Post for random babbling, possibly with some sense, #3

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Facultative asexuals? Like - you know - parthenogenesis is the dark side and sex is the ...err... other side?

 

DAY 26 Dimly lit Mos Eisley Cantina

"Han Solo. I'm captain of the Millennium Falcon. Chewie here tells me you're looking for passage to the Alderaan system." - Han

"Yes, indeed. If it's a fast ship." - Obi-Wan

"Fast ship? You've never heard of the Millennium Falcon?" - Han

"Should I have?" - Obi-Wan

"It's the ship that made the Kessel run in less than twelve parsecs!" - Han

(continued) "I've outrun Imperial starships, not the local bulk-cruisers, mind you. I'm talking about the big Corellian ships now. She's fast enough for you, old man. What's the cargo?" - Han

"Only passengers. Myself, the boy, two droids, and no questions asked." - Obi-Wan

"What is it? Some kind of local trouble?" - Han

"Let's just say we'd like to avoid any Imperial entanglements." - Obi-Wan

"Well, that's the trick, isn't it? And it's going to cost you something extra. Ten thousand in advance." - Han

"Ten thousand? We could almost buy our own ship for that!" - Luke

"But who's going to fly it, kid! You?" - Han

**********
Newsflash
**********

AOTC's running time is 142 minutes, the longest SW film yet.

ANH is 125 min.
ESB is 127 min.
ROTJ is 135 min.
TPM is 133 min.

 

I suck. Ya that all. I just dont live up to expations. Nothing more to really say.

I'm thinking of bring back Campain of Kilren when I get out of school in a mounth.

I out rank the dwarves at least 2 to 1.

[This message has been edited by DragonRider SkyWard (edited April 20, 2002).]

 

No, I just mean that when the dark side is rising (and so selective pressures increase) then sexual reproduction would allow the Jedis to adapt quicker.

On the other hand, in times of peace, they are limiting their numbers by using sexual reproduction - and so could change back to, as you say, parthenogenesis...

 

Yesterday night I was so bored I even watched the last 30 min of some moronic Michael Dudikoff movie. I've rarely seen such a crap.

Plot: none, but there were some loose strings
[*]terrorist try to assassinate an arab politician during talks on the USS Nimitz - and fail (of course)
[*]Evil arab terrorists have a nuke plus missile and want to use it (and fail - of course)
[*]of course: some romance

Fav scenes:
[*]On the USS Nimitz Michael Dudikoff grimly declares: "We go in!". Cut. The american special forces team infiltrates ( = walking crouched, looking around frequently) a nuclear facility in bright day light, sneaking over bright sand unseen while wearing their black uniforms
[*]Evil aircraft (in fact israeli F-16 ) approach the USS Nimitz "Admiral Sir, enemy aircraft at 100 nm! What shall we do?" a breathless sergeant asked. "Send up the interceptors!" the admiral grimly replied. Cut. A pair of F14 starts.
Any admiral who lets enemy aircraft come that close to his 4-8 billion worth carrier would be degraded. Ever heared of airborne early warning and combat air patrols? (yes, flying already)

This kind of stuff should be restricted for use on the republican channel, right between the Join the army/ marines/ navy/ coast guard advertising - export should be strictly permitted except for propaganda use in wartime, beamed into the sky with a giant laser above enemy positions from SOCOM Hercules transports "Surrender or we continue!". HORRORS !!!

[This message has been edited by Ragusa (edited April 20, 2002).]

 

Is there such a thing as "The Republican Channel"!

 

GOP TV, baby!

The Republicans do in fact have a TV show and fully working studios in their headquarters. I'm not sure who carries it, though.

 

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg! Luke is just not a farmer. Neither am I. I'll be back, so don't get cocky.

 

DAY 25 on board the Millennium Falcon with Imperial Star Destroyers in hot pursuit

"Asteroids!" - Leia

"Oh, no! Chewie, set two-seven-one." - Han

"What are you doing? You're not actually going into an asteroid field?" - Leia

"They'd be crazy to follow us, wouldn't they?" - Han

"You don't have to do this to impress me." - Leia (wincing at a jolt from a small asteroid thumping against the ship)

"Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field is approximately three thousand, seven hundred and twenty to one!" - C-3PO

"Never tell me the odds!" - Han

(Han and Chewie pilot the ship into the asteroid field, weaving back and forth between asteroids)

"You said you wanted to be around when I made a mistake; well, this could be it, sweetheart." - Han

"I take it back. We're going to get pulverized if we stay out here much longer." - Leia

"I'm not going to argue with that." - Han

"Pulverized?" - C-3PO

"I'm going in closer to one of the big ones." - Han

"Closer?" - Leia

"Closer?!" - C-3PO

(Chewbacca barks the same word, only louder.)



If you have some spare time then I highly reccomend checking a view of the SW fan films over at AtomFilms . My number one reccomendation is "The Star Wars: The Battle of Hoth." It's a "mockumentary" of the infamous battle and done very well.

Also of note is the "Star Wars: A Christmas Carol" featuring Vader as Scrooge, Jar Jar as the Ghost of Christmas Past, Jabba the Hutt as the Ghost of Christmas Present, and Boba Fett as the Ghost of Christmas Future.

The Star Wars Gangsta Rap, Galatic Feud, The Womp Ratz Anthology, Vote Wars, Womb Wars, and Silent, But Deadly are all good in their own respects. Andy's Episode is very unique and creative. The rest are "meh" (so-so).

Check some of these out if get a chance.

[This message has been edited by Big B (edited April 21, 2002).]

 

"The god" and "Christopher_Lee" http://www.winternet.com/~mikelr/flame70.html

 

/me applauds archangel
Amazing link made me rotflmao
Ok i've embarrased myself enought today so i'll do something constructive and paste something i found:

BEST NEWSPAPER HEADLINES OF 1999

1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say

3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case

5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

6. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

7. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

8. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

9. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

10. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

11. Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead

12. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

13. Miners Refuse to Work After Death

14. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

15. Stolen Painting Found by Tree

16. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

17. War Dims Hope for Peace

18. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

19. Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

20. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

21. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

22. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space

23. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

24. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

25. Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Enjoy

[This message has been edited by Lazy Bonzo (edited April 21, 2002).]

 

LMAO too!

 

Lol @ that list! The power of the english language and all it's double meanings...

******
DAY 24
******

Jabba's Palace

"Good morning." - C-3PO

"Bo Shuda!" - Jabba the Hutt

"The message Artoo, the message." - C-3PO

R2D2 displays a holographic message of Luke

"Greetings, Exalted One. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight and friend to Captain Solo. I know that you are powerful, mighty Jabba, and that your anger with Solo must be equally powerful. I seek an audience with Your Greatness to bargain for Solo's life." - Luke

(Jabba's crowd laughs)

"With your wisdom, I'm sure that we can work out an arrangement which will be mutually beneficial and enable us to avoid any unpleasant confrontation. As a token of my goodwill, I present to you a gift: these two droids." - Luke

"What did he say?" - C-3PO

"... Both are hardworking and will serve you well." - Luke

"This can't be! Artoo, you're playing the wrong message." - C-3PO

<insert evil and annoying Kowakian Monkey Lizard laugh here >

 

That's hilarious Lazy Bonzo, lmao! Where d'you get it?

 

One search on google

The best newspaper headlines of 1999
http://cartalk.cars.com/Mail/Haus/2000/04.15.2.html

To continue on Lazy Bonzo's excellent sense of humor I wanted to post this:

The best newspaper headlines of 2000
http://users.breathemail.net/darren.harmon1/sun.html

But Heeey. Something is wrong...Journalists apparently don't learn from their mistakes

Or take a look at
The Best newspaper headlines of 1997
http://www.thehumorarchives.com/humor/0000019.html

I smell a Hoax or the world isn't changing as fast as we think it is. *g* Still the Joke is Hilarious at the least

[This message has been edited by ArchAngel (edited April 22, 2002).]

 

Paranoia sets in... Someone most fiendish is eyeballing me, and I don't know where to turn in order to dispel whatever curse he or she is sending in my direction. Must not fear! Fear is the mindkiller... (*draws with a trembling left hand a nice, colorful little shape that should supposedly bring some feeling of endless joy*)

...Coffee! Taken more than enough already, thank you...!

 

While looking for some more humour on the web i cam across a couple of hundred pages of computer tech service log extracts (if u want the link send me a message but i won't post it here as it takes a long time to wade through it to find some good logs).

So for your enjoyment i give you some of my favourites (so far i haven't got through them all yet) from the sub-section entitled Miscellaneous Dumbness :-

Customer: "Hi, I'm supposed to pack [zip] my database and send it to you. What should I pack it in?"

Customer: "Wait, that password looks really gray. I'm going to type it in again."

Recently, we upgraded all our users from WordPerfect 5.1 to 6.0. One user was so happy that she decided she'd never use WordPerfect 5.1 again. So she went into 5.1 and deleted all her files. A short while later we got a call. "I can't find any of my files!" she complained. "What did you do with them?"


I had a call from a user with a problem with his spell checker. I walked him through fixing the problem and later sent a follow up email, asking if the problem was gone.

I got this back:
Thanks for inquiring, the spell chicker works fine.


During an Excel course:
Student: "What's the point of a spreadsheet? All it can do is add things up and stuff."


Customer: "I was wondering if this thing had a fan belt or something in it."
Me: "Sorry, a fan belt?"
Customer: "Yeah, it's getting slower each time I start it in the morning, and I wondered if there was a fan belt or drive shaft that might be slipping."


Customer: "Why didn't you tell me I have call waiting?"
Tech Support: "Sir, we have no way of knowing if you have call waiting."
Customer: "Well, you should ask everybody!"
Tech Support: "Do you have call waiting?"
Customer: "What's that?"

[EDIT] Just looked at the floppy abuse section and here are some great ones:-

Customer: "I just got a copy of the new software you sent us, and I'm having some problems."
Tech Support: "What seems to be the problem?"
Customer: "The disk is stuck."
Tech Support: "You mean when you lift the latch, the disk won't pop out?"
Customer: "Exactly."
Tech Support: "By any chance was there already a disk in the drive when you put this one in?"
Customer: "No! I'm not dumb."
Tech Support: "Can you pull the disk out?"
Customer: "No, the disk is too far back to be reached."
Tech Support: "What do you mean, too far back?"
Customer: "The disk is smaller than the regular disks that I normally use. It's just too far back."
Tech Support: "What size is this disk?"
Customer: "About three inches, give or take."
Tech Support: "So, you placed a 3 1/2" disk in a 5 1/4" disk drive?"
Customer: "Yeah, and now it's stuck. How do I get it out?"


My Dad: "Hello. I've got a problem with the computer."
Me: "What's up?"
My Dad: "Well, I did my document, and it looks fine on the screen. I printed it too. And I saved it."
Me: "Great! You're getting the hang of the thing."
My Dad: "Yes, I am. I have just one problem."
Me: "Ok, what is it?"
My Dad: "Well, I saved the file...."
Me: "Yes?"
My Dad: "How do I rewind the disk?"


Student: "Why isn't my computer saving to my floppy?"
Teacher: "Is it in the drive?"
Student: "No. Does it need to be?"


Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."


User: "I've gotta print a paper out tonight. Do you have a printer?"
SysAdmin: "Sure. Mac or PC?"
User: "Umm, I'm not sure. It says Smith Corona on it."
SysAdmin: "Ok, so it's a typewriter with a screen, right?"
User: "Yep. Will these things read my disk?"
Well, some of these typewriters can write MSDOS format disks, so it's possible.
SysAdmin: "Possibly. Do you have your disk?"
User: "Yes, it's right here!"
She hands me her disk. Unfortunately, it's not a writeable disk. In fact, it's not a disk at all. It's a yellow plastic insert, most definitely a piece of shipping packaging.
SysAdmin: "Umm, did your typewriter give you any errors when you saved your work?"
User: "I think so, but they didn't look important. Is there anything wrong?"
Now, here's where years of living with teachers comes in handy. Can you imagine trying to keep a straight face?
SysAdmin: "Well, ma'am, this is not a disk. It's packaging, meant to keep the innards of your disk drive from beating themselves up when the thing's on the road. Nothing can get stored on this, unless you wish to carve a message on it with an x-acto knife."
User: "Oh."

And these ones which made me ROTFL :-

A Friend: "Does my hard drive get heavier when I put more data on it?"


Tech Support: "What exactly happened?"
Customer: "Well, I tried to download netscape, but the connection kept dropping."
Tech Support: "Ok, then what?"
Customer: "Well, I couldn't find the file to delete it, so I formatted my hard drive."
Tech Support: "What?"
Customer: "Yes. Do you know somewhere I can download DOS?"


Customer: "All my files I saved last week to my C: drive are missing!"
Tech Support: "Do you remember what directory you first saved them in?"
Customer: "No, I don't. I just know it was on my C: drive."
Tech Support: "Ok, I'll walk you through how to find the files."
Customer: "I wouldn't think I would be losing files on this computer. Gee, I just had the hard drive replaced in it yesterday."

Tech Support: "Thank you for calling. How can I help you?"
Customer: "Help!"
Tech Support: "What's the problem, sir?"
Customer: "My drive started making funny noises, so I put my finger in it to see what was wrong, and now I CAN'T GET IT OUT!!"

Enjoy

[EDIT] I would have put thes on when i found them but couldn't stop laughing to type :-

Customer: "My system's on fire. What do I do?"

Customer: "My terminal is smoking and shooting sparks. Should I unplug it?"

Tech Support: "Hello, tech support, may I help you?"
Customer: (in a thick Russian accent) "Yes. Monitor is working fine but has sparks and smoke flying out back. Is ok?"
Tech Support: (blink)


Customer: "There are smoke and flames coming from my computer."
Tech Support: "Uh, hang up, unplug the computer from the wall, and call the local fire department."
Customer: "That's not the problem. I need to know how to do a backup. Fastest possible method"


Customer: "Hi, I think I've got a problem with my monitor."
Tech Support: "Ah. Do you still have an image?"
Customer: "Yes, best image ever. Thing is, when I look at it from the side, I see red hot components."
Tech Support: "Uh, when you look at it from the SIDE? How can you see any components?"
Customer: "Well, through that big smoking hole."


Tech Support: "Hello, tech support, can I help you?"
Customer: (slowly) "Oohh." (pause) "I think I did a bad thing."
Tech Support: "Ok, so tell me what's up."
Customer: "Well, my computer was running great. Everything was working fine, I had no problems whatsoever."
Tech Support: "Ok..."
Customer: "So I decided to open it up and have a look inside. I saw all these wires dangling all over the place. There were grey flat ones, and small red, black, and yellow ones, and it seemed like they weren't connected to anything. So I decided to plug them all in."
Tech Support: "Um, you mean you plugged them all in? What did you plug them into?"
Customer: "Well, whatever I could get them to connect to. I saw pins sticking off of some of the boards that didn't have anything on them, so I plugged all the loose wires in to make it run better."
Tech Support: "And then you..."
Customer: "And so I plugged them all in, and I hit the power button, and there was this loud bang and a flash and a puff of smoke. Now it doesn't work at all."
Tech Support: (suppressing all emotion and turning deep crimson) "Can you hold for a minute, please?"



[This message has been edited by Lazy Bonzo (edited April 22, 2002).]

 

One down and three to go.

 

May birthday is in 3 weeks and my parents asked me what I wanted. I gave them a very short list.

pencil led
NWN
Green Hair die
laptop

Very short. I usualy come out with about 30 things! Anyone give me any advice as to what to ask for?