Jokey Posties

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Heh, Sounds like everyday at work,

Born a Baptist

Each Friday night after work ole Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak right out of the meat supply in his freezer. Most all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic. And when Lent occurred every spring, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. Well during Lent the delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks caused such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest.

The Priest came to visit Bubba, and after a few minutes he suggested that Bubba become a Catholic. Bubba thought that was a wonderful idea. And after many classes and much study, Bubba attended his first Mass. As the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and you were raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."

Bubba's neighbors were greatly impressed and relieved by Bubba's conversion until the first Friday night of Lent arrived. The wonderful aroma of grilled venison again filled the entire neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the disgruntled neighbors, and as the Priest rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, the Priest stopped and watched in amazement. There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."

 

Ture story. While working in Lancaster, PA for RCA, I ate breakfast several mornings a week at "The Willie Penn" restaurant. The restaurant had hired a woman who was a bit "slow" mentally. She was very sweet and knew the names of the regulars and greated them by name each morning. One morning, as I arrived, she said, "good morning Vince." I was followed by Dick Faulkner and she waid sweetly, "good morning Dick." Several more men arrived, by the name Dick. When another Dick arrived, she observed - "there sure are a lot of Dicks here this morning."

Top 9 comments made by NBC at the Olympics. Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so far during the Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:

1. Weight-lifting commentator: 'This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.'

2. Dressage commentator: 'This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.'

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: 'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.'

4. Boxing Analyst: 'Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.

5. Softball announcer: 'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.'

6. Basketball analyst: 'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.'

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: 'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.'

8. Soccer commentator: 'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.'

9. Tennis commentator: 'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?'

 

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
"Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

 

Today is the day that turkeys all across the USA give thanks that they survived the annual culling. Since they're too stupid to realize that Christmas is right around the corner, hence the name turkeys.
Happy Turkey Holocaust Day!

 

Funny shit! Looks like "Weird Al" left some inspiration in people

 

They originated with an e-card in 2008, and the second one was a follow up from 2009. I just thought we could use some classic humor given the issues they had with the turkey supply chain this year. Murphy and COVID shut down a major link in the chain at the worst time and made a shortage of small turkeys in a year when many families are choosing not to gather in large groups again.

 

Heard a good one at work.
Well, tomorrow's Cinco de Mayo. Don't party to hard or you'll suffer Revenge of the Sixth.
(a hangover.)

 

It seems that the pandemic has been going on so long that everything that happened before 2020 is now considered by little kids to have happened back in B.C. - Before COVID.

 

Playing BG2EE and searching google for answers to the Viconia romance end, and some dude named Lokken answered this same question to another guy in 2001 on this very forum.

Not sure if funny or sad bit of a nostalgic hit that.

 

I don't remember if I posted this one before, so please delete if I did. What came over the police scanner when a midget physic escaped from prison?

 

Today is the day that turkeys all across the USA give thanks that they survived the annual culling.
Happy Turkey Holocaust Day everyone!

 

Well, I was having trouble sleeping so I started reading the instructions for filling out the Federal 1040 form.
I found reading it very taxing.

 

I don't know if this belongs here or in the "Random babbling thread" considering how much truth is behind this:

I saw this in an e-mail years ago that I saved, but I was helping Great Aunt Joyce today and this "joke" hits a little too close to reality.

 

That’s hilarious.

 

So I hear this year's Burning Man festival was a bit of a wash.
https://www.dailyherald.com/news/20...housands-stranded-in-nevada-desert?cid=search

 

This isn't much of a joke, as it is the truth, but it's still funny. I'm exactly the same way. Back in 2020 during The COVID Shutdown I helped my mother clean her house, and we found some old papers from when I was in grade school. I'm pretty much the same as Matthew in the below link, except my handwriting never got quite as good since I started typing by the end of 4th grade when my parents got an Apple IIGS and a typing tutor program for me called Keyboard Cadet to teach me how to type.
https://theoatmeal.com/blog/handwriting