What a 'Men's Magazine' has to say about being a dad...

Remove all ads!

Ok first off...I got sent a link to this article because one of my email buddies is going to be a dad in a few months, and he thought a lot of the advice was humorous. So don't get all cocky, thinking that Jessica and I are looking into the the prospect of children...because we're not. That said, enjoy some funny quotes:

Your child, at birth, already has a deeply complicated relationship with his mother, and, for the first year, you are only a curiosity.

For a couple of years after that, an amusement-park ride. Then, a referee. And finally, a bank.

Reason boys are better: They cannot get pregnant.

Reason girls are better: They're less likely to get arrested.

Reason boys are better: They cost less, especially their clothes.

Reason girls are better: They're less likely to burn, slash, or chew the clothes they have.

The first time you change your son's diaper and he pees all over you is not an accident. It's foreshadowing.

When changing diapers, avoid baby powder, as it can irritate her lungs. When changing diapers, definitely don't avoid the Desitin--spread it thick, like Spackle.

It never hurts to videotape the baby-sitter. Especially if she's hot.

Overalls are not only cute, they provide a convenient handle.

Beware your child's uncles, who will teach your kid dirty words, introduce him to liquor, and give him gifts of drums, archery sets, and possibly matches. It is, of course, your natural right to exert the above negative influences on your siblings' offspring.

You are under no obligation to tell children the truth. Lying to children is, in fact, half the fun: "Oh, that tree? That's a yellow-spotted spickle-gruber, of course." On the other hand, they do remember everything.

Unfortunately, those books that say motherhood makes women desire more sex are referring to women who are not your wife.

Let them read what they enjoy. Except your porn, which your son will eventually steal unless you hide it really well. No, you cannot ask for it back. Furthermore, you cannot steal his.

If you're thinking that fatherhood means the end of life as you've known it, you, sir, are, of course, absolutely correct.

Hop on over to http://men.msn.com/articlees.aspx?cp-documentid=702593 for the full list.

 

Nice read, Kitrax.

 

What is a Desitin and a Spackle?

 

Ah, my mistake, I forgot to mention that this is a US men's magazine...

Desitin is a diaper rash ointment, and spackle is best described by Wikipedia:

If you need more help than that, you might need to expand your vocabulary...

 

Hilarious! and very true

 

I got so many babies... too bad ill never meet any of em

 

Hehe.

 

So Decorators Caulk then.

 

These are so true, some for mums as well as dads


Number 44

 

Marcus frequently wears overalls for that very reason.