Relationship Rant Thread #4

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Bollocks. You're just drunk, that's why you can't remember stuff. Based on what I read on these Boards, there are some men here who never forget anything!

 

I don't think forgetting stuff is necessarily a bad thing .

 

@Enagonios:

It's possible women apply more pressure to their request, but I'm not sure if it's really like that.

@Saber:

Careful there or you could run into the same problems I sometimes do. By continously granting people's request you teach them that requests from them will generally be met. At some point they might take it for obedience and start living as if they are in the position to give you orders.

John Austin, the more or less father of legal positivism defined law as commands, backed by threat of sanctions, from a sovereign, to whom people have a habit of obedience. Now, he meant the laws created by the state and backed by the whole machinery of coercion, but let's take the habit of granting requests from above. The moment you grow into a habit of granting requests and they grow into a habit of just making them like that and expecting it will be granted, they become your sovereign. Of course, you can't compare emotional blackmail or withdrawal of affection or displeasure or hysterical fits with police/army-based coercion, but the principle is the same: you have the habit of obeying them, they expect to be obeyed and they can make you feel bad if they are not (and ultimately most kinds of punishment prescribed by the law come down to make you feel bad, so the difference between emotional rejection and prison is not that awfully big), so basically they get to be your "lawmaker".

 

I think you are over-analysing things somewhat, chevalier. People shouldn't 'disobey' their partners just to make sure they don't end up becoming too obedient. If you're in a good relationship with someone you'll just naturally usually want similar outcomes from life so thei shouldn't be this constant clash of wills that you're all going on about.

 

I wouldn't worry about it, Chev. She broke up with me a while back, remember?

 

I agree with HB.

 

Oh, everyone always does Charl, you have to disagree with him as much as possible so he doesn't get too big-headed!

Other news, that girl I'm after texted me last night saying nice things and asking me if I'd like to go out for a drink. That's pretty cool, the door's still open!

 

Go Barmy!

 

If I can get in there, I think I'll be the luckiest guy around. She's a real top lass, I can't fault her at all. Out to the pub tonight, not just me and her for this one they'll be a group, but I'll buy her a few drinks and get talking to her . I think it just might happen. Guwon the Barms .

 

I need to vent.

I woke beside a 3 day dead mackeral this morning. No, it's just my stinking husband. Instead of taking 10 minutes to shower today, he decides a better use of his free time is to *ahem* attend to personal needs *ahem* while reading about lesbian space pirates. He still didn't shower before leaving the house for work.

Why did I marry this dork? Oh yeah, because I didn't want to be the Cat Lady of the niehgborhood.

 

Ewwwww... have a word with him! Don't put out till he showers regularly... and let him cook his own meals... and wash his own clothes... maybe he'll pay more attention to his hygiene!

 

Suggest a romantic (and vigorous) bath? Or shower, even better

 

@Saber:

I guess you'll have a new one before a month or five have passed.

@Harbs:

Naaah, of course they shouldn't. But they shouldn't just keep granting more and more bothersome requests. You know, when it becomes fetch me this or fetch me that or making rules for your life, then it gets bad.

 

I agree. But in my experience its very rare when a couple agrees on practically everything, so you have to exercise your right to disagree in certain situtations, i.e. its my friend's birthday and YES i WLL be getting wasted tonight. If you don't feel like gettting drunk that night, that's fine, it ended up being YOUR decision, but if you wanted to and didn't because she gave you a look, that's called whipped, not attentive.

in other news. my gf has been in the USA since xmas and she's coming back on the 21st. at first (when she wasnt having fun) I kept getting text messages about how crappy a time she's having and that she misses me and wants to come home. now, she's having fun and i'm glad, but I feel like I'm getting the cold shoulder. Now I'm not reading anything into this and I'm just venting because the change was pretty abrupt, but if I get a break-up when she gets back, I'm going to be PISSED. I just bought her a ****load of stuff when I went to Thailand last week

 

kuemper: Tell him he stinks and walk away from him. He needs to know where you place hygiene on your personal level of priorities -- apply that knowledge with a hammer if need be (metaphorically speaking).

Enagonios: Perhaps your first paragraph and second paragraph are not related... perhaps they are.

 

Or literally, if he doesn't listen the first time. Get a really big one, like a maul.

And yeah, he's gross.

 

@kuemper: I second the advice given by T2Bruno.

@Enagonios: It's possible you're getting the cold shoulder, but you won't know until she's back. I believe if she wants to leave you, she will, so you won't be suffering from it dragging on for long while making both of you unhappy. It might be a good idea to wait with the things you've bough for her so as not to make the gifts an obligation on her part. Let her decide freely.

 

As a teenager, I find that a hilarious.

Though, I shower 3 times a day, due to freakishly high need for cleanliness.


In other news, being single still sucks

 

Question: how do you break it to a girl that you don't want to spend every waking minute with them and would rather do something else with your time (for example, watch TV, play a computer game, or generally do something they won't enjoy) without pissing them off?

 

Be honest and considerate, Ab. Honesty will win the day. And if it pisses her off and she crosses you... then you know what that means: education time!