When legends come knocking on the door... (Mayhem)

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Before I begin, I just want to say that this is not intended to be *my* tale, but *our* tale, or more accurately the tale of those who wish to continue it. I have written the first chapter, or 'prologue' if you prefer, but I want to leave most of the story in your hands. I have already posted this on another messageboard, and I'm looking forward to seeing two stories evolve from one. If you are willing to write, that is. It was originally set in the Land of Argyle, but since many or most of you aren't familiar with that land, I'll just change it to the 'Land of Nowhereinparticular'.
Hope you'll like it!

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Bob Johnson, son of farmer John the Plowman, had always dreamt of being an adventurer. When he was but a wee kid, he used to play knight and slay pretended monsters, and later on he started practising his bowman skills (his father wouldn't let him use swords yet, you see). When the boy was eighteen years old, he had become a good archer, and he now wanted to go out in the world on his own, to explore its vastness, admire its beauty and maybe occasionally help its inhabitants. His father wouldn't let him, however, for he knew that the land was a rough one. He was right, the boy would not survive for long without help. Bob understood this, and realized that he would have to wait, but he hoped and prayed that the opportunity would present itself soon. Curiously, and for no apparent reason, the gods seemed to respond to his prayers.

On a beautiful spring morning, there was a knock on the Plowman's door. The newly awake farmer opened the door, and couldn't believe his eyes. He found himself greeting two creatures which he had never believed existed outside the fairy tales. One of them was a man clad in green and brown, just a little shorter than himself, with pointy ears and fair hair reaching to his shoulders. He had a sword sheathed on his side and a bow strapped to his back. The other man was even more peculiar. He was a short fellow, reaching no higher than to the farmer's belly, with white hair, a big nose and, despite his rather funny features, he somehow seemed to possess great wisdom. He was dressed in a strange blue and green hooded robe and wore glasses. Both creatures seemed to be very old, but yet retained the strength of youth.
What they said surprised the farmer even more.
- We seek Bob Johnson, son of John the Plowman. You wouldn't happen to be him, perchance? said the taller of the two.
- Umm, no sir, but his father I am, answered the farmer, wondering why they sought his son.
- Then bring him here, for we have words for him to hear, said the little man.
- Uhh... as ye wish, good man. Bob! There's two... men here who be looking for ye!

When Bob arrived, he too was struck silent by the visitors, who found the situation most amusing, but didn't show it. The fair-haired man quickly broke the silence:
- Greetings Bob Johnson, son of the Plowman, I am Cuan Angloril, elven bowman and beside me is Borolog Mistflower, a skilled gnomish illusionist, and my friend... Don't give us that look, his magic has nothing to do with the dark arts performed by your former lords.
- Sorry, said both humans, but they didn't manage to entirely banish suspicion from their minds, which the two strangers noticed.
- I see I'll have to live with the distrust, but speak with you we must, an adventurer you want to be, so I suggest you come with Cuan and me, and the world
you'll see, said Borolog the gnome.

Bob was about to ask why the gnome spoke in rhymes, but he didn't. Instead, he just stood there, staring first at the two strangers, then at his father and then at the strangers again. He was very tempted to just say 'Okay, let's go then'...


Again, I hope you liked it, and again, feel free to continue the story as you see fit...

 

Great idea. Perhaps you could/should/would say that a person can't make two episodes in a row. That could/should/would make the story bend and twist in fun ways.

 

"You must decide quickly, our friend is rather sickly..." Borolog interrupted.

Bob took the bait, "Who? Who is sick?"

Cuan gripped his wooden bow and replied, "The fair lady Lilly Rose Buttercup Iris Daffodill Tulip Mum Pansy Marigold, but we just call her Lilly for short ."

"Oh I see," Bob thought for a moment and then blurted out, "well is she cute?"

"See for yourself." Cuan held out a special looking glass mirror to Bob.

But try as he might, Bob couldn't see anything. "I don't get it, I don't see the fair Lady Lilly. All I see is white..."

"We said she was *fair* didn't we? Anyway are you coming with us or not Romeo?" Cuan tucked the mirror back into the fold of his pack. Meanwhile, nobody seemed to notice Borolog whisper some sort of quick incantation.

Just then John the Ploughman's large hand knocked Bob upside the head sending him sprawling towards the butter churn. "Here you is wondering if this damsel is cute and she is in distress. Why I oughtta take me 'hickory to ye son, get out there and save that Lady! And don't come home with out any kids either! We need more hands on the farm!"

Bob pulled his head out of the butter churn, while Borolog quipped, "You heard your dad, there's adventure to be had."

Bob got his bow and arrows ready, while his parents John and Emma Mae I Have Another Helping of Cornbread, (Emma Mae for short) fixed him a pack full of food that would make any country boy feel right at home. When all was said and done, Bob set out with the two strangers on the winding dirt road that lead to the capitol of Nowhereinparticular, conviently referred to as the CapitolofNowhereinparticular, or Megalopolis for short. Jethro, Bob's trusty hound dog and lifetime companion wasn't going to let Bob just walk away without him and so he came along too. One never knows when a hound dog can come in handy.

They were making good progress, talking about things such as archery and 'coon hunting when a coach led by four dark horses came up alongside them. The curtains of the coach were pulled back to reveal a wealthy looking nobleman and a rather tall figure who hid in the shadows.

"Err hello there, good traveler!" Cuan called out.

"Howdy!" cried out Bob.

"Get back it's a trap! Crap!" warned Borolog. Yanking his two companions by their shirts trying to pull them away.

But the coachman, another tall, dark figure, steered the coach in their way of escape, and our poor friends were captured. The nobleman stepped out of his coach and the last thing Bob remembered until he next woke up was the smell of Barbecque Baked Beans sizzling in his pack.




[This message has been edited by Big B (edited October 17, 2001).]

 

Yes, Nobleman, perhaps I should...

Hey, everyone! Not more than one episode per person in a row!

There, done.

Great work Big B, by the way.

 

Don't have time I am afraid that two people will write the same next part o fthe story story at the same time

 

Bob woke up in the coach. He could see his companions, even Jethro, tied to their seats, all unconscious. As he tried to untie their ropes, he became aware of the fact that also he was strapped to the seat.
"Ha! What a fool we've caught!" laughed the tall, shadowy man.
"Indeed!" said the Nobleman, "Didn't even think of his own ropes!"
"Shut up, you two!" said another voice, whose owner could not be seen.
"'Kay boss," said both others.
"Uhhh..." said Cuan as he slowly regained his senses. "Oh, hi Bob, slept well?"
It did not take long until also Borolog woke up, and began to untie the others (their captors had run out of gnome-sized ropes, you see).
"Umm, boss?" said the tall man when he saw what the gnome was up to.
"I told you to shut up!"
"That's a voice I recognize, its owner shares my size!" said Borolog.
The nobleman moved a little, and revealed his boss, a chainmail-clad gnome.
"Pilliwiddlipillipitit me ol' friend, what word did the Lady with you send?"
"This is your friend?" asked Cuan, looking at Borolog puzzled. "Then why were we captured?"
"Hey! It's just his way!" replied Borolog.
"The fair Lady Lilly Rose Buttercup Iris Daffodill Tulip Mum Pansy Marigold wish to say that she has moved from Megalopolis to her mansion in Middle (short for Themiddleofnowhere, a town in the very centre of Nowhereinparticular), and she sent me to pick you up on the way. She wishes to see you as soon as possible." explained Pilliwiddlipillipit, and continued: "Have a carrot, it's a long way to Middle."
"Oh, thank you! I love carrots!" said Cuan as the gnome handed over a little orange thingie. Bob said that his mother Emma Mae had warned him of carrots, and that he didn't want to get addicted, so he was offered some pine-apples instead.

The journey was uneventful, except for several minor incidents with bandits tearing the coach apart to sell the spare parts, forcing Bob & Crew to rebuild it, delaying them a couple of hours.

[This message has been edited by Namuras (edited October 19, 2001).]

 

"Lilly my dear you look...er...lovely as usual!" Pilliwiddlipillipitit exclaimed as he led the group into Lilly's mansion, leaving the halfling bulter Charles standing at the door.

Charles gave Pilliwiddlipillipitit a stern look of disaproval and said, "That's not Lilly, that's a mannequin."

"My mistake. Well Lilly did say it was going to resemble her." Replied Pilliwiddlipillipitit briskly.

"A manna who? Looks like a wooden woman to me," gapped Bob his mouth hanging open in a stupid fashion.

"It is a wooden woman, made to represent the Lady Lilly." Charles explained as he streched on his toes to fix the wig on top of the mannequin's head.

"Thank you Charles." said the mannequin.

"Well slap me on the back and call me country boy, if it ain't a talkin' mannakin. What else can these things do?" Bob nudged Cuan with his elbow.

"I am a magical mannequin and I will be able to do a lot more when you all are ready to help." The mannequin said with the same expression on it's face.

Just then the real Lilly hobbled into the room with the help of Borolog who had gone to get her. She was very pale and thin, looking quite sick. Then she spoke, "Yes the mannequin is right, well I, err... we need your..." Lilly paused as she coughed so loud it brought tears to Jethro's eyes. "We need your help. I am glad to see that you were able to round everyone up Pilliwiddlipillipitit. I am sorry Cuan that you never got to meet Pilli but drastic times call for drastic measures."

Cuan rubbed his head. "Yeah I could have done without the stagecoach theatrics."

"Nonsense, Cuan. You see someone was watching the whole affair, unbeknownst to you. If Pilli had not arrived when he did, you would have been eaten alive and painfully digested in the belly of Boris. I saw it all here." Lilly held up a mirror similiar to the one Cuan possessed.

Upon hearing the name Boris, the scowl on Cuan's faced increased, and Bob just had to ask..."Who's Boris?"

"Boris is a pet toad the size of this room. His owner is Cletus, an evil Hill Giant who is responsible for this sickness that has overcome me. Pilli had to make it look like you all were getting captured so Boris would report back to his master that you are all captured surely to become slaves in some distant land and out of Cletus' hair forever."

"How can I be out of Cletus' hair, if I was never in it?" Bob asked again with a stupid look on his face.

"Ahhh my boy. You have brought us joy." claimed Borolog.

Cuan pipped up. "What he means to say is you are the CHOSEN ONE. The only one who can in fact save the fair Lady Lilly and defeat your arch-nemesis Cletus the extremely fat and smelly Hill Giant once in for all. Don't look so surprised, surely that time when you were four and won the Annual Corn Huskers Tournament should have tipped you off."

"What does that have to do with anything?!?!" exclaimed Bob.

"Well lets just say Cletus and corn husks don't get along. Anyway, now that we are all here, let's discuss business." Lilly turned to the Pilli and his two helpers and said, "Ok I need you three to escort my magical mannequin to the Count Bantu's estate on the other side of Middle. There you will acquire the three remaining ingredients I need to complete the magical mannequin. Of course, you know what these *are*," she said slyly. "The Count will be glad to see you I am sure. Meet back here by tonight and bring Count Bantu with you as we will need his help also. Meanwhile, we are going to be embarking on an incredibly dangerous journey tomorrow and will need some serious supplies. As well as a new form of tranpsortation since bandits have about done that coach in I see. So Borolog, take Cuan and Bob with you to Middle's marketplace and get all the magical supplies and gadgets you think will come in handy on our quest to Cletus' Lair far on the other side of Nowhereinparticular. Find us a form of transportation and use those leaping llamas as a last resort, I am too sick for a bumpy ride like *that*. Again, meet back here tonight. Charles please help me to the kitchen it is time to conjure up some more remedies..." Lilly coughed some more awful coughs sending Jethro running into the next room.

"Haw haw. He always was a skittish dog. CHOSEN ONE ehhh, I could get used to that. Well fair Lady Lilly have no fear. I will help defeat this Cletus the Hill Giant and force him to undo what he has done to you, err whatever that may be." gawked Bob.

"Bless you Bob. I have complete faith in you. Remember, get whatever supplies you think you will need. It is a rough journey."
And with that Charles escorted the Lady Lilly out of the room.

Cuan slapped Bob on the back. "Hold on to your hat Bob. Middle's marketplace can be one mean shopping center for the inexperienced but you have us by your side."

Pilli and his crew got back into the coach since the trip to Count Bantu's estate was furhter than Middle's marketplace. But before leaving Pilli stuck his head out the window and yelled to the three adventurers, "Last one back is a rotten egg!"

Borolog gruffly replied, "Don't be silly Pilli. This is no laughing matter, no time for idle chatter."

Cuan reached out and tied Borolog's beard in a knot and winked at Bob. "Lighten up Puffguts. We've got Bob the Fearsome Corn Husker on our side!"



[This message has been edited by Big B (edited October 20, 2001).]

 

The Marketplace of Middle made minds meaninglessly bewildered, especially Bob's, which had never seen such a thing before. There seemed to be thousands of people out shopping that day; some strolling about, occasionally stopping to look at something, some involved in intensive haggling, some trying to find goods to steal, some trying to find and arrest the people trying to find goods to steal and some watching the various plays being performed. The marketplace itself was a big, triangular area (they like triangles in Middle), each side about two hundred meters in length. It contained all kinds of shops and stands, from the simple farmer's to the powerful magician's, and there was a special ambulance crew who took care of the over-haggling casualties.

"Let's first find my old friend Maegril Tavarcar," said Cuan as they entered the marketplace in the hypotenuse, "he has an armoury down by the first cathetus."
"Whatever you wish, though I'd like to buy some fish," said Borolog.
"Fish?" asked Bob.
"Yes, you knows, those little water-dwelling fellows. They make a perfect meal; much better than veal."

They were walking towards Cuan's friend's armory, minding their own business, when suddenly a strange man approached them.
"Hello, there..." he began in a low voice, "nice weather today, isn't it?"
"Show us your wares," said Cuan.
"Well... follow me then," said the stranger and headed for a nearby alleyway, and our friends followed,
"Eh? Have I missed something?" asked Bob, looking like a living question-mark.
"He said 'nice weather today, isn't it?'" explained Cuan.
"So?"
"That is a common expression used by smugglers and thieves, implying that the person in question has illegal goods to sell."
"Ah."
As they arrived at the alleyway, they were shown a big shelf containing various vegetables. The stranger spoke again:
"Here you can find all kinds of veggies, whatever suits your needs... Cheap."
"Carrots?" inquired Cuan.
"Pas de problèmes," said the fence, "they are two pnedes* a pound..."
"Verily a good price, but what about the mice?" asked Borolog, nodding at the cage containing small, white and furry creatures.
"Thirty-two pnedes for the cage, with mice."
"We'll take them," said Cuan, "and ten pounds of carrots."

After having paid for the newly purchased mice and carrots, and having bought some tomatoes for Bob, they headed straight for Cuan's armourer-friend. They found him sitting on a chair, sewing a little red hood. It took him a few moments to notice the three men and the dog, but when he did, he greeted them warmly.
"We're looking for the best equipment we can get for forty-eight pnedes and three pistres," said Cuan.
"What, exactly be ye lookin' for?"
Borolog pulled out a list from his sleeve and handed it to Bob, who read it loudly:
"Three nice-looking sets of armour, which of one must fit a dog, some weapons suitable for giantslaying, four-hundred and thirty-three arrows and five emus."
"Why emus?" he added after having thought for a moment.
"Means of transport," answered Cuan.
"I'm afraid that this is going to cost a little more than forty-eight pnedes..." said Maegril.

*The Nowhereinparticularian currency, one pnede= twelve pistres.

[This message has been edited by Namuras (edited October 20, 2001).]

 

To clear things up for anyone who would like to join in here is a running cast of characters so far:

The Johnsons>>>

-BOB JOHNSON, son of John the Plowman
-JOHN THE PLOWMAN, a farmer and coincidentaly John's dad
-EMMA MAE (I have another helping of cornbread), Bob's mom, and a good cook
-JETHRO, the family hound dog

Lilly and friends>>>

-THE FAIR LADY LILLY ROSE BUTTERCUP IRIS DAFFODILL TULIP MUM PANSY MARIGOLD (Lilly for short), sick and destined to die if not saved by Bob.
-CUAN ANGLORIL, elven Archer and Adventurer
-BOROLOG MISTFLOWER, gnome illsuionsist who speaks in rhymes.
-CHARLES, the halfling butler, has worked for Lilly all his life.
-THE MAGICAL MANNEQUIN, a talking wooden replica of Lilly who soon might become much more.

The Bad Guys >>>

-CLETUS THE HILL GIANT, extremely fat, smelly, and mean, arch-nemesis of Bob and villian responisble for Lilly's sickness.
-BORIS, Cletus' giant pet toad.

Other Characters>>>

-PILLIWIDDLIPILLIPITIT (Pilli for short thank goodness), gnomish friend of Borolog and recently hired by Lilly, currently working on the Magical Mannequin project.
-THE NOBLEMAN, working with Pilli, lender of the coach.
-TWO TALL SHADOWY FIGURES, the coachman and chauffer, not very bright.
-COUNT BANTU, owner of magical ingredients neccesary to complete the Magicl Mannequin, owns an estate in Middle
-MAEGRIL TAVARCAR, armor shop owner in Middle, knows Cuan from the past.

The story continues...

"Well sir this is for an important mission to save the Fair Lady Lilly. We really need these supplies." Bob pleaded.

"I see. Well I suppose..." Maegril was interrupted as the door slammed open with a crash followed by the sound of breaking glass.

"Alright everyone. This is is stick-up! You there, shopkeeper. Open up that there bag of holding and let me see what you got inside!" A grisly man with a black beard and a bald head said while pointing a dirty finger at Maegril. Behind him where three more grisly figures, all with bows drawn.

Maegril did not look happy. But began to open the bag of holding anyway. Just then Bob, being a bit shaken, leaned back and accidently knocked a red bottle of a nearby shelf. The bottle fell to the floor, and clinked it's way over the to the burly robber's feet. Maegril's eyes got really big and he yelled for everyone to "Hit the dirt!" Cuan pulled a confused Bob to the ground, while Maegril and Borolog ducked just missing two arrows that had been intended for them. Then with a poof of smoke and dust the four robbers were turned into women. Once the smoke had cleared and the robbers had realized what just happened, they screamed (in rather high pitched voices) and left the crime scene immeaditely.

A shaken Maegril rose to his feet and thanked Bob for his quick thinking but did say a better warning would have been nice. "It's a good thing you knew that was a potion of sex change, young man. What a way to save the day!"

Bob was about to say he just leaned back and accidently knocked it off but Cuan cut him off, "So this means we get rewarded for our good deed?" He raised a convincing eyebrow at Maegril.

"Yes I suppose just this once. I'll even throw in a few goodies. You can have all eight of my emus out back and good riddance. They have been eating me out of house and home. You can have as many arrows as you want, 433 arrows is fine with me. Lucky for you I have all kinds of armor, even shaped for dogs, so I will throw in 3 sets of plate armor as well. As for suitable giant-slaying weapons, I have a unbreakable wooden bow made of magical wood that you can have, as well as single sling stone that can be launched from any sling. It's a rather violent sling stones so be cautious. Once aimed at it's target, it hurtles at it with such force it can knock the target back a good distance. It then burrows itself into the target and out the other side. Like I said, an extremely dangerous sling stone. Use it wisely." Maegril reached behind the counter, "Oh and since I am a nice guy, I'll throw in this Bag Of Holding to carry your items in. The emus are out back."

Cuan thanked Maegril and paid him their remaining forty-eight pnedes, while Borolog and Bob went to round up the emus.

"Good golly Borolog. Look at the size of those things!" Exclaimed Bob when he saw the giant birds, who resembled ostriches. They were great runners, but too heavy to fly.

"Emus. Yes they will do." Borolog said as he began to charm the emus to listen to his commands.

Cuan came up behind the two. "Maegril said the emus can support three times their weight and eat just about anything so keep an eye on them."

As the heroes of the day left Maegril's shop with their goods, they began to make there way through Middle's marketplace back to Lilly's mansion. Bob pipped up as they passed a fried gibberling meat stand, "I wonder how Pilli and crew are holding up at that Count's mansion?"

Cuan shrugged his shoulders, "Who knows, but the Count is supposed to be one mysterious figure. Let me tell you that. He once turned his wife into a troll. He still conviently hasn't found out how to reverse the effect." Cuan and Bob snickered as Borolog led the emus down the street, stopping them from reaching out and pecking at the fried gibberling meat.



[This message has been edited by Big B (edited October 21, 2001).]

 

"M'Lady!" exclaimed Charles as he saw Bob, Cuan, Borolog, Jethro and the emus sauntering up the street towards the mansion, "they have returned from the Marketplace! And in one piece!"
They made their way out on the veranda. "Welcome back!" said Lady Lilly when Bob had opened the mansion gate. "I trust the shopping fared well?"
"It fared very well indeed," answered Borolog, "but where should I place these emus? They'll be quite hard to feed."
"Ah, the means of transport. Take them to the stables and give them some potatoes."
As the gnome walked away with the birds, the fair Lady Lilly coughed some horrible coughs sending the plate-clad hound dog whining down the street. The Lady glanced anxiously at the running canine, and then at Bob. "Don't you worry M'Lady, he'll return..." said Bob when he noticed her worried looks.
She nodded, and then said "Let's go inside... this fresh air is not healthy for me," and so they did.

"Any news from Pilliwiddlipillipitit and crew?" inquired Cuan as they entered.
"No, but they'll probably be ba..." The Lady was interrupted by a loud crash. The halfling butler came flying from the door, and landed brutally on Borolog, who had just come back from the stables and entered through the back door. "So sorry, good sir gnome," said the halfling, looking quite pale, before he hurried to the kitchen to do, well, something important. The reason, or rather the reasons, for this turmoil entered through the front door. Three trolls, of whom two were carrying a large wooden box, scanned the room, looking as stupid as only trolls can. When they found Bob hiding under a table, one of the trolls turned around, showing him his backside. "I believe this is yours," it said and pointed at the big dog in plate mail which was attached to his bottom, causing him much pain.

"Pilli? Is that you?" asked Lady Lilly.
"Aye, it's me alright," answered the abominable creature, "could someone please remove this beast? A certain Corn Husker Champion comes readily to mind..."
Bob had some trouble removing his dog from the troll. He first tried simple commands, "Jethro! Let go! Let go, Jethro!" Failure. He then tried verbal abuse, "Jethro you rabbit-eater! Let go of the big greenish dude! Ach, you hopeless son-of-a-giraffe!" Failure. Then he tried tying a rope around Jethro's torso and letting the two other trolls pull as hard as they could. Success! Bob was amazed of how fast the nasty wound closed.

Lady Lilly quickly dispelled the inconvenient troll form, and asked whether or not they got the ingredients.
"Hmm... seems like I'm the rotten egg," said Pilli, now back in gnome-form.
The Lady asked again.
"Yes, after some shapeshifting issues Count Bantu gave us what we needed," answered Pilliwiddlipillipitit, and continued, "a very strange man, that. When we first arrived, he told us that we were just in time. 'Just in time for what?' I asked. 'For my experiments, of course! I think I've finally found a cure for my wife's, hrrm, unfortunate condition,' he answered. 'That's good to hear, listen, we...' I began. 'Later, later, first I need some subjects to try my cure upon. Would you be willing, kind sirs?' Seeing where this was going, I answered 'well, umm...' but he interrupted me. 'Good!' he said and polymorphed us to trolls, 'that was very kind of you!' Then he left the room for a couple of minutes, and returned with his so-called cure. We were experimented upon for several hours before he came to the conclusion that this 'needed further research'. I now told him why we had come in the first place, and he immediately gave us two of the things we needed. He had to spend half an hour searching his wardrobe in order to find the third component."
"A strange man indeed!" laughed Cuan.
"Yes indeed. His parting words worries me slightly though. He said he'll send for us when he need test subjects again."
"Just tell him that a simple dispel magic works nicely, that was, after all, how I cured you," said the Lady. "Now, back to our task..."


[This message has been edited by Namuras (edited October 21, 2001).]

 

Lilly walked over to the wooden box, tapped it four times and said something that sounded like "dried tobacco" to Bob. The box flung its top open and out flew a raven who dove at Charles sending him to the floor. Then the raven circled back for another assualt. Thinking it was just a game, Jethro leaped into the air and caught the raven in his mouth.

"That's my dog!" Bob beamed while Jethro played with his new chew toy.

Lilly looked quizically at Pilli and his two companions, the chauffer and the coachman. "Don't ask." came three replies at once.

"Okaaay. I won't." said Lilly as she reached into the box and pulled out the ingredients. The first was a round bottle of powdered pig's feet. Next was a multi-colored tunic that could hover above the ground at a height of two inches. And last was a flask labeled: "Cologne, Perfume, Poison, and Cooking Oil All In One; directions: pour desired amount and name desired effect." Lilly tucked the goods into the folds of her cloak and sighed, "Good! That's what we need. I'm sure we will be able to finish the mannequin now. Anyone hungry? Charles has made some Halfling Soup Surprise for dinner."

"Food! Let's dig in!" Bob yelled as he ran for the kitchen. Jethro followed along in a trot with the chew toy/raven still in his mouth.

*A few hours later*

The coach returned with the Nobleman steering and the Count sitting in the back sippping tea. Shortly after everyone came out to see the new arrivals.

"What happened to the coach?" Cuan asked as he eyed the coach.

The Count replied. "A paint job and other magical modifications of my design of course. Ahhh. I smell emu!" The Count's nostrils flared. "Wonderful! They can steer the coach much more efficiently then these old horses. Besides I've been waiting to try something on these horses."

The nobleman started to object but was cut off by the Count's incatation. With a bang and some green smoke the horses turned into xvarts. The xvarts looked around stupidly at one another and then ran down the street chasing after a cat. "Well, not quite what I wanted, but okay." mused the Count as he stroked his goatee.

"Please, come in Count Bantu." Lilly offered.

"Yes of course Fair Lady Lilly." Then the Count noticed Pilli and grinned. "See you got fixed back, no sweat."

Pilli grumbled as Lilly told the Count that a dispel magic does the trick.

"Oh of course I know that." grinned the Count. "I just haven't told my wife that."

Everyone went back into the mansion and sat around Lilly's large dinning hall table making plans. They would all head out tommorrow on the emus. Four of the emus could drive the coach, while the other four could be ridden. Everyone was coming because all could help in some form or another. The ultimate goal was to infiltrate Cletus' Ultra Deadly Dungeon Lair and face him in a super battle of good vs. evil vs. just plain stupid . "But," Lilly added, "we must take this one step at a time since Cletus is no easy foe. Our first task is to complete this magical mannequin. About a day's journey from here lives an old wizard named Mr. Wizard, well at least that's what he goes by. Nobody knows his real name. He will help us apply the ingredients to the mannequin. But Mr. Wizard can be a bit untrusting at times. Since he and the Count are good friends we are allowed use of his facilities."

The Count pipped up, "Yes that's right. Mr. Wizard and I will transform this mannequin into a replica of the Fair Lady Lilly before she was striken with her illness."

"Thank you." smiled Lilly weakly, and she turned to Bob. "It is imperative that we get the mannequin to look and act exactly like me before I was reduced to this sickly, old form that I am in now. On the way to Cletus' Lair, we will take the mannequin to Megalopolis and enter it in this year's Miss Nowhereinparticular Beauty Contest. It is imperative that *I*," Lilly pointed to the mannequin, "be a member of the contest, my life depends on it. The contest is a few weeks a way. And Cletus' Lair is far from Megalopolis, but my condition can't get much worse than it already is so I am sure we have some time. Cletus thinks he has me trapped but we will show him. But let's not get in to too many details right now, it is time for rest. Tommorrow we will travel to Mr. Wizard's Laboratory and from there on to Megalopolis, and ultimately to Cletus' Lair. But the journey is long and dangerous and a lot can happen on the way there."

"Drat! I was afraid she would say that." Borolog slapped his forehead in dispair.

Bob smiled. The whole wide world of adventure waited for him and he was determined to give it a boot kickin' it would never forget.



[This message has been edited by Big B (edited October 22, 2001).]

 

The morning came, but it wasn't the ideal morning Bob had hoped for. It was a rainy, windy and generally unpleasant morning, and the emus loved it. Not because of the weather, but because they had found, bitten, stomped, kicked and finally eaten a couple of xvarts who had inexplicably taken up residence in the stables.

"They've eaten and are ready to go," said Borolog as he entered the dining room, where the others just had finished their breakfast, "beats me where they found the xvarts, though."
"Good!" said Lady Lilly. "Then we just have to wait for Count Bantu before we go. He's at his place saying goodbye to his wife, and will be here any minute now."
Cuan was looking out of the windows, sadly eyeing the gray sky. "Not precisely the best of weathers for travelling... A pity we didn't buy any raincoats yesterday."
"Don't worry," said Pilli. "The Count has apparently found a way to shield us from the rain."
Cuan glanced quickly at the gnome, and then resumed watching the great, but wet, outdoor through the window. "You know, my brother's rabbit died on a rainy day such as this..."
"You don't say..."
"He got stuck in his grandparents' hole and drowned. We cried for weeks before..."
Bob saw a man come riding up the street on a giant bird. It was quite clearly Count Bantu. "Look! There he is!"

When they were all gathered again, they walked out to the stables. Charles dispatched the half-eaten xvart bodies lying there, while the others packed their emus.
"You ever ridden an emu before?" Pilli looked quizzically at Bob as he mounted his bird.
"No. Why're you asking?"
"Nothing special, it's just that you're supposed to sit further back, on the saddle. And try not to strangle the poor animal with your legs."
Bob blushed slightly, moved back a little, and loosened his leg's iron grip around the emu's neck. "Umm... I knew that!"
Seeing that everybody had mounted and was ready to go, Count Bantu walked up to Borolog's bird and whispered an incantion. Upon its completion, the fluffy rudder-feathers of the emu grew and formed a windshield above the gnome, protecting him from wind and weather. The count repeated the procedure on the remaining emus, and then entered the coach. "I believe we're ready to go now."
Bob, Cuan, Borolog and Pilliwiddlipillipitit were mounted on an emu each, the others travelled with the coach.
Charles bid them all farewell, and they set out for Mr. Wizard's laboratory.
About a mile outside of Middle, they completely failed to notice the giant toad that vigilantly tried to survey the road from a nearby hill, but couldn't due to the heavy rain.

In the evening the heavy clouds had drifted off into the distance, and the weary travellers could finally see Mr. Wizard's humble abode by some big trees about half a mile away.
The wizard himself greeted them at the door, and after the initiating pleasantries, and when Count Bantu had introduced them all, Borolog looked curiously at the mage. "Isn't Mr. Wizard rather lame? Don't you also have another name?"
Mr. Wizard looked down at the gnome with a grin. "There are some who would call me... Tom."

 

heh, this is cool! Keep it comming! (unfortunatly I have not the time and brain space to also write a story while working )

 

About the concern of posting something when somebody else does, know that on the main screen you can click on Boo and he will tell you if someone is currently relplying to this topic. As for brain space, well sorry I can't help you with that .

Also, Namuras good job! I love the irony of the emus eating the xvarts (who were once the horses). Survival of the fittest ehh?

And now the story...muah hah hah ha...


Bob thought this Mr. Wizard/Tom guy had quite a setup. It looked humble on the outside, but the inside...well that was a different story. The Count noticed his facial expressions of amazement and whispered to him that there was so much more in the laboratory but Mr. Wizard liked to keep his experiments to himself.

As they walked down a wide hallway, a light wave of heat came from the walls, drying them off. "Thanks." said Lilly.

Mr. Wizard told her it was no problem and led them down the hallway. Nobody seemed to notice that the hallway was getting smaller, in that the walls came closer to each other, and the ceiling had started to get higher. Or perhaps the floor was getting lower. Everyone was engaged in conversation until Cuan remarked on the sudden tightness of the room. Mr. Wizard coughed something unintelligible and for a split second everyone felt as if they were floating, suspended in air. A blink of an eye later, the room had turned on its side, and a golden door appeared. Mr. Wizard snapped twice and a key appeared in the palm of his hand when he was done. The door was opened and he invited everyone in but warned them to be careful of what they touched, as always.

"Nifty!" remarked Pilli, as he led the way in.

Bob found himslef in a large circular room, with a blue and red stained-glass dome, giving the room a purple tint. Golden lab tables, flasks, and bookshelves were neatly arranged around the room.

Borolog smiled. "Exquisite dome, I could call this place home."

Mr. Wizard snapped and several candles across the room were lit, making it more conducive to magical mannequin operations and replied. "Thank you good gnome. Now as the Fair Lady Lilly and the Count have told me, we must successfully apply three ingredients to the magical mannequin. If not done correctly, the project could be ruined. And as the Lady tells me, her life depends on it. We must create a living, breathing, and moving Lady Lilly in all her beauty before this terrible sickness. With that let us proceed with caution." He then directed the chauffer and the coachman to gently place the magical mannequin, who they had been carrying, on a table in the center of the room."

"Thank you boys." said the mannequin with the same blank facial expression.

Lilly fidgeted the three ingredients (powdered pig's feet, a floating multi-colored tunic, and a flask of insta-cologne, perfume, poison, and cooking oil all in one) nervously while Cuan and Bob sought to calm her. Meanwhile Pilli and Count Bantu were helping Mr. Wizard get some equipment out of a nearby trunk. Namely, a splendid horse-hair brush and a satin washcloth. "Unicorn." said Mr. Wizard when Pilli eyed the brush strangely.

The Count stroked his goatee and his eyes lit up. "Reminds me of the time when we were hunting for ankheg shells and spotted a unicorn in the distance. It was a beauty."

Mr. Wizard smiled softly. "Yes, and if I remember correctly you tried to get closer to get a better look and didn't notice an ankheg burrow out of the ground behind you. Well that is until it bit you." The Count's hands reflexively went to his behind and everyone laughed, including Lilly.

Bob smiled at Lilly. "It's good to see you laughing Miss. Don't worry I am sure we will get this mannakin fixed up and all that good stuff."

Cuan nudged Bob and winked at Lilly. "Sure you're not saying that just because you can't wait to see this beautiful Lilly we've all been talking about?"

Bob and Lilly blushed and before anyone could say anything else the door flew open and an old man wheeled himself into the room. "Don't mind me." He shouted. "I'm just here for the show. I've never seen this done before, just theorized about it."

Mr. Wizard went down to help push the old man, who was in a wheel-chair, up a ramp to the center of the room where everyone else was. "This is my grandpa, Grandpa Wizard."

"Howdy!" greeted Bob, taking advantage of the timely situation and changing the subject. "What's that you are sittin' in?"

Grandpa Wizard's aged eyes lit up. "Why it's a wheel chair son. My grandson here invented it for me. He is quite a genius. Quite a genius..."

Now it was Mr. Wizard's turn to blush. "Well you and dad taught me most everything I know."

"Yes, yes Tombelthalon, my grandson. Now indulge us with this clever operation." Grandpa Wizard pointed to the mannequin.

As Mr. Wizard and the Count said a few incantations and opened the bottle of powdered pig's feet, Borolog noticed something alarming. He knew someone was missing, and now it was clear. The Nobleman and Jethro never entered the domed laboratory. "My gosh! They must be lost!"

"Who?" queried Lilly? "Oh the Nobleman and Jethro. My goodness, I hope they are ok."

When everyone was filled in on the situation the Count consoled Mr. Wizard. "This isn't the first time he's gotten lost. No need to worry. Pilli, why don't you and the coachman and the chauffer go find them. Relax Mr. Wizard, they can be trusted."

A worried Mr. Wizard shuffled through his pockets. "Here take this Pilli. It will light up when you are near the Nobleman and the dog. It will only let you through doors that lead to wherever they may be. No alarms have sounded yet, so it can't be anywhere dangerous. However, last week a few rabid bats did escape into one of the hallways. I haven't been able to capture them all back yet. Hopefully you won't encounter those."

Pilli accepted the key and patted his crossbow by his side. "No need to worry about that Sir. Come on boys." Pilli nodded to the chauffer and the coachman.

Grandpa Wizard cawked. "They'll be alright. Ol' Grandpa Wizard ran into one of those bats on the way here. Smacked it upside the head with my cane I did!"

"Good!" the Count exclaimed. "Now you three meet us back here and hopefully we will have completed Lilly #2 by then."

***Meanwhile***

Outside of the laboratory the rain continued pouring hard. Boris, the giant toad, found shelter under a large rock-outcropping on the other side of a hill adjacent to Mr. Wizard's Laboratory.

*Stupid peoples. I smell the birdies. Yes I do.* thought Boris as he curled out a rather large tongue and felt around with webbed hands through a sack he had hidden in a large fold of his skin below his throat and upper torso. He pulled out three slimy gemstones and meticulously (as possible for a giant toad) arranged them in a triangle on the ground. He then croaked an incantation. The gemstones lit up, and the air directly above them turned dark green and shifted to form a mirror-like image above the gemstones. A few croaks later and the image swirled into the hideous face of Cletus the Hill Giant.

"Fiddlefart Brutus! What have I told you about sending an instant gemstone message to me when I am eating?" said the hill giant in a gruff voice.

"Ribbito ribbitum...CROAK!" replied Brutus apologetically.

"Well get on with it." grumbled Cletus he wiped the back of his hand across his mouth to remove some gravy.

Brutus proceeded in updating his master on the latest news.

"Intresting my pet. Well don't encounter them just yet. We need to find out more details on this situation. But keep a close eye on them and maybe ol' Cletus will give you some more mashed fly biscuits. You like those don't you?"

Brutus nodded his flabby head rapidly.

"Good! Now get back to work and keep out of sight. Very few know about gemstone technology and I'd like to keep it that way."

The image flickered and Brutus sat there drooling while dreaming about mashed fly biscuits.




[This message has been edited by Big B (edited October 25, 2001).]

 

Pilli closed the golden door behind him and the three headed up the corridor. They had just commenced their search when Pilli sensed that something was wrong, that something was forgotten. "Damn! My quiver of bolts!" he exclaimed and rushed back to the laboratory door. "Ack! Bloody door doesn't open; it doesn't lead to the Nobleman and Jethro!"
The coachman didn't quite understand. "What's the problem, boss? You heard the old man, just smack 'em bats with a cane if they try anything funny!"
"Ah well, it'll have to do. Come then, let's resume our search."
Pilliwiddlipillipitit led the three up the narrow corridor, examining every door they came across, while the coachman and the chauffeur covered him, ready to fend off any rabid bat that happened to be flying their way.
The hallway was getting broader as they drew further away from the dome, yet no door could be opened, which troubled Pilli somewhat. The ceiling was getting lower again, making it more difficult to get a good swing at any attacking bat, which troubled the coachman and the chauffeur somewhat. Not that any actually attacked, but they wanted to be ready if they did.

Eventually the three reached the front door of Mr. Wizard's abode. "Last chance, this," said Pilli as he tried, successfully, to open it. The rain had stopped pouring outside, and the sun was setting in the distant east. As they walked out on the still wet grass, they noticed the Nobleman and Jethro sitting atop a nearby hill, admiring the scene. At least the Nobleman was admiring it, Jethro just sat there gnawing on something which, as they approached, turned out to be an already half-digested bat.

"Hey there!" said Pilli, looking at the Nobleman. "Why didn't you come inside with the rest of us?"
"The dog didn't want to, so we took a walk instead."
"Aha... Did you enjoy it?"
"Well, it was nice. Until it started raining again, that is. We were forced to seek shelter in the coach..."
"Why didn't you go for the front door instead?" the coachman gave the Nobleman a puzzled look.
"You see that ditch down there? There was a temporary river that could compete in ferocity with the Grand and Stupefyingly Ultra-Violent Cascade itself, behind which Cletus has his lair, flowing there just an hour ago. No sane man would attempt to cross it."
"I see..." A troubled expression suddenly crossed Pilli's face. "Speaking of Cletus, I sense that something is... wrong around here. You go inside, the coachman and the chauffeur know the way."
"What about you?" asked the Nobleman.
"I'll just do some investigations, and will probably be back a few minutes after you."

The three men and the dog walked down the hill towards Mr. Wizard's laboratory, leaving the gnome alone.
He walked around the hill, examining every tree and searching the grass. When he reached the other side, he discovered something. "Better go tell the others of this," he thought as he sped back to the others.
Mr. Wizard and Count Bantu had just applied the cologne when Pilli returned, and there was only a few incantations left before the mannequin was completed.
"Oh, there you are!" said Lilly. "You're just in time."
"I made some interesting discoveries out there..."
All turned to Pilli as he told them that he'd found a large outcropping on the other side of the hill. This in itself was no startling news, but then he said that there was no grass in front of it; only mud, as if it had recently been walked upon by something big. And what's more, there were absolutely no insects around! "And you know what this means?" he finished.
They looked startled at each other. "Boris!"

 

The Count raised his hands in an attempt to stifle the mumurs across the room. "Let's not jump to conclusions folks. It could have been caused by anything. And even if this Boris is following us, there are many of us and only one of him. Now let us finish this mannequin here."

Mr. Wizard used the unicorn-hair brush to comb the mannequin's hair which seemed to shine and become a brilliant brown color as it made contact with the brush. The Count rubbed the insta-perfume on the mannequin using the satin washcloth just like he did the powdered pig's feet. Although all the powdered pig's feet was used up, the Count did not need to finish the flask of insta-cologne, perfume, poison, and cooking oil all in one, so he tucked it into his robes for future use. The tunic had been drapped around the mannequin earlier and it sparkled in the light of the room.

As they were working, Pilli whispered to Cuan, Bob, and Borolog to keep their eyes open. "The Count may not consider Boris a threat, but I do."

Cuan and Borolog nodded while Bob curiously watched the mannequin being worked on. Just then Bob heard Mr. Wizard say something that sounded like "apple fritters" and a purple mist shrouded where the mannequin had once been.

Then she stepped out of the mist, everyone's eyes on her. She had lovely white skin like ivory, long flowing brown hair that glistened in the sun light, and eyes the deepest brown, enough to melt anything that looked into them. The mannequin was no longer a mannequin, but was a copy of Lilly before her sickness. She was tall and shapely, dressed in a beautiful blue gown.

Pilli gave out a low whistle while Borolog and the others grinned. Bob just stood there awe-stricken, when the real Lilly reached over and closed his open mouth. "Is something wrong Bob?"

Bob tried to speak and after a moment he managed to get out a few words, "Yes...uh yes ma'am. I mean...uh no! No ma'am. I'm quite alright."

Lilly smiled weakly. "Good. Now this is strange. I'd never thought it would be this way." She fought to keep her composure. "We will call her Milly, but she will be known as me for the pageant."

Milly spoke, her lips moving this time, "I like that name. I know I am not really you, just an outward appearance look-a-like. But I will help you as best I can."

Lilly smiled. "Thanks. But you do contain one trait that I have and that is a willingness to help another."

Milly smiled back and the two hugged each other. Then Cuan clapped his hands. "Alright you two, enough of this mushy stuff. We should be celebrating!"

Mr. Wizard grinned. "Indeed. We must celebrate this landmark in modern magic that we have breached today. I'll have something cooked up in no time. I can make a mean meat-lasagna!"

"Lasagna?" queried Bob. "Ain't never had no lasagna. But if it's food, it's food, and I'll eat it."

Pilli patted his stomach. "You can say that again!"

*** A few hours later in Mr. Wizard's Festhall ***

The Festhall had not seen as much dancing and revelry in years. Mr. Wizard had rigged some spinning jars full of glowbugs of various colors onto the ceiling. When the room was dark and the jars spun, colorful lights played across the room. To top it off, Mr. Wizard played music from a machine that he had invented. Gadgets whirled as the machine pumped music of all sorts into the room. "I think I'll call it a music box!" yelled Mr. Wizard to the Count, who was fascinated by it.

Grandpa who had been dancing alongside Milly in his wheelchair pipped up, "Yup, that's my grandson!"

Meanwhile, Cuan, Borolog, and Pilli were playing with Grandpa Wizard's cane. Two would hold it out while the other danced under it. Each time the cane would be lowered and the person would still have to dance under it without falling.

"This is great, especially for us gnomes. We should call it the 'dirty gnome groove'!" exclaimed Pilli.

Borolog rapped the cane down over Pilli's head playfully. "Don't be a bimbo! We'll call it the Limbo!"

Over to the side, the Nobleman was arguing with the coachman and the chauffer over whether or not the punch was spiked. At their feet, Jethro danced with what was left of his half-digested rabid bat. (Don't worry Jethro's never missed a rabies shot. )

And where was Bob? Dancing with the Fair Lady Lilly of course.

*** The next morning ***

As the sun shed its first light into Mr. Wizard's domed laboratory, the travelers packed their stuff in the coach and began to say their goodbyes.

"Thank you for everything." Lilly gave Mr. Wizard a hug.

"Nothing to it Lady Lilly. Good luck on your adventures, the journey to Megalopolis from here won't be easy. There are rumors of war about to break out between the dwarves of Rock Quarry and the villagers of Ye Olde Village." Mr. Wizard pointed to Lilly's map of Nowhereinparticular. "Don't know what all the fuss is about, but you will need to pass through the region containing these two towns if you are to make Megalopolis in a couple of weeks. Both towns are a few day's journey north-east from here. But even the road between here and there is not safe. Grandpa Wizard and I wish to give you this gift." Mr. Wizard pointed to a grinning Grandpa Wizard who pulled a curtain off of what looked like a giant crossbow mounted on a spinning wheel.

"Firepower that packs a punch. Unlimited ammo too! It shoots out magical bolts of energy! Rate of fire is roughly one bolt per 10 seconds!" exclaimed Grandpa Wizard, swinging his fists in the air at invisible enemies.

"My goodness." gasped Lilly.

"I'm in love !" shouted Pilli as he looked the giant crossbow over. "Heh! It's even got a built in seat!"

"Here let me fix it for you." offered Mr. Wizard. He then spoke a complex incantation and the giant crossbow was lifted up and mounted on top of the coach. Pilli jumped in the coach, opened the top hatch, and climbed into the seat of the giant crossbow, spinning it around and firing at invisible enemies also. "Yeah baby! Who's gonna mess with us now?" Pilli looked up and shouted, tempting the sky.

Just then Borolog and Cuan came back with the emus who had eaten all the straw and a rake in the stables. "Holy elven diety of stagecoach warfare! Where'd we get that!?!" Cuan gawked at the site of the coach's newest modification.

"Never mind where me boy! What's important is your journey up ahead. Protect these ladies with all you have." Grandpa Wizard pointed his cane at Lilly and Milly. "And you too Bob."

"Have no fear Gramps." Bob beamed as he held the coach's door open for Lilly and Milly, now dressed in clothes more suitable for adventuring with the gown packed away, and helped them into the coach.

Mr. Wizard waved goodbye to the travelers as Bob, Cuan, Borolog, and the Count mounted emus.

The Nobleman thanked Mr. Wizard for the "addition" to his coach and with that the travelers headed along the road in the direction of north-east.

Later, that afternoon the adventurers were still making good progress. Having followed the road through grassy hills and a small forest, they were now coming upon open, grassy plains as far as the eye could see.

The coachman saw it first. Looming in the distance was some sort of an extensive caravan. But from the loud shouts and visible smoke coming from it, the travelers deduced something was amiss.

Pilli began scrambling towards the top hatch, as he had been looking for an excuse to mount the crossbow.

Meanwhile, the four emu riders rode up next to the coach, conversing with everyone about what should be done. That's when an arrow whizzed past Cuan's ear and he instinctively drew his bow, ready for action...



[This message has been edited by Big B (edited October 29, 2001).]

 

Cuan looked around, searching for a target, and spotted a group of horsemen atop a low hill a short distance left of the road. Two more arrows came whistling through the airspace in the immediate vicinity of the elf's pointy ears. He returned the fire, and so did Bob, whose bow was also drawn by now.
"Pilli! Here's some targets for ye!" yelled Borolog, and the giant firearm on the coach spun around towards the horsemen in a threatening manner.
"Now you're toast! Can't you see we're armed?" cried Pilli as he unleashed the first bolt of lethal energy, which created a considerable crater where four horsemen stood just a moment ago. This, and the fact that three had fallen to Bob's and Cuan's arrows, made the horsemen charge, surprisingly slowly, down the hill to engage the still vastly outnumbered emu-riders in close combat instead. As they approached, it turned out that they weren't riding horses at all, but donkeys. The coachman gave a laugh at the sight and unharnessed two emus from the coach, which he and the chauffeur mounted.

When the donkeymen had closed with Bob & Crew they were already severely weakened; they had lost another five men to the archers, and Pilli's bolts had claimed three. Pilli himself was in his right element, that was quite clear. He could be heard shouting things like "Woohooo! Take that!", "Yeah, baby! Diminutivo the Overgnome has you now!" and "Dammit! I forgot my quiver of bolts again!" He jumped down, grabbed an emu and unsheathed his shortsword. They were now seven emu-riders against ten donkeymen.
"This shouldn't take long," said Count Bantu as he led the group into the fray, "everybody knows that donkeys are useless in mounted combat!"
"For Lady Lilly!" cried Bob as he and the others followed. Upon hearing this, Lilly blushed slightly, but nobody noticed.

The Count was right, the battle didn't last long. The donkeymen had a hard time defending themselves against the emu-riders' sharp blades and magic, but what really caused their defeat were the emus themselves. The birds ferociously hacked away at the donkeys and their masters, ruthlessly kicked and stomped the fallen and, as if that wasn't enough, gave away horrible screeches that could make even an army of undead consider desertion. "Gotta love these birds," Bob thought as he finished the last donkeyman with his sword.

"These must be, hrrm, have been villagers of Ye Olde Village," said Lilly, looking at the battlefield. "I wonder why they attacked us? We don't look overly much like dwarves, do we?"
The count eyed the scene for some moments. "If there were any survivors, we could have asked, and maybe found out the reason behind this war... But there isn't, so we can't." "And no, I do not think we look like dwarves," he added with a grin.
Lilly noticed that, despite the ruthless efficiency of the emus, which were currently feeding on the remains of the donkeys, some had been wounded during the fight. "We must now decide what to do... I suggest we find someplace to take care of the wounded..."
"Heh, these suits of platemail seem to have served us well," said Cuan, "I've only sustained a few scratches in the face, and should be alright, and I see that the same goes for Bob..."
"Yeah, but it seems like Pilli's chainmail wasn't as good as our plate." Bob nodded at the bleeding gnome who was currently searching the bodies for crossbow bolts. "And the coachman and the chauffeur could use some help as well..."
Count Bantu's eyes lit up. "No problems, I'll take care of it!" He pronounced an incantation, and upon it's completion Pilliwiddlipillipitit, the coachman and the chauffeur turned into trolls. "There! They'll be healed in a couple of minutes!"
Suddenly Jethro leapt out of the coach, ran up to Pilli and attached himself to his bottom.
"Oh no! Not again!" moaned Pilli.

The smoke in the distance was even heavier now, and still could loud screams be heard...

 

"Ah the marvels of modern day regeneration." mused Count Bantu with a smirk on his face.

A few grumbles and a Dispel Magic later, and everyone was healed and back into proper form. Just as this happened Jethro unleashed his iron bite and fell to the ground. Apparently Pilli wasn't as tasty as a troll.

When another hideous scream came from the way-layed caravan, the Count proposed he and Bob take two emus and scout out just what was going on. The others would stay and protect the women.

The Count led the way on his emu and Bob followed with his bow drawn. "Easy where you point that thing son." warned the Count.

"Don't ya worry Count. I've been handlin' a bow since I was nine." Bob said assuringly.

Then the Count held up his hand to silence Bob and motioned to the nearest wagon. More militia men from Ye Olde Village were returning missle fire to what appeared to be wagons of different craftmanship.

"Must be the dwarves." the Count told Bob softly. "Reminds me of the time when I helped fight the dwarven invasion of '72 back in Middle."

Both parties weren't paying attention to the two onlookers, instead they focused on each other as the dwarves took an offensive approach, forcing the villagers on the defensive. The remaining villagers were wiped out as the dwarves strategically sent three flaming wagons at the villagers' wagons, the dwarven riders bailing out at the right moment. One didn't make it as a bow found it's mark in its target's chest. Soon the villager's wagons were up in flames and they had nothing to hide behind. Bob found it strange though that they took the effort to salvage three large chests from the burning wagons. However, these were confinscated by the dwarves, who took the few villagers left as prisoners.

That's when Bob and the Count decided to go back and report to the others. But when they returned, they found that there was company. A good twenty or so, odd dwarven fighters had surrounded the coach, crossbows drawn.

"Figures." moaned the Count.

"Hold it right there. I'm Captain Feldspar, leader of this contigent of Rock Quarry's Dwarven Special Forces. You better have a good reason for traveling through these plains, blasted full of green grass and no rocks that they are. This region is a no-travel zone, we're restricting all routes leading to Rock Quarry and that...that despicable village we must call neighbours. How do we know you aren't village people?"

"Restricting routes? Village people?" asked Pilli in mock disbelief. "How do we know you are a real dwarf? You don't have 'blood' or 'axe' anywhere in your name!"

Captain Feldspar's coal-black eyes narrowed. "Hold your tongue gnome! We're going to have to take you to Commander Granite back at the camp. He will decide your fate."

 

Borolog waited for someone else to say the obvious, but nobody did. He waited some more.
When the dwarves approached to capture them he decided to say it. "Hold, good Captain Feldspar! Know that we no villagers are!" The Captain turned to face Borolog, as did the rest of the dwarves. "Then tell me, gnome, exactly how we can know!"
Borolog pointed at the dead villagers and their donkeys, which were still being gnawed upon by the emus. "There does your answer lie, those villagers were quick to die."
"Hmmm... Yes, you may be speaking the truth..." Captain Feldspar said thoughtfully, stroking his beard. "I'll go see for myself. Corporal Limestone, you come with me!"
"Watch out for the emus!" Cuan shouted as he saw the two dwarves walk towards the corpses. "They tend to be very nasty to things they don't like!"

Bob and Count Bantu had stopped within earshot, and were watching the scene warily.
"Do you think we should intervene?" said Bob as the two dwarves commenced their examination of the bodies.
"They're lucky that our birds have just eaten..." The Count's mind was apparently somewhere else. "What did you say?" he added.
"Intervene. I asked whether or not we should intervene."
"Aha... Well, no. I'm sure the stout ones will see reason, and if they don't, I'm certain our little illusionist friend can sway their minds, if you know what I mean... No, I even think we should reveal our presence..." Count Bantu was already on his way towards the coach before Bob could answer, so he just followed.

"Halt! Identify yourselves!" boomed one of the dwarves as the two emu-riders drew nearer.
"They're with us," said Lilly, "they just did some scouting, so we wouldn't be ambushed again."
The dwarf nodded to Bob and the Count, who steered their emus in between the dwarves and stopped in front of Lilly. “The dwarves were victorious and have left, though that doesn’t seem to matter much to us now…”
Captain Feldspar, who had just returned with from his little investigation with a very un-dwarven smile on his face, happened to hear the count’s words. “Oh, but it does, my dear… hmm, what’s your name, good sir?”
“Bantu, Count Bantu.”
“It does matter, my dear Bantucountbantu. If those villagers had prevailed, we would have had to waylay them at the soonest, to rescue our kin. That would be very rude to our guests…”
Pilli eyed the Captain in disbelief. “Guests? I thought we were your prisoners!”
“Yes, dear gnome, I, too, thought so at first. But the carcasses over there are clearly bodies villagers and their donkeys,” the dwarf almost spat the words out, but then his voice was again happy, ”which means that you cannot be held prisoners, as you have done us a great service in slaying our foes.”
“Glad to be of help, Captain,” said Bob, who found the dwarf’s happiness most strange, as that didn’t fit at all with his picture of the stout folk.
“We cannot, however,” and here Captain Feldspar’s face turned grim, “let you leave just yet. You must first come with us to our camp and report to Commander Granite. He doesn’t want anyone travelling through this region without his permission, you see.”
“How far away is the camp?” inquired Lady Lilly, looking somewhat impatient.
“About a day’s walk to the north-east, M’lady,” Corporal Limestone answered.
”At least it’s in the right direction,” she murmured, and then spoke up, “but it’s too slow if we have to travel with soldiers on foot! Can’t you and your corporal come with us in the coach, good Captain?”
“But certainly, M’lady! Whatever pleases our guests! Well, shall we be off, then?”

The coachman harnessed the giant birds to the coach again. Corporal Limestone mounted Borolog’s emu to lead the way, and rode beside Bob, Cuan and Count Bantu; Borolog himself took place on the crossbow beside Pilli, who sat there because, as he claimed, “They were, after all, going through perilous lands”. Before Captain Feldspar entered the coach, he had to give some orders. “Special Soldier Basalt! Lead the contingent back to the camp! I expect you there tomorrow afternoon. You think you can make it?”
“Yes captain! Tomorrow afternoon, it is!”
“Good,” said Captain Feldspar and boarded the coach.
As they rode away, they could hear Special Soldier Basalt’s booming voice in the distance, and Captain Feldspar smiled again.
“Third Contingent of Rock Quarry's Dwarven Special Forces! We now march for Camp Stone Pit! Execute order!”

 

Good job on the James Bond reference with the Count there, Namuras!

The story continues...

For the first three hours the coach passed no one on the road. Finally, a horseman did pass by, but he seemed in a hurry and nobody got a real good look at him.

Captain Feldspar leaned his head out the nearest window. "Oh yeah, coachman. I meant to tell you, if you see anyone on the road we need to stop and question them."

The coachman gave a thumbs up and went back to trading pick-up lines with his friend, the chauffer. "Here's one...M'Lady, you are a beautiful damsel in dis-dress, allow me to help you out of it."

After a moment of raucious laughter, the chauffer managed to say, "So tell me M'Lady, did the blacksmith charge you extra for all the metal required for your breastplate?"

At this point Pilli had overheard and decided to contribute, "Do you have any gnome in you? Would you like some?" More raucious laughter ensued.

Then Borolog gave his hand at it, "Stow the juvenile humor for awhile. Here's a winning line sure to make a Lady smile...M'Lady, I wouldst fight through dragon's breath and fire, to get to you my sweet desire."

The coachman and the chauffer sat there a moment dumbfounded and than after a moment broke into more laughter.

Milly leaned her head out a window and told Borolog he was sweet and the rest of the guys needed to take notes from him.

Pilli was about to flutter his eyelashes to mock the situation but never got a chance as the coach abrubtly came to a stop, sending Pilli forward. Luckily, Borolog was able to reach and grab Pilli's shirt and pull him back.

The cause of the halt became apparent as a large ogre got up from his position of lying down on the ground. Corporal Limestone dismounted his emu after seeing that the ogre appeared to be unarmed, save the tree branch and a sackcloth, being used as a bag, tied to it. "What were you doing sleeping in the middle of the road!?!"

At this point, Captain Feldspar had jumped out of the coach and approached the ogre as well.

The ogre's eyes darted back and forth between the two dwarves and then he bellowed, "I take it no more! Gus is failure! Gus' mother say Gus not fit to run family ogre business. Gus not fit to be a ogre. Gus blow up too many warehouses by accident. Then Gus go out on his own. But Gus get mugged by kobolds. Kobolds all die, but Gus is murderer! Gus deserves to die!"

The Captain and the Corporal exchanged "you gotta be kidding me" looks, and then Feldspar spoke up. "Well Gus, we can't have you roaming the roads in this mental state of yours. I'd advise you to come with us."

Unfortunately Gus was too big to fit in the coach, and too heavy even for the stout emus. Besides, Gus was looking like he didn't want to come. But Bob spoke up, "Hey I got this here Holding Bag in my backpack, maybe Gus can fit in it!" Bob fiddled through his pack and pulled out the Bag of Holding that he had been awarded for his bravery in Middle's marketplace. "Hey Gus you like cornbread?"

"MMMMM. Cornbread!" Gus' eyes grew large and he rubbed his huge hands together.

"Come and get it then!" Bob chucked the cornbread into his Bag of Holding and held it open towards Gus who came running towards him and diving in after the cornbread. Bob tied the bag and placed it back in his pack with ease.

"Right, let's go." Captain Feldspar said while clapping his hands once. "Hopefully there won't be anymore distractions."

***

Well there weren't any more "distractions" and a few hours later they approached Camp Stone Pit. Captain Feldspar finished up his conversation with Lilly and the Nobleman about mining precious gemstones, and stepped out to greet a dwarf that had advanced to the mysterious coach led by emus.

"Ah, Sergeant Slate! The contingent should arrive tommorrow around noon. Corporal Limestone and I decided to escort these people to the Commander so that they may be given permission to travel through the area. They did help us in a fight against an enemy caravan."

"Interesting." panted the Sergeant, who had just run up the pit's steep sides. "It's good you arrived when you did, we lost our last spy yesterday to the enemy. And there is a good chance they will attack this camp tommorrow and advance on to Rock Quarry, while joining with other of their camps I'm sure. Commander Granite was hoping you'd make it back soon. He wants you to lead an espionage mission in the enemy camp tonight. We should go see him immediately!"

Captain Feldspar's face was grave. "Right, let's go, but have someone stay and watch the coach and the emus."

The chauffer, the coachman, Jethro, and Pilly offered to stay with the coach while everyone else followed the three dwarven soldiers past a trail of wagons and downhill into a depression in the earth which made the bulk of the camp.

*Welcome to Camp Stone Pit* Bob thought to himself as he witnessed several groups of dwarves doing their evening training exercises while others were sitting down on barrels and crates getting their turn at dinner. Bob could tell by their looks that the dwarves weren't used to humans, elves, and gnomes in their camps.

On their way through the camp, Cuan questioned the lay-out of the camp in the event of an attack.

Captain Feldspar was quick to answer that Rock Quarry's Dwarves would die before setting up a camp with tents. "Besides, the pit has had escape tunnels dug into its sides. So if our attackers thought they had us trapped in this pit, we could use the tunnels and in turn sneak up on them. The wagons on top of the ridge are well guarded too. In fact some of our tunnels come up near them. This is one of Camp Stone Pit's hidden strenghts and as far as we know remains a secret to all our enemies. The Camp's been around for years, but only recently have we had to use it for basing war operations in this area." said Captain Feldspar with a frown.

"Here we are, prepare to meet the Commander." announced Sergeant Slate as the group neared a large hut.

Once inside everyone gathered before Commander Granite and the dwarven soldiers saluted and reported the current events. "Very well Captain. The war has reached new fronts and I don't think it is beyond speculation that we may be attacked, even tommorrow. I don't have much time to explain but I want these guests to eat and be welcome for the night." Commander Granite turned towards Lady Lilly and her group. "Thank you for helping fight the enemy. You can rest here safely for the night but then you must go. You may travel the land, but at your own discretion. As for you men, good work. Get something in your stomachs and prepare for an important mission tonight. I wish I had not lost my spies, but I know I can count on you three. You're my most realible soldiers." The Commander stopped to shake each of their hands.

"Thank you Sir." Commander Feldspar stood proud. "We are glad to be of service."

Something inside of Bob told him to speak up, "Commander Granite, since you have allowed my friends to rest here tonight I would offer my help on this mission tonight. I'm afraid I am not tired and would like to help."

"A strapping lad I'm sure." Commander Grantite folded his arms. "But this is the Dwarven Special Forces of Rock Quarry. We normally wouldn't accept such charity, as kind as it may be, but if you can be of aid to Captain Feldspar and his crew, I won't stand in your way."

"Certainly this lad looks like he's good with a bow. We could use a sniper for this sort of mission I'm sure."

Bob said his thanks and pointed at Cuan. "He's a good shot too, is it ok if he comes?"

All eyes were on Commander Granite, who surprisingly wasn't frowning at this request. "You did us a favor by helping us defeat the enemy today. I cannot argue. This is a tough time for us. Very well, you both may join Captain Feldspar and you *will* take orders from him and his companions. If you five would follow me I will debrief you. Oh and grab a bowl." ordered the Commander as two dwarven cooks brought in some stew for the guests.

"Do be careful you two." called out a worried Lilly.

"Don't worry M'Lady. We'll be back before sunrise." consoled Bob while Cuan nodded his head.

And with that Cuan and Bob followed the dwarves to the Commander's room. Inside, Bob noticed the room had a rustic feel to it, typical of a Dwarven Commander.

"Have a seat men and enjoy the stew because tonight will not be a joy-ride. The makeshift enemy camp is about 3 hours east of here by way of wagon. We estimate from the size of the camp and the number of tents for there to be around three-hundred miltia men. Most are from that despicable slime-hole known as Ye Olde Village of scoundrels, hooligans, and miscreants! The nerve of them wanting to take over our mines and killing innocent dwarves!" Commander Granite's face had become a shade slighty less of purple. "Ahem. Sorry about that, I got a bit carried away there. Anyway, we have good reason to believe that someone else, perhaps even one of the Dukes of Megalopolis is behind this and is giving our enemy support in this situation. We have tried to intercept their messages, but have failed. That's where you guys come in. Tonight could be our last chance to get the evidence we need and somehow send it safely to the courts in Megalopolis. This is the closest we have been to the Commanding Officer. I want you guys to not only gather up any incriminating notes and diaries, you know the routine, but kidnap their Commander as well. Our case will only be fully supported with these kinds of evidence, be sure to get them all. Captain Feldspar, your lock-picking skills should come in handy. And from what I hear Sergeant Slate has assisted in a kidnapping before, and is well accustomed to the method. This is an important step in this war to remain in control of Rock Quarry. If the evidence is sufficient and we can get their Commander to spill what he knows in front of the Courts we may even gain back some of the mines our fellow dwarves have recently lost control of in other unfortunate scenerios, as I suspect a sinister plot here. Very well, good luck men, remember subterfuge! It's a quarter moon tonight so stick to the shadows! No doubt the Commander's tent is located somewhere in the middle of the camp, well guarded. Oh and see if you can find out when exactly they are planning to attack. Trust no one, those villagers can be deceptive with their flowery language! Your wagon is atop the hill and ready. Tell the driver who you are and then you're off."

Bob and Cuan finished their stew quickly and followed the dwarves out back and up the hill, towards their ride. Bob checked his weapons and prepared for his first mission ever, totally forgetting that there was a manic-depressive ogre named Gus in his Bag of Holding, which was securely inside of his backpack.

***

While on the path to the Villager's camp, Bob had struck up a conversation with Captain Feldspar on the subject of Dwarven weaponry.

"Look at this hammer, boy." offered the Captain as he let Bob hold his weapon. "What do you think?"

"Smashing!" exclaimed Bob as he checked out the hammer, even giving it a swing in the air.

Cuan let out a "Humph!" and proceeded in showing off his long sword to the rest of the wagon. It's silver edge glistened in the soft moonlight as Cuan whirled it through the air, displaying his swordsmen skills.

Sergeant Slate gave a low whistle and winked at Captain Feldspar. "What do you say Captain? Looks like that sword weighs more than the elf."

"Har har. More like a butter knife to me. Probably can't handle much more than butter I'd wager. There's nothing like Dwarven Craftsmanship." boasted Corporal Limestone as he patted his war hammer.

Cuan was about to defend himself but the dwarven wagon driver turned around and told everyone to keep it down because they were almost at the enemy camp.

That's when they heard a young man's voice call out, "Who goeth there?"

Cuan gave Bob a nudge and motioned for him to get out of the wagon. Bob jumped out and saw a man approaching, bow drawn. Bob noticed the guard trying to peer into the wagon to see its inhabitants.

"Don't worry sir. The Commander said to bring these supplies by midnight or else." Bob let out a forced laugh. "And it looks like we made it in time!"

"What supplies does thou refer to?" queried the guard, lowering his bow and stepping closer to take a look."

"Sandwiches sir." replied Bob, trying to think quick and stay cool.

The guard's face twisted in disbelief. "Sandwiches?!?"

"Yes!" Bob's eyes lit up as it hit him. "Knuckle sandwiches!" And with that Bob landed a mighty blow to the guard's jaw, sending him to the ground. Five pairs of eyes peered over the edge of the wagon to see what happened, only to find a grinning Bob and a knocked out guard. "Must be my mom's gibberling jerky." Bob flexed his biceps and cracked his knuckles.

"Gibberling jerky?" asked a confused Corporal Limestone. "I didn't know there was such a thing."

"Aye. Puts some meat on your chest." testified Bob as he hit his chest.

"Right. Now how about putting these on your 'chest'." said Captain Feldspar as he gave the guard's uniform and gear to Bob. "I've got an idea..."



[This message has been edited by Big B (edited November 07, 2001).]