Things I Learned From Playing Video Games

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-When something bad in life happens, you can always reload and try again.

-When you die, you are instantly reborn by falling from the sky (stupid stork) and are totally impervious to everything for a short period of time.

-You can kill someone by reciting lots of gobbledygook and pointing at them.

-If you walk around smashing things, you'll get lots of sex appeal.

-Really cool objects are hidden inside other objects.

-Bosses are really tough and rely on people infinitely weaker than them to do "muscle work."

-Really fat guys turn you into a pancake with legs when they sit on you.

-It's perfectly okay to blow up the Sunday driver in front of you with a nuclear missile.

Any others?

 

- All real men carry around swords which are 5ft+ in length, and never need sharpening.

- Innocent girls like to be tentacle raped.

- Americans are killing the planet.

 

- You whine a lot about violence in movies... but you do a lot of violence in videos.

- Bugs can really be tough enemies and some kind of bugs can actually ruin the game.

- A bagpack can actually contain several full plate armor, and dozens of weapons. Why can't JanSport come up with something like that?

[ December 02, 2002, 05:28: Message edited by: nior ]

 

I became an expert marksman, using only a mouse, keyboard, and a copy of America's Army. At least, people tell me being a good shot in videogames makes me good IRL, so I must be among the best shots around; 40/40 on my m16 quals. Fear me.

 

Armaggeddon will and frequently does happen!

No matter how much money I get, I always end up saving the world instead of buying a nice house, car and then relax.

It's nice to steal from merchants and then sell it back to them.

 

Who needs an army? When an entire army of aliens invades, send one guy.

 

Pointing someone with stuff you found in the ground and wishing them to die actually works. (I have been playing too much Dare to Dream)

Skaters can't die.

[ December 20, 2002, 11:29: Message edited by: Taza ]

 

- Moving your hand in certain patterns makes the land go sparkly and gives you the ability to cast miracles.

- When life hands you a baby chicken - teach it fireball.

- When push comes to shove get a very large stick.

- pets don't die, they run away and can be reset, over, and over, and over...

- When a T-Rex, tiger or animated Statue of Shiva attacks you shoot your rifal and jump repeatedly.

- Map editors can be used to make pictures and give your army a *slight* advantage.

- Killing people on rollercoasters doesn't do much for profit in theme parks.

- Battle units facing north shoot further than those facing East or west while facing south has an in-between range.

- Setting people alight kills them - however get a family member to play Scissors, paper, stone with death and you might just have a chance.

- Eating is not an essential life process - neither is the result...

- Whatever the odds you always win

- A thunderstorm can destroy a village in minutes

- If you are blinded you have actually become just very shortsighted.

- If you are disguised no-one cares if you are armed or wearing stuff like helmets and are tattooed

- Things that float without an obvious answer are probably just for show.

- Skulls will always retain their speech and eyes

These come from various games

 

- The end of the world will be brought about by an alien lifeform that crashed 65000000 years ago.
- Time travel is not only possible but necessary.
Chrono Trigger is my inspiration for these two (and if you haven't played Chrono Trigger than you've really missed out!)

 

In some cases you can destroy tanks with a spear.

 

-You can win really tough fights by learning a pattern which the opponant indefinatly follows

-Dead bodies always yield ammo and/or key items.

-The average human being can take about 3 bullets to kill if shot in the body.

-The average human being MAY survive a bullet to the head if they are aware of your presence.

-The further along the path of a trip/journey you are, the better the items you can buy and find. though they are always more expensive.

-Pointing a gun at someone who is not actually ready will result in them blindly grabbing their gun and shooting, even though you could just kill them in a single shot from your surprise attack (unless fact four is in effect)

-Shotguns NEVER (well, maybe on alien vs predator 2) can shoot single hunting rounds, designed for accurace over spray

-Medical kits can actually instantly heal you to near full health.

-Pain killers can make you invincible if you have enough of them, regardless of the quantity of bullets you have dug into you.

-If you are spotted sneaking somewhere you shouldn't be, as a pedestrian, the local authorities will open fire and kill you

-If you manage to escape them, they will eventually completely forget about you in about one minute, and act like nothing happened.

-

 

Your character always does his/her business when you're not looking.

 

Even though you have a mech. infantry, that pesky legionaire on that advanteous mountain will still beat you .

"Not sure about advanteous, is that a correct word taken from advantage?"

 

- That heros can come back, and back, and back again. (AoM)

- That the bigger your sword, the easier it is to kill someone.

- THat pets never die.

- If at first you don't succeed, set the game on easier.

Frosty
(I'll probably come up with even more after school.)

 

- People who own houses stand inside them in the same place all day long. You may enter any civilian house, picking the lock if necessary, and pick through all thier possessions. They won't mind at all. They do nothing but stand there and repeat the same conversation phrases over and over.

- Creatures like Slime puddles, Water elementals, and Skeletons often carry Gold, suits of armor, and weapons. They are inside invisible pockets on the creature, and all of its pockets are emptied when it dies.

- Everyone you meet is either friendly, and completely invincible to your Sword of Slaying +200 and it's Fire, Lightning, and Cold damage, or they are hostile and will attack you on sight, even if they have never seen you before. Which brings up the next point:

- Once one enemy in a group or organization turns hostile on you, every member of the group will recognize and attack you on sight. If you teleport a thousand miles away immediately afterwards, and run into more of the group, this rule will still be in effect.

- Local Smiths in poor villages always have at least a basic allotment of gear for sale, even though only 1 adventurer per year passes through town to buy it.

- Health potions or first aid kits can cure anything, from having a Dragon etch or burn its name onto you with fire/acid, or having an important organ (like the head) gnawed off by a skeleton, or being impaled with an Evil Sword.

- Some people have their names written in glowing letters and floating above their heads. But if they don't have these, you will still automatically know their names before the conversation starts.

- Evil Overlords always place their strongest enemies closest to home, and their fortresses as far as possible away from the smallest village in the land (they are aware of the "humble hero" rule, see below). So wherever you start at is always 1)Furthest away from the source, and 2)Where the weakest enemies are.

- People born with power are always corrupt. The only heroes are always taken away at birth and raised as simple villagers, with cryptic hints to their destiny being dropped from time to time. Every major crisis in history has been started by the power corrupt, and resolved by people with humble beginnings.

- Everyone wears the same size armor. If you have a 7 foot Barbarian Warrior or a 4 foot Dwarf, either will be able to wear any set of armor you come across instantly with no adjusting necessary. Unless you are not strong enough.

- Wisdom, strength, etc, are never gained gradually over the course of an adventure. It comes in bunches after killing a certain amount of enemies. It's easy to tell when this happens because it's accompanied by a ringing sound and an increase in Life Force, and sometimes mana. The adventurer must then decide how to allocate these increases.

- The Secret Council of Evil expressly forbids large concentrations of enemies from not having a secret, poorly guarded rear or side entrance. At least 5 people not connected to the organization must know about the "back door".

- Even one wrong act makes a person irrevocably evil. Unless you are an adventurer. Then the name of the game is robbing people blind, killing them "by mistake", and wandering around in thier houses smashing up the furniture, and letting innocents die while you admire the chain mail the last monster dropped.

[ December 03, 2002, 21:25: Message edited by: Nutrimat ]

 

If the big baddie could crush you when you start out to kill you, he'll send wave after wave of soldiers that are just weak enough for you to destroy.

 

The easiest way to get from one district to the next is the have you party members kill you so that you within 5 seconds reappear magically where you want to be uninjured.

When you die, you don't actually rot away, you return in a Dustman Mortuary with your memories gone and a talking skull named 'Morte' to help you on your way out.

Running around with nothing on but a loin cloth and few skulls hung around your chest like and ammo belt is not only considered acceptable in the higher social circles but also offers great protection from any missile projectiles and blades that you may encounter.

It is possible to talk people out of existence with only your mind and a strong sense of will.

 

-You can go from a simple peasant to a god in only a few days.

-Rats actually can eat common people.

-Whenever someone dies, if you take things off their body, the corpse instantly disappears.

-You are the only person that ever takes treasure off a dead body.

-"Hurry up! Time is of the essence!" means just do the task within the next two dozen years. Absolutely nothing changes.

-The world does, in fact, revolve around you.

 

If you kill a monster or villager in the towns premises, they leave it to rot for months without looting it.