Relationship Rant thread

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Why is every relationship that I had with a jealous person arrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

 

What do you understand as a jealous person?

 

right now, I want to scream. So I know friendship cann be mistaken for love. Sure. Been there, donte that. But there are things that go beyond friendship, and if the bastard didn't meanb them, he bloody well was leading me on.

I hhear tequila calling my name.

 

I feel ya, I am that bastard, it just goes back and forth like a perfect game of tennis...

*hands ara the tequila*

 

There's actually a positive accent to it, Ara. If he has been leading you on, he isn't worth crying for. In short, the sooner you are rid of him the better. Rejoice. That's a reason to party, not to cry.

 

I need to point out that I cannot work in Canada. I don't have the proper papers from Immigration and the Social Insurance Number. On to the rant.

My hubby hates his job. Fine, no problem. I've had jobs I hated, too. His job is giving him so much stress he has more kidney stones, haemmeroids (tmi ) and spends an *hour* on the toilet! Who spends that much time sitting the toilet *trying* to do your business?!? The whole point of this is he's been ill - mostly psychosematic, some real. He went to work on Monday, got the chills and a fever and came home. His place of work is either blistering hot (25C!) or the air conditioning is on at 8am! Tuesday, he ate his lunch and promptly threw it up, resulting in him dragging himself home that afternoon. He was still sick Wednesday, so called in absent. Thursday and today, he didn't even *try* to go to work. How can I be supportive if he won't try to get to work everyday? Also, the last three days, he didn't even set his alarm clock to go off in the morning.

He scans the job bank online each day and sends out his resume. He's doing what he can to get a different job. I suppose the real frustrating part is I can't do a damn thing! Because I'm an immigrant, I can't get a job and get a second income coming in to help out. My boiling point is getting closer and closer! He needs a job in order for my immigration to be completed, but I can't justify his working at his current job anymore.

Hopefully, things will get better before his folks get back from 'wherever'. I do *not* want to hear his mother going on and on about how irresponsible her second son is.

 

He may seriously need help. I can barely imagine anything more frustrating for a guy than being unable to get a job or a good job or a job you can put up with.

 

He's seriously thought about 'Project Entropia' - a game which allows players to make money which can then be converted into IRL money. I keep prostitution in mind as a back-up - I won't need papers for it because it's illegal anyway. These are the thoughts we have when we can't afford to buy gum! And I mean the gum for a quarter in the gumball machines at your local mall.

I may just come out and tell him to put in his walking papers. It's a decision between money for various reasons and his health.

 

This thread is booooming, I say!

 

This is my rant....dog people and cat people should not get married! Fine if you like them both but it really sucks that my husband of 7 years is giving my cat of 15 years a hard time just because she isn't allowed to go outside in the new place we live. It is not her fault that she can't go outside. I change the litter box every second day. He goes on and on about how only dogs are true companions, will look after you...etc and that cats are just around because you feed them. Not true. My cat has been my companion for a hell of a lot longer than my husband has and she never tells me what to do! When I've been sick she stays close to me. I have never ever had problems with mice. Most of all, she is loving. We have a new baby in the house and instead of being jealous she is still her soft sweet self and even goes to check on the baby when he is lying on the bed or somewhere else she can walk by.

Now he is trying to convince me that our quality of life is worse because we have to watch the door every time we open it so that she doesn't escape. If I have to give her up I will blame him.

 

Nice rant, Dragonfly. Why would you have to give the cat up?

 

Dropping addictions or bad habits I understand, but getting rid of a pet? I don't think it's right to move into someone's life and demand such changes. Your cat sounds like a wonderful creature, Dragonfly.

 

Personally, I'd let hubby stay outside with the dog and let my cat sleep in bed with me. I like cats and would rather have the animal equivalent of a young adult than three year old. People have dogs in order to have something to feel intellectually superior over.

I say start asking him about booting out his dog. Some people have no concept of what something feels like until it happens to them. Since there's a newborn in this mix, that might be part of his problem - hubby doesn't think he's getting enough of your attention.

 

Hmmmm, something's up with hubby, there, Dragonfly. How long ago did he start on this 'anti-cat' bend?

I like all kinds of animals (and they all like me...unfortunately even parasites like mosquitos ) and I'd be the first to say mankind never domesticated the cat - it showed up hunting its food from the vermin getting into our newly-stored grain from agriculture.

But you have an admirable example of felis domesticus in your household; one I'd love to live with, despite my mild dander allergy!

So, back to my original point - sumtin's up with da man. Any work problems? Health problems on his part? He may be transferring something more serious onto this rather trivial crusade against your pet.

To be honest, the only legitimate argument I could make about ridding your household of feline occupants would be the cat's advanced age: "It's suffering and in pain" blah-blah-blah. I'd only use that tack if it WERE true - cat obviously having problems, frequent visits to the vet, etc. In essence, I'd be looking at the cat's quality of life, not mine.

Add to this, you noted you've been married *seven* years; anyone remember a certain Marilyn Monroe film? (I've been married six-and-a-half, so far - I'm looking forward to 'that itch': it'll mean my rating on the Stray-o-Meter[tm] will go from negative to zero ) This 'discomfort' may be venting itself against your cat? (who knows what's goin' on in his head; I ain't The Shadow)

In all honesty, I can't say what motive is behind his lobbying for the cat's removal, but a) there IS something ulterior, and 2) it ain't altruism.

Kuemper may have a good idea there - many arguments against keeping a dog:

~probably eats more, being larger - how many men have *little* dogs?

~just as 'damaging' to your quality of life (if it's inside you're gonna have to watch that door for the pup as much as for the cat)

~if it's a big dog (see 1st point) it'll get hip dysplasia; I had a German Shepard when I was with my folks and we eventually had to put the girl down after about three operations and she still couldn't make it up the back steps into the house. sigh.

But in summary, I'm not the best person to help with this problem - I can't see liking one sort of animal and hating another...

 

Actually we don't have a dog...he just thinks dogs are better than cats. If we had a dog also I'm sure I would love it as much.

What is going on in his head is that now that Ghosty (her name) is not allowed to go outside, after many years of having that liberty, she is complaining a lot about it and trying to sneak outside everytime the door opens. Also, because she can't go outside, she uses her litterbox a lot more frequently. My husbands computer is in the basement near where we keep the cat-box and we can't really relocate either the catbox or the computer. But like I said I am the one who cleans the catbox and I do it often.

If I do have to give her up (although my husband seems to be calming down a bit about her) she would go to my mothers place in the country. I know she would be fairly happy with her and would be able to go outside as often as she wishes.

There are also a few other stresses in our lives (mostly financial) so I think there is a lot going on in his head.

 

I hate cats -- with a passion bordering on pathological. My logic when it comes to pets is this -- the pet is a factor that constantly annoys a non-pet person. It stinks (no matter how often it's mess is cleaned) it gets hair everywhere, it's underfoot, and it just sucks.

While many people say "if you really love your spouse, you wouldn't ask them to part with something so dear to their heart." My response is "if you really love your spouse, you wouldn't constantly, day in and day out, ask them to live with something they can't stand." I broke up with a girl once because bottom line was, I was perfectly willing to make her the most important person in my life, but I was damned if I was going to play second fiddle to a cat. If I make her #1, it isn't too much to want to be her #1 as well.

 

@ Dragonfly: if your cat is attached to you, she may stay around even though you've just moved. We let our two cats out the third day after we moved house and they've never given us any grief, apart from the Burmese, who keeps jumping into cars. The pizza guys usually bring him back....

 

She is old, and she would stay in the yard. The problem is the rules of our complex say that we are not allowed to have our cats outside even when they are licenced.

Iasgalen, your burmese sounds very charming.

 

That's a really stupid rule. You can't tell a cat what to do! Thats like having a rule that children can't cry while outside

 

Relationships are depressing. As if my own history weren't sufficient, I've been talking for a couple of days to a friend whose girlfriend can't make up her mind but can't realise she can't, either. She keeps telling him stories of how other guys are great and graciously granting that perhaps he isn't bothering her when he phones. Each time such things happen and he talks to her about it, she apologises and tells him she loves him... and the thing happens again. Sounds like some of my exes and could have beens.