Prince[ss] Charming and that White Horse

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You seem to believe everyone you meet is a potential partner, which I am adressing. That's not true because not everyone is bisexual. Attraction and relationships are not irrespective of gender and gender is not a relatively meaningless collateral biologically-technical detail. Gender division is what forms the room for love (of that kind) and relationships (of that kind). That some men are feminised or some women masculinised doesn't in any way imply that for a normal man other men are potential partners or that for a normal woman other women are potential partners. Maybe Gnarff doesn't have a problem with that kind of perspective and will just perhaps limit himself to observing that normally male goes with female, but I do.

 

I think a man can be your lifelong partner without either of you actually being gay. Some people just don't like the company of women as much as they enjoy the company of men even though they have no physical attraction towards men. It's more about being best friends though but if it's a lifelong relationship I think the other guy could be called a life partner. After all chev, you've said yourself that it does not have to be about the sex allways.

In general I think there's someone out there for most of us. Not for all of since as Dragonfly said there's some loonies out there and then there's also those who set their aim way too high, never finding anyone they'll be satisfied with.

 

Chev, that was what I was going into with the incompatibility argument. You start with the whole population as potential partners, then remove (usually) the opposite gender because you are not compatible with them. Then other people are incompatible for other reasons, so they get scratched off the list and so on and so forth until at the end you are left with one (or no) person. My post towards Gnarff was not intended to spark a gay-rights argument, I had just been reading the homosexuality & religion thread in all honesty. I took his post completely out of context, and for that I have already apologised.

 

Now, now, no need to apologize to me. Just get into the closet with Chevalier, stay there for a while, and I'm sure you both will feel much better when you come out with a new family of monkeys.

 

Wordplay, you know, you really thought I wouldn't notice? I apreciate you as a friend and a person and all, but I'm afraid I don't share your feelings. Hope I haven't hurt you, man.

 

[Inappropriate material removed . . . gee, there's nothing left. Warning pending - dmc]

Bad joke, I guess. That's what you get when you go with the flow.

[ December 30, 2006, 18:14: Message edited by: Wordplay ]

 

Urithrand: Apology accepted. But it did lead to a valid point in the process. The principle is the same for any to people to get alone, but in the position of romantic relationships, the bar is set that much higher. Considering what's at stake, that's the way it should be...

 

Aww it'd be nice if everyone had a soulmate. I guess there probably is someone who could be your perfect match, but then who's to say they aren't a perfect match for anyone else? I don't think there's anything wrong with believing that you do have one though. Heh, according to a Naruto test Kakashi is my perfect match. He's so cool~! *^^* Unfortunately he's not real, so although I'm trying to stay realistic here, I'll just be daydreaming about Jiro instead~~ *^_____^* hehehe...

 

There's a number of matches for you and the higher the degree of matching, the lower the number of people who fit in that category. Perhaps there is just one person in the top category, so that would be your best match, but it doesn't preclude the possibility of someone else rising even higher in the course of his or her life.

However, there's more than just the combination of traits in the matching. There's common history, the memories, the hopes. I suppose hopes and dreams fall in the traits category at least partly. There's also the problem of the certain je ne sais quoi. No, I'm not talking about anything like sex appeal. I just mean the Unknown Factor. I don't think it's all that simple.

At any rate, the soulmate theory is a self-fulfilling prophecy, as:

1. Whomever you love strongly enough and are happy with, will feel like the only true love for as long as it lasts.
2. Whomever fails you and/or leaves you or whatever, your mind will sooner or later conclude that it wasn't "that" person.
3. You will always be more likely to conclude that you have been mistaken rather than the concept is wrong. Therefore, in case of it not working out, you'll admit your error rather than stop believing in the soulmate concept.
4. Our culture as well as nature presupposes people to end up in a monogamous marriage. With whomever you end up you may start believing it was meant that way. Unless it isn't working out - then you can conclude it wasn't meant that way and you went against your fate.

See? It's easier to subsume any factual situation under the soulmate theory.

Oh, but I still believe that God has some plan for me. Taking a walk on the soulmate theory doesn't change this.

 

Well, being a die-hard and serious Christian, I believe God has a master plan and included in that is someone for everyone who comes to Him. I know He brought my gf and I together (seriously, there's no doubt there) and we couldn't be a more perfect match. I knew I had really struck gold, though, when she described her cell phone as having "only one stick of health left".

...If you didn't get that, just let it go. Anyway, I honestly believe that God has prepared someone for everyone who He intends to get married. I'll admit there are some people out there who will just never get married, for whatever reason, and they don't have a match, but for the vast majority of us, I believe there is someone God is waiting to show you. Of course, you have to believe in God for Him to show you, but...

 

I know a bunch of non-religious people who are happily married. I also know two very religious people, both of whom really want to meet that special person and get married, but yet are are not married. Given that both these people are well into their 40s, I think the probability of them ever getting married is a lot less than it was 10 or 20 years ago, so I don't think it works that way.

 

I also know at least one extremely religious person from school who married because she fully believed "God" had shown her, and is now extremely unhappy with an abusive and alcoholic husband.

Show friendship, compassion, trust and respect for people, and in the end you are likely to find someone who will do the same for you.

Oh, and try not and be a nerd. It's amazing how many older engineers in my industry are single and are obvious nerds. Don't spend your life playing computer games!

 

Because God makes everything good happen and if it doesn't happen it obviously means you didn't "Go"/"Ask"/"Accept"/"Embrace" Him/Jesus strongly enough

 

@Aldeth: Perhaps for some of those people, it would be better to stay unmarried. For some others, it might be a sign of wanting the real thing so much that they won't go for the makeshift pleasures or poor quality relationships - someone has to give witness I guess. For some, perhaps something will happen yet. But let me not have Male Answer Syndrome now. I'm not afraid to say I don't know. Nor do I have to know... just hope the best for them.

@Carcaroth: Maybe she was wrong, maybe she was actually right and we don't know the future.

Yep.

@Abomination:

Sometimes yes, sometimes not. Or rather sometimes more directly, sometimes less directly. Sometimes what appears good is not so in the end. Sometimes people blame God for bad things happening in their lives, without realising that perhaps something worse was going to happen but God alleviated it. Would you cry about a broken bone if you barely dodged death, for instance? God's interventions are much less easy to see and, if you don't believe, insanely difficult to fathom.

 

Or maybe the other didn't continue to do that. Like I said earlier, Soulmates are a myth, an illusion. Any two people can get along if they determine themselves to do so and actually do what is required. It's not just finding the one that feels right to be with, but actually working on the relationship...

 

True. If they both determine themselves to get along. On the other hand, if one of the two determines him/herself to ruin the whole damn thing, he/she will. Whoever said it takes two people to ruin a marriage was delusional. It only takes one.

 

First off, people can't just get along because they decide they want to, or they decide they will. If that were true, 90% of divorces would not happen. People get along because they have have a good relationship to begin with, and then work to maintain it.

Chev:
I largely agree with you. A lot of the time, even 'very religious' people aren't listening to God, either because they're in the wrong religion, or because they are being religious just to look good in the first place. A lot of the time, God's plans aren't what we want, and we try to say they were wrong for not being what we want.

Ab:
You wouldn't be mocking my faith, would you? Its fine if you say 'I don't agree with you', but mocking and sarcasm are rather distasteful.

Carcoth:
I can't disagree with you more! I am a total nerd, all the way, and plan to stay that way for the rest of my life, and I found someone! Seriously, though, if you change yourself to please others, you won't be happy with the resulting relationship.

 

NOG,

The exception that proves the rule? It is obviously possible to meet someone similar (there being female nerds as well) but in reality there isn't a particularly good male nerd to female nerd ratio which is obviously going to limit your options.

 

Care to enlighten everyone about which religion you need to belong to in order to hear God? Whatever your answer, someone is going to disagree with you. Hell is, after all, exothermic.

 

Drew, well, that I'll leave as an exercise for the reader. There's a reason I didn't mention specifics, and that's because I don't want this to turn into a religion arguement.

Carcaroth, I was actually joking about the first half, but the second half I'm entirely serious about. While everyone has to change throughout their lives, and relationships are frequently about comprimize, to start a relationship based on false info (I'm not a total nerd and geek) is to doom it to trouble, though not necessarily failure. Either she'll find out who you truely are, and there will be lots of questions to answer, or she won't and you'll keep going out together. How long are you willing to live that lie, however?