The Wand of Absolute Ruling

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1st( evil, if you are angelic, than don't read it)
See some of my enemies slain by something scaaaaary
2nd turn the world into forgotten realms
3rd Become an adventurer
4th Meet minsc&boo

 

If you could rule the world, in a big big castle, with the Wand of Absolute Ruling...how would you change the world and why?

This is what I would do..


1.) Demand 0.5 % RULER TAX from all working folk every two weeks and in return I will have soup stations set up in all poor areas to feed all the bums and financially struggling.

2.) Offer worldwide psycho-therapy to all troubled people who know nothing but misery. Kill off all volatile people who refuse to be treated.

3.) Initiate a world-wide subterrannean real-estate construction program to accomodate for over-population.

4.) Put any rebels or individuals with violent intent against my empire on a 1-year anti-depressant/tranquilizer asylum program, and repeat offenders will be sent to the Moon (when lunar prisons are implemented).

5.) Initiate a worldwide Virtual Reality Network where people can slip into a suffer-free unreality. When perfected, all who have served their Master well and commited no crimes can choose to participate for established periods of time. This way, they have good reason to live out their lives without opposing my order. Serious offenders will be enrolled in the "endless nightmare" Virtual Reality program until their bodies fail from imaginary danger and pain. A most horrible fate.

6.) Government staff will be treated most generously as long as they stand by their duties, and the Wand will handle any problems related with deception and treachery.

7.) Unify the entire world to my Order, no more conflicting States and bickering amongst politicians. I will have a super-conscious-computer program made up to help me in the law-making process if I get tired of making up my own laws. All will be offered a decent education. All will otherwise be allowed to continue to live out their lives as they please.

8.) Move all stoners to Guam, move all crack/heroine addicts to Madagascar, move all speed addicts to Antartica. Legalize Ecstasy, more love and happiness! They won't be needing they're brain's anymore.

9.)Require all Nerds to be trained in a martial arts and encourage Jocks to pick on Nerds.

10.)Build mansions, estates, and private properties in all attractive locales around the world where I can freely visit. Seize all hotels and leisure/tourist related businesses and receive a percentage of all income.

11.)In the process of it all, make new friends, eat, drink, sleep, and exercise well, become incredibly self-confident and powerful, see if money really buys me happiness, have a chic-flow system like Hefner has done, and spend the rest of my life enjoying life and growing as an individual! HA!

-MM

 

First off, this wardrobe has got to go. No more dressing like I make less than the median American wage. From now on, I'm draping myself in velvet and wearing lots of heavy gold jewelry. Then I will outlaw pimps from wearing the same, just so that there's no confusion.

Secondly, people have to teach me their language. I don't want any gossiping about the king when he's right there listening. I'll start with Spanish and work my way down to Urdu. Just in case there're any priests around, I'll pick up Latin and Church Slavonic too.

Next, no one is allowed to be smarter than I am. While this will have little effect on you here at SP, I may have to drill out the heads of a couple of people, or at least separate their frontal lobes.

Fourth, I will hire Poodle as court jester. Whenever he fails to entertain me, I shall destroy a country. Starting with Iraq and moving quickly to... oh, say... France.

Lastly, everyone will be forced to change their name to some derivitive of "Shralp." I, of course, will remain the one and only Shralp, but everyone else must prefix or suffix. Examples include Talu-Shralp, Extreme-Shralp, and Sir Belishralp.