Tough Decision

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As some of you are probably aware, I started Law School this fall. I am also working full time, so I was unbelievably busy. I would get up at 6:00, get to work at 7:00, work until 5:30, go to law school at 6:00, be in class until 9:00, and then up studying until midnight or 1:00 before going to bed and doing it all over again. The classes were Monday-Thursday, so there really was no break.

After doing this for a week, I realized that I had no time to devote to my wife. She was sleeping by the time I got done studying, and so I wouldn't even see her. The weekend after I started, she told me that she didn't need for me to become a lawyer, and that it was more important for her to have a husband and to have children than anything else.

During the second week of classes, I promptly dropped out of law school. I think that I am content with the decision I have made, and yet it still feels like I have let go of an opportunity that I will never have again, for better or worse. I have come to the conclusion that it was a rather selfish desire of mine to start law school in my 30s, when having children is important to both myself and my wife. I'd also be running up a huge debt in student loans, with an uncertain future hanging in the balance.

Still, it is a door that has now closed forever to me. If I don't start now, I never will start later. My decision may have been the more honorable and noble decision, but I am uncertain if it was the correct decision. I don't think I need to be a lawyer to be happy with my life, but by the same token if becoming a lawyer would provide a better lifestyle for my family, was it worth proceeding anyway? OTOH, if I decided to stick it out, I'd now be grappling with whether or not I could put my wife through this for the next few years. It's one of those situations where there really isn't a right or a wrong decision, which is probably why I don't know how to feel about this. Any thoughts?

 

It's a matter of priorities. If your priority is to have children, you took the correct decision. If your priority is to become a lawyer for whatever reasons, then you took the wrong decision. Aren't there any part-time courses that you could attend or something like the british Open University?

 

Theoretically, yes, I could cut back my class load, but then the corrolary to that is it takes a hell of a lot longer to get done. I don't want to still be in law school when I'm pushing 40. It was either get it done in a few years, or not do it at all. With the amount of work it requires, adding kids to the "to do" list while I was still in school was really an impossibility.

 

I think I would do the same if I were you. I would think the wife had agreed to become a wife to a man who is there, not to a photo on the wall. If you can make a good living with your current job, then it's not a matter of life and death to finish the law school. Perhaps you could enrol on a less time-consuming post-graduate course to improve your qualifications? Maybe your boss would have some kind of a deal for you? As in, you attain these and those qualifications and he pushes you one step up on the ladder. How long does law school take over there?

 

Why do you want to be a lawyer? For the money? If you really really want to make loads of money, there are PLENTY of other jobs you can do to make more money that don't involve the same training as law, given that you are not the stage in your life when you can devote that time.

 

Well, you see, this was all predicated on the fact that I thought I'd be able to complete a large amount of my studies while I was at work. I HAD a pretty cushiony job before now. Now, I've been promoted, and am making considerably more money, but also I am taking on more responsibilities. I freely admit that one of the reasons I was going to law school was to make more money. Now that I am making considerably more money, one of my main reasons for attending was removed. Add to the fact that I no longer have the time at work to study, it makes it a pretty asinine decision to push forward. By trying to do both, I will end up half-assing both of them.

Plus, it's not like this is the only education that I was ever going to get. I already have a bachelor's degree in biology and a masters in biochemistry, so this would have been just one more degree.

Law school over here takes a minimum of three years if you are able to take 5-6 courses a semester. I was in no position to do that. For me it would have been 4-5 years to complete.

 

I say let go of law-school. Find something else, something that won't consume so much time. And if you have regrets, think about it this way.. You have been born too lucky and with too much opportunities. You could have done this, that or something completly different. Others may have arleady had to make such tough decisions and sacrifices in an earllier stage of life or were able but never had the possibilites. Or a baby with 20. Really, I know someone who was in a very similar postion. He will have his master degree in 1 year and be divorced in four (but that's just my speculation).

I should have learned Spanish instead of taking economics. Now that I've figured out how much they earn in translation, it's to late.

 

Perhaps the best solution for you is to do an interdisciplinary PhD, something like "Legislation and Biochemistry". You already have the background for biochemistry and you will have the chance to get some knowledge of the relevant legislation. Also this doesn't violate your time limits, since you can complete it in three or five years with much less effort than attending a full-time law school.

 

Certainly, family should be the priority.

You should not feel the door is permantly closed to you, though. With the graduate degree in biochem, the area of patent law becomes very feasable. This is such a big demand area that getting absurdly high paying jobs is quite common (starting salaries of $80-100K are normal). If you really desire to become an attorney do it full time (i.e., without working). Out here in Illinois there are a few law schools that specialize in intellectual property -- I've been told a common signing bonus is payoff of student loans incurred during law school.

As a polymer chemist, I've looked extensively at patent law and may still try for it (although my job now would be very tough to leave).

 

I think you made the right choice, Aldeth. Raise your children (you only get one, fleeting chance at that...trust me), then go to law school in your 50's.

If it's something you still want to do then, it will be easier, more affordable and probably more rewarding.

 

Aldeth - I agree with your decision. There is nothing more important than family. I waited till late in life to have kids also. And now that I have two girls, I wonder why I waited so long. Having a family is the best thing I've ever done. I'm pretty sure you will feel the same; the first time you hold your baby, you will know you've done the right thing.

 

Well, there are many lawyers but not so many PhDs. Perhaps that's a good idea. As for having kids, the younger the mother the healthier the child. Besides, you don't want to face angsty teenagers in your fifties. Trust me, you don't. Besides, isn't this also what your wife suggested? Seems to me, she might have been dropping you a hint in the kids direction...

 

Sounds like you don't really want to be a lawyer at all now and that you have answered your own question. Well done. Maybe you should become an accountant instead. Then you could be just like Splunge when you're old.

 

Money is a lousy reason to go to law school, it's too much work for something that you're not passionate about. Be passionate about your family, and if your desire to go to law school still burns when time presents itself, indulge it then. I'll bet, however, that it's long since fizzled.

 

Especially if, as you say, you'll end up with a huge student debt, then even money is not really a real motivator because you'll actually be worse off financially!

 

As someone with comparatively little experience relative to yourself, I'd recommend the line of thinking proposed by Chandos, Rally, Hack and T2.

You could still return to study when your kids grow up (as Hack suggested). My father did much the same; he has qualifications in physical, organic and inorganic chemistry. Once I was at school (I'm the youngest of 3), he went back to complete a business management course and then became a food technologist and quality assurance manager.

I guess my point is that I believe you're better off doing what you feel comfortable doing, not what will pay best. If you are eligible for study leave, study by correspondence or something similar, it's more viable; you should check your entitlements in that respect. Even if it's not an option now, that's not to say it will never be an option, or even that it's the right one for you.

From my reading of it, though, it seems you've made your decision. Money is worth much less if you aren't happy, and it can't replace having kids or raising a family. The door might be closed for now, Aldeth, but I think that if it's what you truly want to do, you'll find a way back to it when you can.

 

It sounds like you did not even have enough time for yourself, never mind your family, so your (and your families) quality of life would decline as time goes on. I think you made the right decision and should have no regrets.

Money is not everything, be happy with your wife and children.

 

Wow, lots of responses. I will only go over some of the points raised by many people.

First, yes, in a sense the decision WAS made before I even asked, as I have already dropped all the classes. It was more of an issue of doubting my decision than asking advice on what to do.

My wife is actually happy with this decision. Anything that moves "having babies" closer to the top of the "to do" list is fine by her. There was nothing subtle about this desire, and nothing that could be considered dropping a hint.

As far as what I really want to do in my life, and what is important to me, I must admit that a large amount of my decision was based on the amount of money I could earn. As T2B pointed out, many former scientists go into patent law and make considerably more money even relatively early on than I make now. In fact, the average salary for someone in patent law one year after graduation is almost the amount that my wife and I currently make combined.

Why did I make the decision based on money? Well the truth is that I don't know if there is an occupation out there for me that I feel really passionate about. I don't feel passionate about my current job, and I didn't have the expectation that I'd be passionate about law either. I always assumed that I would eventually become a family man, as it is my wife and family that I am passionate about - not my occupation. Perhaps all of this was trying to become something I was not, or at least was never intended to be.

 

In the immortal words of Peggy Bundy "Get to work Al.

I have to keep Mrs. Snook away from this thread. She loves baby shopping.