A Piece of my Poetry

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I thought I would start out with two short poems that I happen to like a lot out of my collection that I wrote.

So Goes Life

The world turns round.
The seasons pass by.
Love comes and goes.
And people die.

The Heavans cry out.
The earth trembles.
Things move about.
And embers rekindle.

Now another life is born.
And the world turns round once more.


And here is one that is not so cheery.

Broken

There are arms of outrage clutching at a dream.
The children are brought forth,
their brains and bodies are taken,
for the use of the afterlords.
The ties of blood bond true,
they bind what needs to be free.
The hand of despreation begs to mold them.
For their own sake, is what they say.
But that is nothing, but an empty plea,
to make the children into what they see.
I say to you break the ropes that keep you.
Spill the blood upon the floor.
Walk into the Haven of God,
and be free forever more.

[This message has been edited by Satiana Fearbringer (edited October 05, 2001).]

 

The sun early rise
Sharing its warm shine
The birds lovely song
Ending the cold winter so long
The gentle breeze
All these moments we must seize
The rivers again flow
Sprites in the forest show
Finally spring is here
Love and joy will bloom once anew


written on the first day of real sunshine last year

here's another short one

Solitude
My most trustworthy friend
Solitude
Always there by my side
Solitude
Never can I defeat thee
Solitude
There must be remedy

[This message has been edited by Lokken (edited October 05, 2001).]

 

If I may play English professor here for a while:

Satiana, I like how you sandwiched your first poem with the "world turns round" metaphor. I also like the vagueness of "things move about." Using periods at the end of every line can be jarring, though. Maybe try making some of them commas -- or just not using end punctuation at all.

In your second poem, I really like how you mix up the rhyme scheme and use some alliteration ("ties of blood bond true" ties the line together) and don't worry about line length. The metaphors are excellent, too -- accessible but still subtle.

Lokken, you do a good job of putting your reader in the setting. I think I would have understood what you were getting at even without that explanatory line at the end of your post. One recommendation: if you start off with the first three lines each having five syllables, you kind of set your reader up to expect it again on the fourth line. When it doesn't (and especially because you've added a word like "so", which seems like word padding), then you interrupt the rhythm, and rhythm is important for the kind of tone you're setting.

I love that you started this thread, Satiana. Here's one of mine. Please give me your insights.

Counting Blackbirds

It's not counting crows I think of,
But the hunch of a red-winged blackbird,
Shuffling claws on barbed wire
Checking with each other
To see if it's time to fly off
Over the corn-stubble fields
To autumn

No electric moon flies them in circles
They sing no nightingale songs
And they don't much worry
About a poet or a consumption

Just two-step scoot with their kind,
A midwestern abacus counting nothing
But the passing of another farm-spawned day.

[Edited because I screwed up some UBB code.]

[This message has been edited by Shralp (edited October 05, 2001).]

 

The Proposal

Don't tell me that you love me, dear
'cause words don't mean a thing
the only thing I want for proof
is my engagement ring.

You send me flowers, buy me cards
a sweet perfume that lingers
but it's a waste of time without
that diamond on my finger.

So put yourself in debt, my dear
and take me for your wife
there's just two things I want from you,
a diamond and your life.

 

Love it. Rhythm off in places, but I think I can dance to it.

Now for some chatroom poetry by ArtEChoke:

oh

can one
person
be so

completely

repulsive?

 

Just a short poem I wrote way back when I was in high school. I'm not much of a poetry enthusiast, but this was an assignment in which we had to describe ourselves as some inanimate object.


I am the javelin,
With a needle sharp tip,
My form long and slender,
A worn handle to grip.

Much skill is required
If you want to compete.
I could land in pure chaos,
I'm no easy feat.

First place is your prize,
I'll give you no less.
The years will pass by,
We can pass every test.

My paint becomes faded,
My tip shows some age.
I'm placed in the corner,
No longer on stage.

 

This is a poem I wrote once. it was early in the morning and it was dark, and I was feeling pretty melancholly for no particular reason.

The Darkest Day

I sit and think, but nothing comes
the voices all... so quiet
I fear I don't know what to do
and realize death will come knocking
one day, I may be dreaming
and abruptly life will cease
and sentience means nothing
when you have no mind
and no mouth through which to speak
for all it's worth to be alive
and all its noble pursuits
this dreary humanity
leaves much to be desired
and all too little time to fullfill them.

 

Life it seems is full of shit, but i dont care one bit
The futile goals that people seek, i gasp in awe and laugh in fits
Funny things that humans do, like hide, conceal, and twist
While men who lay the truth for all to see, are laughed at, condemned so easily
"You're only human" well i am not, i am what i am and i am god
I DO NOT HIDE MY FAULTS!!!
JUDGE me then for i do not care
If i go to hell then i'll meet u there


Tommorow is a bright new day
Where we forget the past of yesterday
When things are going bad
When I am feeling sad
Fuck it, the sun will rise, I will be glad

 

Sometimes the world is black
And tears run from your eyes
And maybe we'll all get really sick
Or maybe we'll all die

So... let's build a snowman
We could make him our best friend
We could name him Bob
Or we could name him George
We could make him tall
Or we could make him not so tall!

Snowman!

He could have a happy face
A happy smile
A happy point of view
If you build me a snowman
Then I'll build one for you

So... let's build a snowman
We could make him our best friend
We could name Bob
Or we could name him Beowulf
We could make him tall
Or we could make him not so tall

Snowman!

(tapdance solo)

He could have a happy face
A happy smile
A happy point of view
If you build me a snowman
I'll build one for you!

Snowman!

 

Shralp---thanks. I like your poem. The only thing that I don't understand is the line about a poet and a consumption. I don't understand how it fits, or what you were trying to convey.

Azirath---Cool. Deep and melancholy.

Lord Moeken--- I did not know you had it in you.

Arkados--- That was kind of a hostile peom, but I liked it.

Darien--- Your a funny, funny girl. And the poem isn't bad.

Lokken --- I definetly think you are good. You should put more of your poems up on your webpage. MHO of course.

 

well, I posted a couple more on the site. For anyone interested here's the link: http://www.felding.subnet.dk

 

Lokken--- I like your peom called Greed a lot. I think it is neat that you will allow other people to post their poems on your site.

 

Joyriders rules

Beer before dinner makes you a winner.
Do it before breatfast then you're a sinner.

Mix pills with ale then you go pale.
Do it before breakfast then it wont fail

Kiss a girl bring her a pearl
Do it before breakfast she'll cuddle and curl.

Made by me. you want it Lokken?

 

This one is in my native language, Finnish, and written is the same form as our national Epic, the Kalevala. (Didja know J.R.R. Tolkien read it in Finnish by using a dictionary?)

Hyvää yötä, Ihmiskunta
Nukkukaat jo kuolonunta
Pimeyden Valtakunta
Musta taivas, mustaa lunta

Translation:

Good night, Mankind
Sleep now death's sleep
Realm of Darkness
Dark sky, dark snow

I know it's no good, but wanted to share it

Ara
(Author-wannabe and sometimes poet with unhealthy tendencies to skip school)

 

This one rocks:
http://communities.msn.com/TheFacesofDarien&naventryid=125

(It is not, of course, mine, but belongs to one of the SPers with mad skills.)

 

This is my most recent poem, it is only a month old and it doesn't even have a title yet. I like it, but I keep thinking that it could some how be better. Any thoughts?

Disqueting whispers of
harshly spoken words
haunt my untrusting soul.
Doubt and fear claw
fiercly at my imagination.
My dreams are full
of unsettling thoughts
that eventually will
take their toll.
And I know that their is a chance
I will never be able
to shake their hold.
Time itself, I am sure
will tell of the answers
that I seek.
For I know deep down inside
that I am strong, but I am
misconstrued by others as meek.
And yet others,
take a harder look and pass
judgement on my heart
as simply being cold.
I want to yell and scream
that I am definetly not!
I mean how can I be
for I am not really
even all that old.

But, it honestly doesn't take
an immense amount of time
to hurt someone tremendously.
To shake them up just enough
that they take you seriously.
So serious in fact,
that they give you their
friendship and their trust.
Then watch miserably
as you single handedly crush them,
because you are so bold.

So shame on you,
and others who resemble you.
For you should remember the
story that I have told.
Then maybe you won't hurt
the next person that
bestows in you their trust.
And please try not to be
so bold unless you find you must.
If you do as I say,
then maybe the unsettling dreams
will indefinetly go away.
And the fears and doubts
will pass.
Just becoming a simple fact
of what was yesterday.

[This message has been edited by Satiana Fearbringer (edited October 08, 2001).]

 

Nobleman, if you want it posted, mail it

Hey, satiana, that actually is a nice poem There are some minor spelling issues some places, but they will be found easily if you just read it through one more time

[This message has been edited by Lokken (edited October 08, 2001).]

 

Yes, well. I think I found most of them.

 

I'm floored by some of the talent y'all have. Not just the ones here, but some of those on your websites and shared with me in the chat room. Very cool.

Here's another Shralpish one. This time it's a song (anyone want to write a tune for me?).

You Were Dark

You were dark-haired in the moonlight.
I didn’t even ask if I might,
Just trudged right in with my half-grin
Ready to lose another fight.

I threw all the sparks that I had,
Hoped the sadness wasn’t too bad
Added a joke, well it ain’t the most
Important time in your life

Chorus:
When the music can’t console you
And the night is right behind you
Let’s meet up at our rendezvous
And break each other’s hearts


Couldn’t stand the life of the city,
All the girls saying “Damn, you’re so pretty
Why don’t you just pick a man in line?”
Till we shared one moment of life

You walked by, dreaming like an Illinois farm girl.
We started talking; you started to unfurl
You held that baby like she was your own
And when you said “yes” I heard heartbreak behind

(Chorus)

So now that the love’s left you
And we both try to struggle through
Here in this twilight let’s relive our own sad plight
Ask Raphael to bless you, but I’ll do

This one time in our life
Let’s close our eyes tight
Hope the wine and the dance
Will both make it all right

(Chorus)

 

Shralp, dear, you move me.

Here's my latest... (No title I guess; I'm not so good with that part).


The laughter echoes off the walls
where children come to play.
They seem to miss the obvious
like every other day.

Yet every smile she turns on them
is tainted with her fears;
their innocent embraces
leave her on the verge of tears.

With whispered reassurances
she tucks them in at night,
softly closing all the the bedroom doors
so they won't hear the fights.

But just like every other night
the voices carry there;
sister sings a lullaby
and strokes the baby's hair.

When families fall apart, it's not the parents who will pay.
The little ones, with quiet strength, lose innocence each day.