited by: r'Hant ]

 

in addition to r'Hant's post.

Edwin/Edwina to Minsc : "You made me feel like a natural woman." (Carol King)

PC to one of the other romancable NPC while romancing another one : "Won't you be my number two." (Joe Jackson)

Viconia to Keldorn : "Do you really want to hurt me." (Culture Club)

PC to Irenicus : "Everybody wants to rule the world." (Tears for Fears)

Anomen : "Losing my religion." (REM)

Aerie : "I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky, spread my wings and fly away... oops, I'm flying without wings." (R. Kelly & one of those boys band)

Aerie : "Believe it or not I'm walking on air, I never thought I could feel so free, flying away on a wing and a pray'r." (Greatest American Hero Theme - Joey Scarbury)

Jan : "Balu-baluba, they call me Mr. Boombastic, very fantastic." (Shaggy)

Edwin to Valygar : "You can do magic, you can have anything that you desire, magic.) (America)

Korgan to Mazzy : "Pretty woman, the kind I like to meet, pretty woman." (Roy Orbison)

Mazzy to Korgan : "Hey, you're such a pretty boy." (Depeche Mode)

 

Minsc: "Sword meet my evil. Evil meet sword"
Jaheira: "F*** the balance. This reputation is great."
Aeire: "Who was Chikkita Fastpaws anyway?"
Imoen: "Just like old times. Especially for the torture."
Nalia: "I'm never willing to help."

 

Keldorn: If you`re happy and you know it, clap your hands !!

Mazzy, Jaheira, Cernd, Minsc, Nalia and Sir Anomen:

They`re creepy and they`re kooky,
Mysterious and spooky,
They`re alltogether ooky,
The Addams Family;

Their house is a museum,
When people come to see'um,
They realy are a scre'um,
The Addams Family;

So put a witch`s shawl on,
A broomstick you can crawl on,
We`re gonna take a call on,
The Adams Family.

Nalia (backed up by Imoen), to anyone who is needy:
We will, we will, ROCK YOU !!

 

Aerie: It will be a time of great strife
when the moons are united in darkness
and the dead shall walk the earth once more

 

Kitrax you make me laugh

Now let's have a go shall we:
__________________________________________

Aerie: Now, let's have a go shall we?

Jaheira: You know <CHARNAME>, Khalid always was a whining sniveling bastard.

Mazzy: I bet <CHARNAME>'s package is the size of an eggplant.

 

Minsc: "Oh Gods, they all thaught I was retarded, just cause I talk to my hamster. Actually, this is no hamster, this is a stupid yellow rat I found in the sewers! Acting stupid has so many advantages.... What? Aw crap, their listening Boo!"

 

ok... i've got a few,

PC: Imoen bend over, insest isnt illegal for the next 3 or 400 years

Minsc: SH*T im touching cloth, move the f**k out the way.

Irenicus: So, how you doin?

 

lol, you got that from friends - Joey says that!

hmm...



PC - You can take my soul and shove it where the sun don't shine

Elliseme - 'ullo, I'm t' queen round 'ere und wha' I says gos round dis wee town, I'll be wit ye in a sec, I jus' got t' muck the pigs and get a posho accent from t' library

Bhodi - I am bhodi, this is my lair, exits are located at the front and far end, please turn your mobile phones off and no flash cameras - you'll scare the residences. In case of emergency the emergancy exit is located to your left, we cannot be responsible for any blood loss during your stay.

 

Saemon Havarian: "Actually, no-one's going to fall for that, I'll just be honest."

Sarevok: "<charname> I am your fath- brother....can we do this again?"

Gorion: " Just take the brat if it means that much to you!"

Tiax: "Tiax is your humble servant, oh yes...."

 

Minsc: Boo? why are we fighting evil??
Boo: meep beep
Minsc: Boo, youre the lousiest pet I ever bought, <charname> stay here I´m going to check for a refund. Then im torching his store and push in his children, wife and Boo.
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA
Good meet sword, sword say hello to Good

 

Boo: GHAA!! what have i done to deserve to live in this fat giants pocket?
Anomen: Whatever...
Irenicus: Why are everyone so selfish? pepole should help each other.
Korgan: Friend hug, everyone hugs the person next to you.
Irenicus: Dont you just love the feeling you have in your body when you are togheter with someone you really like?
Irenicus: I give, youre more powerfull then me.
Irenicus: I really could use a hug right now.
Irenicus: Im sorry if i have hurt you. i didnt know what is was doing. Will you ever forgive me? Please?
Nalia: You shouldnt talk to those pepole <charname>. What do you think pepole would think about you.
Korgan: Alright, lets all sit down in silence to think in what we have done today and what we want to tomorrow.

 

Korgan: Oh Imoen! I love your Hair! Who did it?
Minsc: Why, I did of course, my good man, and fellow adventurer.
Edwin: MMMMMMM!!!! Korgan! You simply must get me the recipe for these gingersnaps! They are to die for!
Yoshimo: Yo, STFU, biotch! Those be MY cookies! Don' make me bust a cap in yo' as$!
Korgan: Oh, Yoshi! You're so overprotective!
Aerie: You are THE most repulsive band of maggots I've ever had the displeasure to be with! I'd rather saw my legs off, and not even be able to walk! I preferred being an illusion-ogre!
Bhaalspawn: HEY! SHUT UP! I'm on the phone here!
shee-eesh. Anyway, I was just calling to wish you a happy father's day, dad!
Bhaal: Ah, that's sweet, son! You know, living in the Abyss isn't so bad when you call. Okay, okay! I'm telling him! And Sarevok says hi.

AND THE GRAND FINALE:

Boo: I. Hate. The. Material. Plane. Jeez, I gave up being a giant space hamster for this ?!?! Oh, I mean Squeek squeek!

 

Viconia: Dearest Anomen, although i come from a matriach driven society, ill be your little sex toy if you want.

Anomen: Only if that sexy scarlet in red joins in. Come on over here honeya nd sit on my knee.

Edwin: That f**king quest ended over 3 f**king chpaters ago you stupid f**king twit!!!! Get the f**k out of my bloody way!!! Jesu.. I mean.. oh bugger it.., Jesus you are plenty f**king thick!!!!! <CHARNAME>, lets beat this damn f**ker and all his damn pansyness out of him. Damn boy, you really should have met Stalin, he was at least 8 times worse than your bloody arse f**king father of yours!!! I bet your bloody sister was glad that she died instead of continuing as her fathers Courtesan!!! DAMN!!! Bloody pansy clerics. Dwarf, we leave. Take their things and kill them all. Except the black one, she humours me.

Dwarf: Right o bag of trix. Come on baby, your coming with me.

 

Sarevok: Let us Pray.

Jan: any sentence with the word "radish".

Mellisan: Can we at least discuss this?

Jonaleth Irenicus: I feel so empty this morning.

 

Ellesime: Take me back Jonaleth!
Aerie: You know, I worked in a brothel before joining the circus.
Jaheira: Khalid who?
Korgan: Won't someone hug the dwarf?
Minsc: The square of the hypotenuse of a right triangle is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides.
Nalia: I am just a clone of your sister with worse stats and a bad attitude.
Edwin: You are far superior to me in every way.
PC: This guide by Extremist says that if I say this to you, that you will sleep with me.

 

Viconia: Does anyone want a cookie? Anyone? C'mon, I just baked 'em, nice and fresh!

Jaheira: Oh yes, I would love one. You know Viconia, I certainly think I was wrong about you before. You're so different from the other drow I've met. Say, I know of this great little restaurant in town..

Viconia: That sounds wonderful! And maybe tomorrow, we can go sunbathing!

OR

Aerie: Damnit! I broke a damn nail!

Keldorn: Here, hold on, I have a file you can use...Oh honey, take a look at your nail-beds...

OR

Minsc: You know, Haer-Dalis, I've always been very interested in opera. I still think I would be smashing as the lead in Carmen.

Haer-Dalis: You know, I think you're right. I bet we could have our own inner-party production. Oh, and I bet Jan would be great as the bull-fighter.

Jan: Whatever.