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My NaNo prologue--just to get some opinions...

Discussion in 'Creativity Surge' started by el timtor, Nov 6, 2004.

  1. el timtor Gems: 13/31
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    It was the best duel I ever fought. My opponent and I were equally matched in speed and skill. For every attack I made, she had a counter. I had a parry and riposte for every one of her advances as well. Blade met blade in showers of hot blue-white sparks. Were there anyone watching, it would appear that each of us wove a silver net of steel about the other.
    We came together, crossing rapiers, faces inches apart, intense gazes mirrors of each other. Her eyes were pale green, with a ring of gold around the pupils. I tipped my head forward and kissed the tip of her pert little nose.
    She snarled in exasperation and pushed away from me, eyes flashing angrily. The push left me off-balance, and her left leg swept out in a circle, kicking my feet out from under me. All my breath whuffed out of me when I hit the floor, and my rapier went clattering out of my hand.
    I blinked away stars and saw her standing over me, the point of her blade over my heart. She was smiling a little half-smile, her I win smile.
    “Give us a hand up, will you, love?” I asked, holding my left hand up.
    Her eyes narrowed, the smile disappeared, and she spun about, throwing her blade to the floor. “Great Maker, Cyrus! Can’t you ever take anything seriously?” she snapped.
    I rolled to my feet, walked up behind her, and gently embraced her. Her voice had been angry, but there were tears, as well. “I take you seriously, Rienne. I take us seriously.”
    “Then why must you leave the Academy? Why must you leave me?” she sobbed, her falling tears spotting the sleeve of my fencing jacket.
    I turned her around, and the sight of her tear-streaked face was a cold knife in my heart. “Because it has been decreed, Rienne. Exile, or death, for the crimes of my grandfather.”
    “But you were not involved, Cyrus. You were here at the Academy. And you’re Shadow Guard. The Academy, and thus the Guard, are outside the politics of the realm!” Her voice rose steadily as she spoke.
    “But I am still the grandson of a man who committed treason,” I countered, and at this she turned her head aside. “House Bell no longer exists. The men of the first and second generations of my House have been executed, and my grandmother, my mother, and my aunts have taken their own lives instead of being forced upon other Houses. As the eldest of the next generation, I am, or would have been, the next High Seat of my House.
    “Our beloved King Roland, long may he reign, believes that the blame lies mostly with my grandsire and my father. Thus he has, in all his benevolence, decreed that I may accept exile as my punishment, instead of execution. My cousins will be adopted into the minor Houses, since none of them are older than six summers.
    “Oh, yes, it also doesn’t help that I am a sorcerer, given His Majesty’s distrust of anyone who works the Art—Shadow Guard or no.”
    “So what then of me? What of Rienne Tremaine? I’m your battle partner. What about the last two years we’ve been together…”
    Then, her head whipped around to face me, eyes shining with tears but with elation as well. “I’ll go with you! Yes, that’s it! I’ll resign from the Shadow Guard and go into exile with you!”
    “No,” I said, and she recoiled, as if I’d slapped her. “I don’t want you to do that. Rienne, you’re one of the best of us. This is what you’ve always wanted, what you’ve worked so hard for, where your future is. It would be unfair to you, and cruel of me to expect you to give this all up for my sake.
    “And I believe that in time you would resent me for allowing you to give up your career, and I would know that I was the cause of your resentment. This would surely drive us apart, probably in harsher circumstances than now.
    “You are happy here, have a place here. I, however, do not. Not in the Shadow Guard, not at the Academy, not anywhere in Imarr. That is why I must leave. Alone. Though it breaks my heart and yours.”
    With a despairing cry, Rienne broke free from my arms, turned, and ran out of the practice room.
    I wanted to run after her, but I did not. She was hurt, confused, and still running on adrenaline from our duel. She needed some time to come to grips with what was happening, and I did as well.
    I spoke briefly with my two favorite teachers: Master Cho, who had taught me all I knew of the Art, and Master Katsuhito, the Academy’s swordmaster. Then I went to my quarters to pack. Rienne had not answered her door.
    Around nine o’clock there was a knock at my door. I opened it, and there she was. Rienne’s eyes were still red, but she was smiling. I smiled back, and noted that she was wearing her uniform.
    I understood. This was Rienne’s non-verbal way of saying “you’re right,” that the Shadow Guard was the most important thing in her life, was her life. She always did have a hard time admitting she was wrong. “Hello, Rienne,” I said.
    “Heya…”
    I took her in my arms and kissed her. We stayed together all night and into the morning. We even found time to finish my packing.
    Dawn came, gray and overcast. Leaden clouds and a stiff wind heralded a gloomy day. I thought it mirrored my mood perfectly. We stood just inside the Academy’s main gate: the Headmaster, Rienne, and I.
    The Headmaster, whom all the students referred to as Grandfather (since none knew his real name), looked like any wizard one might see pictured in a children’s book--long hair, gray beard, robe with moons and stars, and all. He stood, untouched by wind or cold, the picture of serenity. Rienne was wearing her uniform, of course, with a greatcoat for the weather.
    Grandfather clasped my hand firmly. “Good journey, Cyrus Bell. It will not be the same without you in the ranks. May fortune find you back with us some day.”
    “Farewell, Grandfather. My time here at the Academy has been…precious…” I tried to say more, but the words stuck in my throat.
    “There will always be a place for you among us, Cyrus,” he said with a nod, then stepped back several paces.
    I turned to my battle-partner, the only one I ever loved. She wore a smile, but the pain in her eyes was evident.
    “Dearest Rienne. My time here with you has been the most precious of all…”
    I was unable to say more as she suddenly threw her arms around me, kissed me passionately, then buried her face in the crook of my neck as she crushed herself against me. I held her just as tightly, and though it must have been some minutes that we held each other, it seemed only an instant. As I reached up to separate her arms, she stiffened, and I heard a muffled, plaintive “no…please…” against my neck.
    We parted, and I looked at her face, her pert nose, those green eyes, and committed it all to memory. My voice was thick with emotion.
    “Think fondly of me once in a while, dearest Rienne, and know that I shall always think fondly of you.”
    Her voice was steady, with no hint of tears. “I love you, Cyrus Bell. Always and forever”
    “And I love you, Rienne Tremaine, with all my heart and soul.”
    I stepped back and saluted them, right arm across my chest, clenched fist at my left shoulder.
    Grandfather held up a hand in farewell.
    Rienne saluted, sharp, precise, as everything about Rienne was, except where our relationship was involved. A single tear slid down her left cheek.
    I turned about, shouldered my kit bag, and walked through the Academy’s gates one final time. I tried to convince myself that it was the wind that was causing my eyes to fill with tears.

    * * *

    That was five years ago…and now I was coming back…
     
  2. Dalveen

    Dalveen Rimmer gone Bald Veteran

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    Its actually very good. You should post more stuff you write here, i would enjoy reading it.
     
  3. Arabwel

    Arabwel Screaming towards Apotheosis Veteran

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    This is good; the only gripe I have is that I had a bit trouble separating the paragraphs, so I would suggest using double-spacing... but that's just me :)
     
  4. The Kilted Crusader

    The Kilted Crusader The Famous Last words "Hey guys, watch THIS!" Veteran

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    Very good!

    Will you be posting more once NaNo is done?
     
  5. el timtor Gems: 13/31
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    @ Crusader

    I'm sure I will. Even though I'm kinda blocked right now, NaNo has inspired me to jot down some of the ideas that have been churning around in my head for a while...
     
  6. The Kilted Crusader

    The Kilted Crusader The Famous Last words "Hey guys, watch THIS!" Veteran

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    Good on you! It's always great for more stories to be added to CS, it goes long spells with none added unfortuneatly :(
     
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