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Some Poetry

Discussion in 'Creativity Surge' started by Dorion Blackstar, Jan 24, 2003.

  1. Dorion Blackstar Gems: 7/31
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    I thought I would post some poems I had written over the years and see what you guys thought.
    Feel free to post some of your own here if you want.

    My Fathers Chair

    Could I?
    Should I?

    It sits alone deep in the corner there
    Connected to the ceiling by some cobwebs
    You know the chair with dust upon it never rocked again

    I feel so mad I never had the choice to make
    Of love and life
    conditions of the heart and faith
    You never knew how hard it was for me in
    my times of despair

    Could I?
    Should I?

    I never felt so betrayed and lost and strung along and left for dead

    I stood for hours wondering if I could sit in it
    it
    to be that man,the man the one that runs the family
    I never knew how hard it would it would be to stand in the shadow of this man

    Now Mama gave me his shoes
    told me to fill them
    She kissed my cheek
    she shed some tears
    she gave no reason
    But how could I walk in his shoes if I never sat in his chair

    (And)I never felt so afraid
    alone and lost and sometimes wishing for death
    Im alone I'm afraid
    Stay here by myself,for awhile maybe just a day

    Little boy and girl down by the riverbed
    They're making plans for life
    they're making promises
    But how can they have that life when they're shadowed by the chair

    Mama wanted the boy
    for him to be proud
    She wanted him to walk around
    and keep the name alive
    She wanted her son
    to be the man that his daddy was

    Could I?
    Should I?

    Thats it the first installment.Hope you like it?Until later....

    [ January 24, 2003, 17:47: Message edited by: Dorion Blackstar ]
     
  2. Oaz Gems: 29/31
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    I think this is pretty interesting and insightful poem about the expectations of your future from your past and such.
     
  3. Rallymama Gems: 31/31
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    Wow. Powerful stuff.

    My own father died before I was adult enough to get to really know him, and your words literally brought tears to my eyes.
     
  4. Eilonwy Gems: 8/31
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    It is very nice. And sad.
    I cried when I read it...
    But hey, it is late and I am depressed.
    Its the only explaination I have.
     
  5. Dorion Blackstar Gems: 7/31
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    Thanks for the kind words.I am sorry for your loss Rallymama,that kind of thing has a profound effect on children,some of what i was going for in that poem.
    Now the hard part I opened with my best how to follow up.
    This one is called
    No End

    I'd never make you cry,at night,alone
    when everything,you ever had,is gone

    Feel my heart beat a thousand times
    in my mind,in the middle of nowhere

    See me shivering in the thick of night
    I have nothing to hold onto
    To carry me through the darkside

    'cause I'll be high enough for suicide
    And letting him breathe down upon me
    'cause I am not trying
    To be exchanged for some personal madness
    OF journeying deep inside me
    I want to travel onward
    Sitting beside myself
    Turning pictures in my mind
    Hanging from the the walls of my conscience
    sliding into my inner soul
    To haunt me,to haunt me

    Twelve o'clock at night ,when the raven
    screams my name
    They're coming to get me
    I've done too many wrongs
    and not enough rights to make it through
    another night,another day
    Take me away

    Desperate times call
    for desperate measures
    Lost in a world of your own identity
    Trying to find yourself in a hallway
    Of different faces and different names
    I'm calling for you
    I' calling for you now
     
  6. 8people

    8people 8 is just another way of looking at infinite ★ SPS Account Holder Adored Veteran

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    [​IMG] Wow, I think both of your poems are brilliant, Dorion. They are easy to understand and have a meaning people can probably relate to.
     
  7. GreyCrow Gems: 3/31
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    Posting Poetry, hmm... don't mind if I do. Thank You for the oppurtunity. I agree, those were some emotion inducing words and thoughts. Thank You for sharing.
    Yeah I wrote poems on and off,I guess I still do. I started again, I wrote Two on 01-22-03. I'll post the first one this time, and the second one later. I have no titles for them though suggestions are welcomed.

    Falling and Flying
    and knowing I'm dying
    Insanity is the best
    Not a care in this world
    Everything is so much simpler
    When an Angel falls is it because it forgot how to fly
    Or maybe it just wanted to die
    When a Demon lies you can see it in the eyes accompanied with a smirk of deception
    They showed me what I could be
    Only turn the other way
    They showed me what I could have
    Just say no to the truth
    They told me who would be mine
    Now
    Give up on Humanity
    I am who I am meant to be
    What do I need
    I am who I am
    Their world needs me I do not need them
    She will find me when She is ready
    I will wait for destiny
     
  8. Dorion Blackstar Gems: 7/31
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    Welcome Greycrow that was goodstuff keep them coming.This one is a little more lighthearted.
    It is called Killing December Trees.

    Dormant Lain
    Awaken at Dawn
    By life's light
    Blood sun rays
    Majestic structure of skin and bone
    Spread like fingers
    Catching wind like a spiders web
    Dry bark skin
    Protecting fleshy organs
    OH no-not agin
    This house shelters againts will
    Killing December Trees

    Sun change as the earth moves
    Leaves spread like blotters on a toungue
    Both yeilding colors of titantic proportion
    Yellow,orange,and brown
    sway like an ocean ship
    Monopolize the horizen
    On a balmy autumn day

    Killing December trees

    Crying technicolor tears
    Fall to the ground
    make no noise,flying all around
    and if you stare into December trees
    They will fill your mind
    until the sun shine agains

    Killing December Trees
    Killing December Trees

    Thanks 8people you are too kind......
     
  9. The Irreligious Paladin Gems: 7/31
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    Dorion, all I can say is... Kick Ass. Your poems were very very good. The metaphors and such run rampant. Excuse me if I sound a little flippant or sarcastic, but I can't think straight, as i have forgone taking my handful of pills today.

    GreyCrow, wonderful. I saw in your words a virtual parallel to my own thoughts and writings. So good. And again I'm sorry if you feel skeptical as to my praise of your work, but I am a little off-beat today.

    And Since I'm feeling extra cool today, I'll try my own. So I take the plunge into that everlasting creative abyss of my own clouded mind.
    _____________________
    The Crossroads

    For seasons on end the changes begin,
    What once was so clear seems hazy and thin.
    The scene of carnage should enflame my soul,
    But instead I stand passionless, empty, not whole.

    The very essence of instinct is altered and blurred,
    When before I had direction, I know not where to turn.
    The road is forked into two sorrowful paths,
    One straight to death, the other life, but my very being will I lack.

    Take them and live, at the price of my spirit,
    Or leave them and die, a wicked choice, I can't bear it.
    Let it end tomorrow, however it can,
    For I cannot go through life as a completely different man.
     
  10. Oaz Gems: 29/31
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    Well, I think both previous poems, Killing December Trees and The Crossroads, are pretty profound and insightful, to say the least. The only problem I have with the former is the spelling and grammar; the only problem I have with the latter is that the wording could be a bit better.

    But seriously, I think both are very well-done. I think it'd be a good idea to submit poetry or other works to a local literary journal or magazine. :)

    [ January 27, 2003, 03:04: Message edited by: C'Jakob ]
     
  11. Dorion Blackstar Gems: 7/31
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    Wow their are some great writers on this board that was really good Paladin.
    Here is one that is more of a story.
    It is called
    Mother Mary

    Little girl she sits on the corner
    Little girl she's waiting on a ride
    Fifteen year old Mother Mary in disguise
    She knows what she's got to do
    to make things right
    She lives between hell and nowhere
    All the junkies give her reason to live
    Her mama's so strung out ,
    She can't even see things straight

    Can't teach the kids wrong from right
    She never knew her daddy's name
    Never heard him speak words of wisdom in her ear
    Mother Mary in disguise

    WHY-did this have to be?
    HOW-did this all come to be?
    WHEN-will my life be the same?(she says)
    PLEASE-that girl prays to god

    Little girl she walks by the corner
    Little girl she aint taking no more rides
    She's got alot to do to feed the kids
    She's my Mother Mary in disguise
    She's my Mother Mary in disguise

    From whence she came and then she goes around again
    I never knew how hard it would be for her
    to do all the things that she wanted to do

    She did it for me,and she did it for her
    She did it for love(Mother Mary)
    She did it for love(Mother Mary)
     
  12. GreyCrow Gems: 3/31
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    Time for Number Two. About that "parallel to my own thoughts and writings", I would say a coincidence, except I don't believe in them. :D
    Why would I believe you to be insincere? :confused:

    Have you traveled to the Moon
    Have you felt Her glowing skin
    Sing a song to Her at night
    Howling into skyless clouds
    vieled from sight of stones
    Four Crows flying by
    Caws of the poetry of their might
    Lunatics
    How could they avoid Her
    silent stare from high above
    No clouds are there
    Far down below are creators who cannot see
    GreyCrow is not one GreyCrow is He
    Many nights have gone by
    like leaves and feahters floating
    in and out of half-realities
    sharing councils thoughts and bodies
    To see with the Eye of the Beholder
    is to be insane
    To be with the Beholder of the Eye
    is to see insane
    To follow me is a choice
    Choose to die a death that cannot be condemned
    Choose to live a life that you call a lie
     
  13. aegron Gems: 8/31
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    Ok I'd like to post one as well. I wrote it last fall.

    Love over Life

    I am standig at the edge of the world.
    Below is darkness, silence everywhere.
    The only thing left is downwardly hurled,
    The earth is naked, the pine coffin bare

    Sad tears are dropping heav’ly on my head,
    and inside me an angry voice does roar:
    “Gone so quick, why is my beloved dead?
    Why will I never see her anymore?”

    Then suddenly a bird begins to sing
    A beam of molten gold shines upon me
    And inside me a peaceful voice does ring
    “oh my little one why can you not see!

    This grave is a new start not a dead end,
    for in His endless love, God Christ did send!”

    perhaps I'll post some more (too bad a lot of the poems are in Dutch)

    [ January 27, 2003, 16:49: Message edited by: aegron ]
     
  14. The Irreligious Paladin Gems: 7/31
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    Dorion, that poem was awe-inspiring. I could hear being sung in my head as a very powerful rock song. It was cool. And Greycrow, i'm sorry but i've gotten paranoid as of late and for lack of a better reason I'll blame it on the steroids.

    ________________________________
    Pardise Twist

    Long to be with me,
    Bask in my glory.
    You've been good,
    This I enjoy.

    Come sit at my hearth,
    And breathe of my virtue.
    Drink of my wine,
    Taste of my herb.
    Welcome to my Sweet Haven.

    Dream to be near me,
    I am breathtaking.
    You worship well,
    Here, your reward.
    My Beautiful Chill Haven.
    --------------------------------------------------------------
    PS- Generally in POETRY poets are granted a certain amount of artistic liscense, meaning grammer is thrown out the window.

    PPS- Don't just read the poem, read the feeling as well, Search for the ultimate metaphor.

    [ January 28, 2003, 00:32: Message edited by: The Irreligious Paladin ]
     
  15. ashen_rumble Gems: 1/31
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    [​IMG] I wrote this for my girlfriend, so you might not completely understand some of what I'm talking about but I thought I'd post it anyway...I hope you enjoy it!

    Black mocha chocolate brown
    Deep flashing careless frown
    Brilliant eyes in a beautiful face
    Brushing away all the cares of this place

    Slender arms and hidden strength
    Graceful arch along back's length
    Pounding heart and burning fire
    Pave the path of freed desire

    Gentle after, soothing touch
    Lighthearted smile proves too much
    Freed from earth only to know
    Feather-soft touch of heaven's snow

    Winter beauty steals my soul
    Draws me in won't let me go
    Only woman of such great renown
    My black mocha chocolate brown
     
  16. Dorion Blackstar Gems: 7/31
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    Anther well written poem GreyCrow I like the imagery in this one.
    Welcome Aegron that one was realy sad.I think you did a good job of exposing your heart there.
    Suprising you should say that paladin all my poems were written as song lyrics for a band I used to play in.I played in bands from about 1988 to 1999.we released four tapes and four cds so I have plenty more coming.I liked your poem by the way it sounded a little cocky to me I like that.
    Wow Ashen that was great I bet she realy was moved by your words.

    This is turning out better than I hoped keep them coming guys.
    Ok my turn again it seems.

    This one is called Propaganda and seems to fit the times we are in now.

    The Demise of Mankind
    Nothing seems to falter.
    No one seems to hold up.
    A new Dawn is near.
    We're all at the brink of destruction
    we can try to come to grips,get it togehter
    WE need to stand together as one UNITED together
    but as one

    As one you wont be alone you wont be aloud these feelings, Feelings of granduer now.
    feeling you wont be around when it all comes crashing down inside your mind and then recycles back down deep through your psyche it will all seem to float downstream with feelings of granduer now and feeling it wont be over now

    A post Neo-apocalyptic dream that seems to stain as well as cascades down the conscience of America.
    So what are you all fighting for,what do you belive in
    Do you feel as though things are going to change just for the sake of changing
    What do you think there doing to you?
    Whats in the water?
    What are they feeding your mind?Turn off your televisions.YOur TV is god.
    WE need to stop and think and unite.
    Think as a people not as individuals.

    And all the blood soaked red,white,and blue,and stars that seem to glisten in ones mind
    Still cant help but to support that the wheels of progress must turn!
    Crushing all the man made virtues that are here at last...before man....before God..
    HOPE!!!
    FAITH!!!
    FAME!!!
    RESPECT!!
    RELIGION!!
    A REVOLUTION!!
    PEACE!!!

    I know that was along one will keep it shorter next time.Keep those great poems coming guys.
     
  17. Eze Gems: 24/31
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    Eze claps and claps and claps

    You people are wonderfully talented. I was thinking that these would be VERY GOOD rock songs. Great, great, great. I would post my crap too, if they were in English.

    Eze claps on and on and on, until others become annoyed
     
  18. Dorion Blackstar Gems: 7/31
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    This has been down for awhile but here is a new one.

    Dandelion King

    I am the King of the Dandelion.
    The grass is my fortress.
    The trees are my freinds.
    I am the one,yes the sole provider.
    I only come here seeking the knowledge.
    Under the earth,plotting my arrival.
    I am coming,yes,I am coming home.
    Befriending my enemy with a knife in my hand.

    I am the one,the only survivor.
    Worshipped by many and loved by none.
    Respect is a word that is gained by power.
    Yes, the Dandelion will REIGN AGAIN!

    All around the world,they will be on top.
    Smack down to the bottom.
    They will rise as a powerful nation.
    THe Dandelion King
    Thats who I am,thats who I'll be
    I said the Dandelion King

    They will Reign.

    As a side note I suggest anyone who posts poetry or stories for that matter check the copyright laws in your country and protect yourself before posting.That is if you plan to use the material in an attempt to get published.Protect your creation.
    Until next time.
     
  19. Register Gems: 29/31
    Latest gem: Glittering Beljuril


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    [​IMG] Dead man last letter

    Home to his mom and dad
    He writes his last letter
    On the question: why isn't there any answer
    This is what he wrote:

    I have layed in my isolationcell
    And choked my remorse with pride
    But I cried like a child last night.
    It is true as you already now
    I have myself confessed at last
    That I have made this terrible crime
    Not even my pride could take it
    All jester were only bullets in the dark
    In twelve hours my judge come true
    Then I will not excist anymore
    I am totally empty
    But I have always loved you

    An eye for an eye
    Is a life for a life
    So hate the crime
    But love the judged

    He is putted in a chair
    A needle stings in his arm
    He quietly accepts his place
    But in his head there is an alert
    Eyes of hate gazes upon him
    Now when the judgement bell will clang
    That justice at last won
    So the victims a little revenge can get
    Slowly the poison starts to work
    A cloud is all he see
    His last shout still is heard;
    I never want to hate again
    A crime that can't be forgiven
    A punishment that can't be forgotten
    Even a murderer can cry
    And Hatred can never be forgotten

    An eye for an eye
    Is a life for a life
    So hate the crime
    But love the judged

    [ February 21, 2003, 18:18: Message edited by: Ivanji ]
     
  20. Dorion Blackstar Gems: 7/31
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    Here is on called

    Overcast Days

    Lay me down gently and speak to me for a while.
    Your words are the substance to help me in this hour.
    There is no more need for medicine.
    You are my focus from the pain(she said).
    My religion is my bed in which I shall lay ordained.

    These overcast days are a beginning and an end.
    These overcast days has taken her last wind.

    Now wipe away your tears...wipe them clean from your eyes.
    As she dreams of a paradise,promised by her god.
    Now if this life is destined,by life which is the court.
    Then you can be my jester,bringing laughter to my heart.

    These overcast days are a beginning and an end.
    These overcast days have taken her last wind.
    These overcast days will be revered.
    These overcast days will soon be clear.

    Now sound off all your sirens.
    Confirming our worst fears.
    She's gone.....

    Maybe one day I will write a happy one.Until next time......
     
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