On the downward slope?

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Hi everyone. I know there's a few "age" topics floating around, but bear with me here.

Today's my birthday and I'm turning 27. Still young, I know, but I can't help feeling that it's a huge milestone. The beginning of the end?

Being almost 30 is kind of depressing. It's the time when you stop trying new things out and you start to settle down. I see my friends buying houses, having babies, focusing on their careers... I know I don't necessarily need to do the same, but at the same time, will I become out of touch with my friends if I don't?

My girfriend and I talk about this from time to time, and we both feel like we still have experiences to make before settling down. And as strong is my desire to have a kid and a place of my own, equally strong is the feeling that I'm slowly but surely turning into my parents.

I guess I'm at the proverbial crossroads, and it's scary as hell. There's no real point I wanted to make, just looking for some outside opinions on the matter. Thanks for reading and sorry about the broodiness!

 

Birthdays are the tolling of
A bell that marks the coming of
A time of festive joy and love,
A time to treasure life and love.
So let us celebrate with you
The circumstance that makes you, you:
The moment when you came to be,
And what you now have come to be

Happy Birthday! May the stars be your guide and the earth be your path.

 

I just turned 30. My advice to you is that there is a big difference between aging and getting old. There is also a big difference between getting married, and settling down. I got married a little over a year ago (at the age of 29). My wife and I at the time surely agreed that there was still a lot we wanted to experience, but we made the decision to experience those things together. Quite honestly, in the year since I've been married, I have never felt "tied down" or unable to do what I wanted.

Kids are another matter entirely. Kids DO tie you down and there's no way around that. There are four other couples that my wife and I are friends with. Two of those couples have children, and two of them don't. I will freely admit that we see the couples who do not have children for more frequently that the ones that do.

Experience tells me that it's the couples that have children that grow out of touch with their friends, not the other way around. They are the ones that have new obligations - not you. If you fall out of touch with friends, it's not because they had kids and you didn't. It's because they had kids and don't have time to spend with their friends anymore, irrespective of whether or not you have children. That's why my wife and I also decided to wait a while before we have children of our own. We'll probably be approaching our mid-30s before we have children.

So the only advice I can give you is this: If there are still things you want to accomplish, places to go, things to see, etc., getting married shouldn't impact that all that much, as long as your girlfriend has a similar mindset as your own. However, if you plan on having kids, you may have to put those other plans on hold for a while.

 

Happy Birthday! Remember, any reason for a party is a good reason

As I'm not nearly as poetical as DHB, I'll stick with the traditional speech
Given my age, I can hardly give first-hand advice, and I'll also refrain from the entire be yourself bla, you've heard it before, and you'll hear it again.
Basic thing is, jobs will only get better as you get older (within reason, and barring pro sports) and the harder it will be to party and have fun - you're nearly thirty now, so if you become a father now, you're basically 'stuck' with it until you've become old.
My advice is life a little, and a lot, as long as you can - my parents didn't get their oldest (that is, me) child until their early thirties, and they kept having more of 'em from them - totalling to five children in ten years...
My point is, you'll most likely be hooked once you have them, and there *really* won't be much time for partying, and age really isn't anywhere near prohibitive for having kids yet - maybe in another year or eight, you ought to really decide (assuming, your girlfriend is your age or younger)
Hmmm... looks like I ought to become a damn novelist.
Thank you all for paying attention - especially if you made it all the way through, and I hope my advice can be of some use to you.

 

I disagree with Aldeth about kids tying you down and stopping you from seeing your friends. Since having our kid we see more of our friends than we ever did before. Everyone seems to want to come around and play with the baby. And because the wife is stuck at home so much during the week, she makes more of an effort than usual for us to get out and visit friends (or have them over) than before. Having a kid rocks! It's the best thing in the world, much better than staying out all night partying or whatever else it is that people mean when they say they want to 'live a bit' before having them.

 

There's another difference with kids too - you don't necessarily LOSE friends after becoming parents, you simply have NEW friends. Our closest friends are our son's best friend's parents.

And guess what? THEY'RE GAMERS!!!!!!

 

Good point Rally! We definitely have MORE friends now. Which is can actually be a bit of a pain, ironically, because sometimes you just want to sit around on the weekend and not have to bother seeing people all the time. Oh well, you just can't win.

 

I think it all depends on your state of mind.

My next door neighbor is a 50 year old cancer-surviving mother of two with Asthma, who just got back from climbing Mt. Kilamenjaro. She's a dynamite mother who has a very active family and social life, despite what may be holding her back. My best friend's little brother is 19, barely leaves the house, smokes, drinks, doesn't socialize, doesn't work (Mom and Dad give him money), and is always bitching about something. Whom do you think enjoys life more?

You're only limited by your state of mind. It will define your outlook on your life. If you're 27 years old and feel like your "fun" life is over, then you're right. If you're 67 years old and feel like your best years are still ahead of you, then you're right.

I say instead of focusing on all the things you haven't done yet that you'd like to (a funk that I myself have been in lately, coincidentally), focus instead on accomplishing the things you'd like to do and stop putting them off. Finances are always a barrier, and other responsibilities as well...but if you make adventure a priority and get a little creative, you'll find a way to pull it off smiling.

State. Of. Mind.

 

Death Rabbit, that is some good advice. I will put it into practice today! I agree that it is possible for anyone to be happy so long as they are looking at life in the right way.

 

happy birthday. have a drink, throw a party, go wild. you're only 27 once so there's no sense wasting it by thinking about how close to 30 you are im 19, and im turning 20 in november, its my last "teen" year so im going to milk it for all it's got

 

Of course, Harbourboy is correct that it is possible to maintain friends after you have kids. I was just speaking from personal experience. I have noticed that my friends who have children hardly ever want to get together, even if it is us coming to them. On the other hand, it may not have anything to do with them having kids - they may simply choose not to put forth the effort.

 

You live only about 70 years, so you can soon consider your life half liven, or that your left leg is already in the grave.

Happy birthday, and let us hope that the next present will be a longevity vaccine.