My autumn girl (poetry)

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The rhyme scheme is a bit unusual - the verses are 10-18-10-18-11-10, and the choruses are 5-5-7-5-5-9 (with some 5s reduced to 4s). It sounds better on the piano, trust me.


And on this finely crafted winter day
electric Christmas fireflies light snow-enshrouded houses by the road.
Emboldened by an egg-nogged energy,
the lovely and the lonely lurk by doorways, looking to be mistletoed.
For winter is a season meant for longing -
when warm desire comes served à la mode.

But my autumn girl
shows a cool restraint
behind eyes that flash and freeze.
She can burn a look
to make strangers faint,
but her kind discretion sets at ease.

And on this finely crafted springtime day
the flowers choke the city streets in perfumed rainbows fresh from falling rains.
An arc of lovers floods by, two by two,
awash in colored sentiment and warm and fuzzy musical refrains.
For springtime is a season meant for passion -
which temporary promises sustain.

But my autumn girl
has a lovely voice,
and her words speak truth like ice.
She can sing to mourn
or make stones rejoice,
as an angel echoes paradise.

And on this finely crafted summer day
the worshippers of sunlight tithe uncovered skin to taste their sacraments.
The beaches seem an endless sea of bronze
that's interrupted only by the swimsuits serving as the evidence
that summer is a season meant for beauty -
an underclothed and overtanned expanse.

But my autumn girl
has a subtle style
with her sweatered modesty.
She can hide the sun,
but not her smile,
with a concentrated clarity.

And on this finely crafted autumn day
the breeze brings back a dozen dreams that duel with me among the dying leaves.
Forfeited winter cares and spring affairs
and summer lusts all turn to dust and ashes in my chances misperceived.
For autumn is a season meant for memory -
when all we hope to hold onto recedes.

But my autumn girl
is here to stay -
I can firmly trust her word.
What our life has forged,
death may yet betray,
but 'til then, together, stands our world.

But my autumn girl
is my dearest friend,
and her love reshapes my whole.
Though the seasons change
and our autumns end,
still she stands a living autumn soul.

 

Well, I have to admit, I just couldn't get into this one - I couldn't get comfortable with a tempo. Maybe if you could tell us what time signature you use when you play it on the piano, and how the poem fits into it, I might have a better time with it.

 

It's the sign of a truly great poem when even the most supportive critics can't figure it out. Yeah!

It's 4/4 time, and each verse is twelve quick measures. Choruses are eight measures.

Try saying a line like this, in one breath, with the first three syllables under your breath. It should take precisely six seconds - the entire song whips by in just under two-and-a-half minutes:

and on this FINEly CRAFted WINter DAY [slight pause] eLECtric CHRISTmas FIREflies light SNOW-enshrouded HOUses by the ROAD.

Y'know, actually, I don't think that clarifies things at all. Never mind. I guess this poem will remain obscure.

 

Nope, it helped! Now that I have the tempo, I was able to concentrate on the words which, as usual, you do a gtret job with. Nice work.