Relationship Rant Thread #6

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Been together for five months and may need financial help from my boyfriend already

I need to get together over £700 for accomidation and money for retakes. My parents were going to help me - but they need the money themselves now.

The £650 I had to give to the ex would be damned useful around now

 

Whew!

Long time, no post.

First off, Rags, that was hilarious. I probably would have done the same, only without the thought of getting rid of him. I'm that nice.


Second, and the point I post: I've had my first date in 11 years last Wednesday. I already wrote about the woman in RRT #4 (I think), so it's been a long time coming. I made my first advances last winter with little gifts, compliments and so on. I then asked her out in June, but she turned me down. Last week, I took an opportunity that opened because our RPG group had to pause. I'm shy, what can I do?

Anyway, I originally meant to meet her on Monday, but due to a communication hiccup she didn't show up. So I went to her flat to ask what was wrong. It turned out that we hadn't really spoken about a concrete date beforehand. The whole situation was a bit embarrassing because she opened the door in her bathrobe. Luckily, she's not the kind of woman who wilts like a flower in such a situation (which is one reason I like her). She actually invited me in.

So we meet on Wednesday (cinema, 'Coraline'), and the whole thing is a bit awkward. We talk about small things like her job and movies in general, but the whole thing seems a bit strained. We are both quite reserved. I am fairly inexperienced and insecure about dating and women I like, and maybe she reacted to that.

Well, we both enjoyed the movie, and I accompany her a bit down the street. She says that she had fun (in a tone that sounded a bit exxagerated), and I ask her if we can meet again. She says Yes, again in the same tone, and I respond: "That sounds a bit sceptical." She seems to think about that for a few seconds and finally answers: "No, actually not." (She meant she wasn't sceptical about it. The sentence looses somewhat in translation.)

After saying that, she quickly changes the subject, and shortly after that, we say our good-byes. I offered her to walk her home (which is in walking distance to the theatre). But she said that wasn't necessary.


So, long story short, here I am, totally confused. I have very little experience with relationships (she doesn't know that, yet). For me, there are several possibilities the date went down as it did.

First, she's as insecure as me. Could be, since I know her for quite a time now, and she never told about any other men in her life (and she's the type that would have told us.). So, I'm fairly sure that she had no relationship(s) in the past 3 years.

Second, she expected me to be more aggressive and was disappointed that I didn't try to do whatever. I don't know.

Third, she didn't see it as a date. I don't think so, though. I hinted at how I feel for her in the past, and she did made an effort to look good, I believe. She didn't wear her work outfit (I felt somewhat underdressed in my jeans and button-up shirt), and had put on perfume (a delicious one at that), which she doesn't do normaly. No make-up (she never wears that), though, and her hair looked a bit mussed.

That's it. I may have a foot in the door, but I still am really uncertain about the whole thing. I just had to get that off my chest.

 

Humm, how do you tell someone who you like that you want them to change the way they kiss? As in, the girl I like is into theatre (and does a ton), and so she stage-kisses, which are great for the stage, but awful in real life (way too noisy/too much puckering of the lips, etc). It makes it difficult to enjoy kissing her... is there a good way to tell her that?

 

Ah, I am all for honesty as well, particularly when it comes to sexual things (better safe and a bit awkward than sorry, I always say.), but this is a tricky situation... she hasn't had the greatest track record with guys she is able to trust, particularly sexually (I am the first one in a long time), and what may seem like a criticism (even though it wouldn't be, regardless of how I phrase it, it may seem that way) probably wouldn't be good for her confidence and might be embarrassing for her - the first guy you have liked in a while says he doesn't like the way you kiss?

 

She'll get the hang of it eventually. Don't rush her if you think she'll take it personally.

dmc: It must be you. There are times honesty is overrated. I've found it better to learn to like something than go through all the pain and torture of trying to change someone else.

 

Thanks guys! Haha I feel 12 again, asking for advice on kissing women...

 

What's even funnier is you're asking on a gaming (i.e., GEEK) site....

 

It's also funny that there are a bunch of married guys here, which either says something about us, or marriage. I'm not sure which one.

Saber: I wasn't sure how to answer that, so I asked my wife (hope you don't mind). She says: "what ever you tell her, don't imply that she doesn't know HOW to kiss. That would be very bad."

 

Words of wisdom, indeed. I second that.

 

Fabius Maximus,
first, I agree with T2. She'll get the hang of it eventually. Don't rush her if you think she'll take it personally. You need to tell her you're shy and inexperienced because that will be pretty much self evident. Be honest about your affection.

Second, there is a time to dribble, and there is a time to pass. At a certain point certain women expect some initiative. At that point just kiss her. I can't tell you when it is. That you have to judge for yourself.

I was lucky that my fist kiss was initiated by the woman, who basically said that we were missing the elephant in the room for a couple of hours already and that, considering that it was 4am already, it would be about time to kiss. Aah, romance

Third, good luck And it is funny you would ask that on a gaming (i.e., GEEK) site

 

Keep a rolled up newspaper and bop her on the nose every time she does it wrong.

Could always just ask her how she likes to be kissed, eventually the conversation should turn to how you like to kiss and then just take it from there.

 

Honesty is great, but patience with that honesty must be used accordingly. If you time it right, honesty is definitely the best, otherwise things can get messy.

And my roommate (the female one) said basically the same thing Chandos' wife said... Don't imply that she can't kiss good enough, very bad, haha.

 

two guys

Yes, espeacially if you are a guy. Ha ha

 

That post was ages ago

... and a little inappropriate when I'm about to go to university and my boyfriend doesn't want me to go

 

Thanks, all.

And, Ragusa, maybe I'm as lucky as you were. I certainly hope so.

 

Well, good luck then, and all that
cheers,
Ragusa

 

**** apparently I still do have a thing for my roommate... Eff that.