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A british sense of humour

Discussion in 'Whatnots' started by CĂșchulainn, Oct 21, 2004.

  1. Aldazar Gems: 24/31
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    Didn't the same sort of thing happen with a Rugby League player as well?

    Not too stupid considering that IIRC the Hundred Years War didn't last one hundred years either.

    Originally it was, until it got changed to Canberra.

    Funny stuff, all of it. Especially the Family Fortunes stuff.
     
  2. Tap Dancing Oyster Gems: 7/31
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    Other people making themself look stupid - is one of my favourite forms of entertainment. I've been known to indulge in it myself on occasion. I thought I'd share these supposedly real answers from British GCSE exams in 2002 -

    Geography Q: Name the four seasons.
    A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

    Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
    A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

    Q: How is dew formed?
    A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

    Q: What is a planet?
    A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

    Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
    A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

    Sociology
    Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
    A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

    Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
    A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

    Q: What are steroids?
    A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

    Biology
    Q: What happens to your body as you age?
    A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

    Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
    A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

    Q: What is artificial insemination?
    A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

    Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
    A: Keep it in the cow.

    Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g.abdomen.)
    A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.

    Q: What is the Fibula?
    A: A small lie.

    Q: What does "varicose" mean?
    A: Nearby.

    Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
    A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

    Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
    A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

    Q: What is a seizure?
    A: A Roman emperor.

    Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
    A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas.

    English
    Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
    A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

    Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
    A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

    Technology
    Q: What is a turbine?
    A: Something an Arab or Sikh wears on his head.

    Doubtless some of them are "engineered" - but its slightly worrying nontheless.
     
  3. Kitrax

    Kitrax Pantaloons are supposed to go where!?!?

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    Lol...maybe in Chev's world, but not this one! :rolling:
     
  4. Nizidramanii'yt Gems: 10/31
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    Funny stuff, really. First I thought it was a joke, but I've experienced stuff like this.

    Wheel of Fortune yesterday
    it said: B.GPIPE-BL..ER
    Guy: Bagpipe-player? (obviously Bagpipe-blower)
    (it's a translation btw, won't seem logical in good english)
     
  5. Enagonios Gems: 31/31
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    "There's no such thing as stupid questions. Only stupid people." hehe. Didn't the schizo in South Park used to say this?
     
  6. Aldazar Gems: 24/31
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    @Tap Dancing Oyster - ROTFLMAO, I loved the Biology and English ones. They are so funny. :lol: :thumb:
     
  7. Morgoth

    Morgoth La lune ne garde aucune rancune Veteran

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    Is the GCSE is a verbal exam?

    Sounds like "very close" :p

    Wondering when the GCSE exams are taken, elementary school? There was the same thing with a National Geographic test, claiming that most of the Americans couldn't find their own country on a map, most people that told this forgot to mention the tests were taken on kindergartens, but that was just a minor detail :p
     
  8. Intentioner of the Damned Gems: 14/31
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    Morgoth - Sadly, GCSE's are written exams that are taken at the age of 16.

    I always thought i was surrounded by idiots. I think the quotes in this thread prove it.
     
  9. Register Gems: 29/31
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    Still, I could find Sweden when I was in kindergarden, and we Swedes aren't spoon-fed the same amout of 'patriotism' as the Americans are.

    Also, David Letterman once did a test of how many of the 500 people he asked knew how many stars were on the American flag.

    Five were right, two of them guessed. :rolleyes:
     
  10. Yirimyah Gems: 11/31
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    I've spoken to people (on chat rooms) who didnt know what or where Australia was. God, some people are just so incredibly stupid! Its a bloody CONTINENT!!
    I sometimes feel like doing a Hitler and forbidding people with an IQ lower than "x" from breeding..
    BTW, Sydney is our capital in all but name.
     
  11. Carcaroth

    Carcaroth I call on the priests, saints and dancin' girls ★ SPS Account Holder

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    I guess there is a small chance that some of the answers are deliberately false. One of my friends got so fed up with having to take RE, he answered all the questions with cartoon characters. e.g. Name the four Apostles: Answer: Leonardo, Michael Angelo, Donatello & Raphael (The Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles)
     
  12. Morgoth

    Morgoth La lune ne garde aucune rancune Veteran

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    @Caleb, patriotism is more than finding your country on a map, and Sweden came out first in the test..

    It's fifty right? I had an atlas that said the United States of America had 52 states, but that's when you count Great Britain and Australia too :p
     
  13. Barmy Army

    Barmy Army Simple mind, simple pleasures... Adored Veteran

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    Excuse me?
     
  14. BOC

    BOC Let the wild run free Veteran

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    As far as the players of tv shows are concerned, well give them a break, they are under terrible stress and pressure of time, so I would say that it is natural to give stupid answers to rather easy questions. What I find amusing is when celebrities prove that their education is not better of the education of a kindergarden kid. My favourite example is Shaquille O'Neil during his visit in Athens some years ago.

    Journalist: Did you go to Acropolis?
    Shaq: No I didn't go to this club. :eek: :bang:
     
  15. Nakia

    Nakia The night is mine Distinguished Member ★ SPS Account Holder Adored Veteran Pillars of Eternity SP Immortalizer (for helping immortalize Sorcerer's Place in the game!) Torment: Tides of Numenera SP Immortalizer (for helping immortalize Sorcerer's Place in the game!) BoM XenForo Migration Contributor [2015] (for helping support the migration to new forum software!)

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    Thanks for my daily laugh. Unfortunately, the idiots are all over. The US of A has its fair share.
     
  16. Pac man Gems: 25/31
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    BOC is this real ? I know that Shaq likes to present himself dumber as he actually is, it's all a masquerade that he's been keeping up for quite some time now. I wouldn't be surprised if he was taking the piss on that reporter, or that the interview in question was originally from www.ihatela.com :D
     
  17. BOC

    BOC Let the wild run free Veteran

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    Pac Man, as far as I know, the interview was taken by Roy Firestone for AOL Sports and Shaq's exact quote was "I can't remember the names of all the clubs I went to". I don't know I he was just joking but I can't imagine why someone like Shaquille would present himself as ignorant.

    Here is CNN's corfirmation that he realy said it.
     
  18. Pac man Gems: 25/31
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    Well, he keeps acting like that because people already thought he was a big dumbass from the start of his career, he just likes to play the fool, but i know is well educated.
     
  19. Aldazar Gems: 24/31
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    Last I heard, we're regarded as the smallest continent AND the largest island.
     
  20. Carcaroth

    Carcaroth I call on the priests, saints and dancin' girls ★ SPS Account Holder

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    @ Barmy Army.

    New Model Army song lyrics:

    We are the . . 51st state of America.
    Didn't know about Oz though.
     
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