The Star Blades vol. 1 (story)

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The cool night air blew Aluria's long nut brown hair about her face. the lights from the Slums of Riverrun illumintated the darkness. the Wood Elf hated cities, but she hated more the idiots that lived in them. there was a rustling noise behind her and she spun around, drawing Stinger, her short sword, on instinct. her sharp Elven eyes could see fairly well in the dark, but she could see nothing about what had made the noise. Aluria crept along the danks dusty street as silently as the incorporial foot steps of a wraith at hunt. her ears could pick up alomost any sound, but the night was silent... too silent.

A dark shape suddenly flew across her line of vision, a darker shadow that was simpling jumping between other shadows. "Who are you!?" came a dark voice from behind and Aluria spun around to face it.

standing there before her was one of the objects of her deepest hatred, a human. the man was taller, quite a bit taller than Aluria and cloaked all in a pale grey. her sharp eyes cought the shapes of mant small weapons all over him, a short sword and throwing knives concealed under his coak and more daggers in his boots as well as a pair of throwing knives hidden in his sleeves.

"Who I am is none of your business, human." Aluria spat, bringing Stinger up defensivly.

"Oh come now, all i wanted was a little firendly chat."

"I don't "chat" with humans fool, now leave me."

"fine. if you don't want to chat then Ill have to ask you to leave. the Slums belong to the Star Blades Guild now and we don't permit arrogant Wood Elves in our territory."

"I don't take orders from filthy human mercenaries or thieves and certainly not here."

the man never gaver her another worning he simply attacked. Aluira was quick she dropped into a roll and felt the wind pushed by several throwing knives brush her face. when she recovered he was right in front of her, he had a short sword drawn, the blade glowed with a pale light and engraved into its hilt was a picture of a four point star. the man's attack was blinding and Aluria snapped Stinger around as fast as she could just to keep the other blade at bay. she had fought many humans in her life time and none had ever expressed this degree of skill, truly she thought it was beyond the abilities of thier race.

the man continued to press her and even as he blocked a clumsy counter attack on Aluria's part he drew out one of the daggers from his boots and fought two handed. his movements had the grace of any Elf but Aluria was shure he wasn't one, his build slight but still not an Elf's.

Aluria concentrated, she had been through many knife fights and knew how they worked. the attacks would be quick with the objective first to wound with a slash to the arms or legs then stab to death the oppenent.

Stinger worked fast, she was still fighting devensivly blocking firts the short sword then the dagger one after the other. she decided she would have to pull one of her many tricks if she wanted to get out of this alive.

she worked into a quick twirl that sent both her oppenents weapons flying wide, then, using foot work that only and Elf could manage she stopped her spin and kicked hard and low into the mans knee. he gasped and dropped his dagger clutching at his wounded knee. using her same foot she brought it up and kicked the star engraved short sword out of his other hand, sending its faint glow spinning into the night.

Aluria knew she had won, he was wounded and had no time to draw another one of his many concealed weapons. Stinger came down level with his throat. "I told you i don't take orders from a human." she sneered.

the man simply grinned and said, "look behind you Wood Elf, and rethink that."

keeping Stinger at his throat she tunred. standing behind her were three other men and a woman, all human and all similiarily claoked in the pale grey.

one of the men came forward. "stand down Elf, you are far overmarched here. I would normally allow you to leave unhamred, but assult on a guild memeber will not be tolerated here. I'm afraid you will have to be taken in for "questioning"."

Aluria knew she didn't have time to snake her way out of this one with words, but she would be damned if she was going to let a bunch of humans capture her. Stinger moved ever so slightly and cut the artery running down the side of the neck of her defeated oppenent. he gasped, but there was nothing that could be done for the fool now, he was already dead, he just didn't know it yet. she moved swiftly darting into the shadows, a throwing dagger brushed past her and clanged on the wall, she knew the others were coming, fast.

 

Well, this story is a good start....but it needs to be developed more. Also, it's a bit too predictable. Some of the dialogue is apparent, without needing to say it all. Leave some words for the reader to imagine and ponder....i.e., try a bit of understatement, rather than hitting the reader over the top of the head with rhetoric.

But it's a great start....with lots of possibilities, I think.

 

I hope you haven't abandonned this story. I'm waiting to see if Aluria gets away or not. You got me hooked. I must know if this racist wood elf will ever find a reason to doubt her superiority convictions. This is goods. Take care of it, take pride in it, use proper grammer to engage the audience. BUT KEEP WRITING.

I've got a fever, and the only cure, is more Aluria.