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Shakespearean Sonnet help!!

Discussion in 'Whatnots' started by Enagonios, Mar 21, 2005.

  1. Enagonios Gems: 31/31
    Latest gem: Rogue Stone

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    [​IMG] okay, I have to submit a shakesperean sonnet by tomorrow, the problem is.. err.. I can't really tell the difference between long and short vowel sounds and this thing has to be written in iambic pentameter :o

    Here's what I've written, try no to laugh at it too much :p no need to comment on the content (as i'm only being graded for format, I didn't really care whether or not it makes sense :D ) but I need help on the format, because I'm sure there are a number of mistakes :eek:

    Any suggestions/alterations would be VERY welcome (and don't say start over ;) :p )

    Thanks guys

    Destroy | the beast | that here | resides | within
    His cries | so cruel | that I | recoil | in fear
    Tis time | for me | to prove | myself | and win
    Else he | will cause | the fall | of all | that’s dear

    I come | encased | in bright,| shielding | magicks
    Astride | a steed | snorting | in blind | fury
    I steel | my mind | to fight | against | his tricks
    And ride | towards | his cave,| towards duty

    Within,| upon | his throne,| the beast | awaits
    He schemes | of ways | to steal | my soul | and reign
    I pray,| with all| my hope,| and beg | the fates
    “Do not | reclaim | my life | until | he’s slain!”

    Do not | recount | this tale | to mine | mother
    For beast | he be,| the fool | is still | my brother.
     
    Enagonios, Mar 21, 2005
    #1

  2. Rallymama Gems: 31/31
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    The rhyme scheme works well, with the exception of "fury" (fyuh-REE) and "duty" (DOO-tee).

    You'll have to talk to someone else about the meter, though. :roll: On the whole, I like it.
     
    Rallymama, Mar 22, 2005
    #2
  3. Harbourboy

    Harbourboy Take thy form from off my door! Veteran Pillars of Eternity SP Immortalizer (for helping immortalize Sorcerer's Place in the game!)

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    Also: "SHIELding", "SNORting", and "MOTHer" have the accent on the wrong syllable as well. It's actually really tricky to write iambic pentameter properly.

    You've done really well to get as much of it right as you have (only a handful of syllables off-synch out of the whole thing).
     
    Harbourboy, Mar 22, 2005
    #3

  4. Enagonios Gems: 31/31
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    Oh, thanks guys, this is really a big help :)

    HB, are those 3 the only errors in terms of iambs or are there more? :eek:

    in light of these corrections, i've amended the sonnet to:


    Fate’s Dark Sense of Humor

    Destroy the beast that here resides in night
    Its cries so vile that I recoil in fear
    Tis time for me to rise in might and fight
    Else he will bring the fall of all that’s dear

    I cry aloud for bright and light blessings
    Astride a steed alight in fey beauty
    I steel this mind to fight against his rings
    And ride towards his cave, towards duty

    Inside, his throne aglow, the beast await
    It schemes of ways to steal my soul and reign
    I place on high all hope, and scream to fate
    “Do not reclaim this life til he is slain!”

    To not recount this tale, is my desire
    For beast it be, the fool is mine own sire


    hows that? :) wish me luck folks, this is the copy that I'm gonna submit :eek:

    [ March 22, 2005, 16:03: Message edited by: Enagonios ]
     
    Enagonios, Mar 22, 2005
    #4
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