Rules of Men

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Rules of Men

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying anyway.)

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.

 

LMAO!! Someone is mad at women. I'm female, but I actually support most of you rules (except the one for long hair, some women are just prettier with short hair)

[ August 02, 2002, 13:44: Message edited by: Uytuun ]

 

LMAO!!!



Great stuff, and so true...

 

I love it.

I'm afraid to show this list to my wife ....

but I love it!

 

Math:

Ditto.

 

Hehehe... I have to agree with most of them. Except the toilet one. We leave the toilet down, *you* put it up.

 

Except for the foreign film one, which is just stupid. Right, Billy-Bob?

 

**Sniffle** I think I actually miss all those little battles...THE HORROR.

Ahh...Now that I'm done with all my little distractions, I'll have to go out and meet a nice girl that can drive me crazy...

 

Your list has been spread to all of my darling girlfriends. Even the future ones.

Hmmm, perhaps they are not future ones any more...

 

agree with most of them. except rule number '1'.

 

Hilarious. Absol-freaking-completely-lutely hilarious.

But I'm surprised the question "Do I look fat in this?" wasn't there.

[Edit:] Okay. . . it sorta was.

[ August 02, 2002, 18:02: Message edited by: C'Jakob ]

 

ROTFLMAO !!

very, very nice.. and true

[ August 02, 2002, 18:25: Message edited by: Sirdan ]

 

LMAO!!! So funny and so true!!

Oh, and Uytuun... while some women do indeed look prettier with short hair, I think the impetus for the length is so that they can get a good handhold as they drag us around looking for sticks to build a fire out back...that is, if that skill's been acquired yet!

 

Yes! Bwahahahahahahahaaaa!! That's what I like to see...

 

After all those 'Women's rules' lists this is a refreshing change. If you didn't find this amusing you're clearly not a guy. Nice work!

 

LOL. That is funny and absolutely true.

 

Muahahah!
It is SOOOOOO true!
It sounds like you are describing my mother!
LOL
I think that I agree in everything. At least I agree in everything I remember!
I have to show my dad this topic, he will laugh his ass off!
/me dances away

EDIT: No, I am not a male. But if you read this collection of rules you might consider me as halfman/halfwoman.

 

This shit is funny.

 

LMAO!!!

So true, So true!!

 

Some are funny. But I don't know if I'm a reject or what, but I disagree with a vast majority of them...