Funniest BG series moment

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Jan: So, Viconia, I suppose you must be a drow, eh?
Viconia: Speak not to your betters, surface slave.
Jan: My brother, Elgar Buttercup, had skin the shade of charcoal, too. Well, technically it WAS charcoal. He died in a nasty fire, you see.
Viconia: You do love the sound of your own voice, don’t you gnome?
Jan: My own voice? Heartless wench! Do you not know? I am deaf! I have never heard the sound of my own voice. I read lips ... (sob) ... only lips.
Viconia: Deaf? Truly? In the Underdark the deaf are killed or used in pain threshold experiments.
Jan: I heard that! In fact, it reminds me of the time I was eaten by an avatar of Lolth. I was stuck inside her stomach with a miserable drow called Biffle Chump for days. Of course, I was forced to eat him. A matter of survival, you understand. Nothing personal. He tasted a bit like chicken.
Viconia: (CHARNAME), how is it that you travel with such a wee buffoon?
(CHARNAME): Truthfully, it all goes back to the time that Jan’s cousin, Plooty paladin-piper, got caught in a nasty flesh golem eating contest ...
Jan: Aye, Plooty had a way of attracting golems. Brilliant, really. You start with a saucer of milk - golems are suckers for milk ...
Viconia: I refuse to listen to this.

 

Mazzy: Jan, I find you to be quite the enigma. This adventure has yielded us a crop of useful magical items and yet you turn your considerable powers to the never-ending quest to create the perfect turnip peeler. How can someone who’s so clever be so shortsighted?
Jan: Well, Mazzy you’re really asking two questions there. My shortsightedness was passed on to me by my dear departed father. I was born with the condition and I’ll thank you not to stare! As to your other question, it takes me back to my days as a carefree deckhand on a turnip merchant galleon. We sailed for Waterdeep, we did, braving foul seas, foul tempers and a band of foul turnip pirates.
Mazzy: You are mentally incapable of answering a straight question, aren’t you gnome?
Jan: ‘Twas on a cold winter’s night near the beginning of the Great Underwear Shortage when we set sail. I danced naked on the poop deck, which was the custom at the time. Well, my nose and other extremities were getting frosty so I gathered up the tatters of my poor, abused, underwear and headed to the crow’s nest.
Mazzy: Shutup, shutup, shutup, shutup!!!
Jan: Well, I never! You did ask, after all.
Mazzy: SHUTUP!!!!


Jan: Mazzy, dear ... have I ever told you about my dear Aunt Petunia the ranger?
Mazzy: Yes, Jan. I have already heard that tale, thank you.
Jan: Really? Are you quite sure? This is the one where she ...
Mazzy: Yes, that’s the one. One of your best, but I have heard it before.
Jan: Well then, let me regale you with tales of my years as a ...
Mazzy: I have heard that one as well, Jan.
Jan: But I didn’t even say anything! Ah, here’s one I KNOW you haven’t heard. Back when I was ...
Mazzy: I am sorry to disappoint you, Jan, but I have already heard that one, too.
Jan: A-HA! I made up that one just to test you, Mazzy! There is no such story.
Mazzy: You mean to say that you have been telling us falsehoods this whole time, Jan? I am so very, very disappointed in you. Since you admit to your dishonesty, I can no longer in good conscience listen to your stories ever again.
Jan: Huh ... that really didn’t go the way I expected.

 

there are a lot of bg moments that are really funny so here are some i remember,

One responce when Edwin turns into Edwina "Something, something, something, by the way, nice rack!"

A lot of the grave stones in Nashkel are pretty funny.

When I met Noober for the first few times i was so pissed off, the only thing that kept me sane was the bonus 400 Xp , but when i met "Neeber" in Trademeet I was pissing my self and had a very nice nostalgic feeling

Some of you may not find this that funny but I like to pick up the charecters Xzar and Montaron just so i can take all their equipment make them pink, take 'em down to low hit points and leave them for dead in the middle of Beregost a few minutes later!

Seeing the fat chick in the spider lair in cloakwood for the first time was pretty funny too.

 

Does anyone know Aerie and Mazzy talk about how the gods might change it so halflings can be paladins in 3rd Ed D&D? I thought that was quite hilarious

 

Funny coninciding lines of the NPCs always amuse me, just now I can think of one from Icewind Dale (just to illustrate what I mean):

Character chosen: "I suppose I'm free to do your dirty work!"
Order given: "With pleasure!"

There are many of these in Baldur's Gate, too.

 

Well, like Immy in bg1:
"Are you gonna tell me a story about trollops and plugtails? Please? PleaaaSSSSE?!"
Or Khalid:
"Click someone your own size!"
But I like the one from IWDII best...
"So I kicked him in the head till he was dead... Oh... I can't believe I just sad that!"

 

Whats all this stuff about Bondari? I've never came acoss anyone called Bondari. Who is he/she, what game are they in, and where can they be found?

 

Bondari is probably the best...ano the oft lobotomized orc was pretty funny too ..and bondari is the leader of a party of new adventurers in ToB that you can task them to do a quest too low for your standards.

 

Ahh its all coming back to me. The ones in Abizigal's lair near the crazy wizard. The petrified adventurers?

 

thynora: the petrified noob (Noob=L337 talk?) is Bondari, and also I take back everything I said about Minsc's personality, but I still think he is one of the least useful npcs.

 

Well, I see that most of you guys enjoyed the moment with Bondari... I have another opinion. First, the most amusing character was Cespenar. That imp knows how to make me laugh! But the most funniest moments for me were the ones with the Spectator Beholder (strange that it wasn't mentioned so far, or maybe I didn't see it mentioned). It seems to me that the Spectator has some psychological problems.
Well, here is the dialog between me and Spectator:
Spectator - "... Oh, that reminds me. I promised that mad little Sahuagin that I would make an efort to scare off intruders..."
Spectator - "So... boo!!!"
...
Hyperion - "Did the drow summon you to guard the chest or what's inside the chest?"
[now comes my favorite part]
Spectator - "Hmmmn. Well, he screamed "my chest", as I recall. A spear was being thrust through his own chest at the time, though, so he could have been referring to that."
Spectator - "I assume he was talking about *this* chest, though."

The better part is that the Spectator apears again in Throne of Bhaal. Alas, I don't remember where and what does he say (but I will soon, because I am replaying the game right now).

 

I agree with Abomination.
When you go and talk to the Pirate Lord and have Minsc taking over the conversation. Very seldom have I laughed that hard.

 

"Where is your peg -- all pirates have a peg!"


"Uhhh, why is he pointing a hamster at me?"

 

ahh i cant believe i didnt think about that hyperion...i have to say the spectator and bondari are about tied, there are just too damn many funny moments in the BG series to remember them all....picking one above the others is extremely hard.

 

'What're you going to do now?'
'Swing by the hive. Check out the beholder chicks. You?'
'The same.'

Classic.