Love life and a $2000 course

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Looking for some news to post on SP, I came across an article entitled, "Can studying turn geeks into Casanovas?" Skeptical as I am, I was still marginally curious, so I decided to skim through it and see what it was about. To some extent, everything can be studied, after all.

So, I gave it a look and read about a convention of "pickup artists" in Montreal, a $2000 course by veteran bar flies teaching the "losers" and so on and so forth. The example mentioned in the article was a successful software engineer whose looks were quite attractive and who had women come up to him, but they would lose interest so soon as he opened his mouth to speak.

At this point, I'll serve you a quote (the original is here at ABC News):

Now here's my concern. Come-ons depend on personality for success, of the "hunter" and of the "prey". I suppose extroverts have it easier and they are more likely to cast a spark that will light it. Charisma is probably important and leadership skills might be. All those things can be "unleashed" -- discovered, honed, to some extent maybe actually even learnt. Attitude adjustment may probably have an effect by inspiring confidence, increasing extroversion and even making the person more interesting. After all, it's not so much about innate abilities, as it is about attitude and the way you perceive other people, yourself, and let other people perceive you.

But here's the catch: "professional" come-ons and love life (as it was termed in the last paragraph of the article)? Mastery of first contact and attracting attention helps meeting new people. It surely can get more dates for those who are into dating. But what next? Are you going to keep charming and casting further layers of illusion or are you going to surprise your partner with a sudden revelation of your true self?

Autopresentation is, of course, important in practically everything, from getting a job to getting a date. But how much does the trivial "getting a date" have to do with love life? What are they going to teach the software engineer? To stop talking about his passion and his work and start paying attention to celebrity gossip or whatever else he isn't interested in and is going to pain him? Otherwise, perhaps he would find a woman that shares his passion, has respect and genuine appreciation for his work and enjoys him being what he is: a geek. And a successful one.

Learning pick-ups, clothing styles, cool accents and all such will only achieve one thing: it will make people uncomfortable with what they really are and will teach them always to play a game. It will also focus their minds on finding a mate and make them need always to be in a relationship. What do you achieve if people fall for you cunning pick-ups, cool accent and trendy clothes if that's not the real you? Congrats, you have managed to create a face people fall for. Is it going to make anyone happy or will it only multiply the already seemingly omnipresent unhappiness?

I've had my time with my psychology hobby, especially in the area of communication. I have some knowledge of human nature (there's no better teacher in the world than bitter experience) and I have a thing for clothes. Not to mention linguistics, my old flame. If you gave me half an hour to run through your wardrobe, I could probably get you an outfit to outclass anyone else at the party, to couple with some matching hairdo and could probably throw in a couple of lines off the top of my head that will work and inspire some major amazement. But what will that give you? Even if it works in the short run, you will come back to me when you need a lawyer to get you a divorce on the grounds of incompatibility.

This makes me think of the teachers themselves. Who are they? Masters in the art of pick-up who are single and vying for a real relationship? Or maybe people who are happily married and go to bars to pick-up people "harmlessly" for some diversion and to keep the skill sharp? What are they going to teach people? Can $2000 buy you happiness?

As for the last question, perhaps it might. By giving you the necessary spark of confidence, as a drop that fills the cup. Perhaps even the course itself could open your eyes to the fact that other people also have certain needs and preferences, most of all, that it pays to listen and perhaps plant a seed of basic human compassion and sensitivity to others. But the pick-up art? It's like a kissing or a sex technique course: it will give you something that may come of use but it will get you nowhere on its own and the price for this little advantage may be more than you can handle. As always, I will now ask your opinion and thoughts.

 

Sad, how they describe them as "the losers and the winners." Now I wonder, who's the REAL loser? the one who fakes their personality in order to simply gain the physical attraction of the other gender? Or the one who stays true to his person and -- although possibly unable to obtain any attraction from males/females -- is happy? Sure the "geek" might be incapable to catch the eye of some females he might fall for, but so what? if that person does not like who you REALLY are, then why do you wish to attract their attention in the first place? I say the true winner is the "geek," for he is the one who manages to show his true self and find the perfect partner to spend the rest of his life with. I pity those who cannot be happy with who they are.

People who go to night clubs and such in order to find someone to have a 'one night stand' with are the only ones who would need such 'skills' IMO. Personally, I'd hate to go to a night club and show a fake version of myself in order to get a female attracted to me for sexual intercourse. I truly cannot comprehend how a 'fake' person can be happy with themselves.

Sure you can have your fun in your youth, risk your health in order to have your fun, but it all has to come to an end. Eventually you grow too old, eventually you will have to find a partner to spend the rest of your life with, someone who loves you. But if you've spent most of your social life giving little catch phrases and putting on fancy clothes while revealing lies of yourself, how are you going to be comfortable with your real self enough in order to reveal to your true love whom you really are? If you don't, if you decide to lie, then you might as well start the paperwork with your divorce lawyer the same day you marry.

I'd rather stay an unattractive intelligent geek, then someone who spends their time perfecting lies and catch phrases.

But hey, if you are really so desperate to improve your 'love life' then go ahead and take that pathetic 2k course. A waste of money, and a waste of your time and skills. I pity that software engineer and those 'teachers'.

 

Well in theory something like that can help people acheive their full potential (eg the guy is too shy to show what he really is, and needs advice on how to present himself, without falling flat on his face), but this thing seems like the complete opposite, and even ventures into exploitation.

Some places that I have visited, females would be interested in my nationality, but not not necessarily my personality. This is fine for most males, just not me.

 

I was most interested by the title of his book: "The Game".

A quick diversion now into a little bit of American vernacular. When it comes to picking up women, there are two tools you have at your disposal: Game and Mojo. Both work in conjuction, but both are completely opposite in their source. The reason why his book title is so appropriate is because "Game" can be taught (and learned). This guy is showing you how to improve your Game, which is possible to do with practice.

Mojo on the other hand, is a completely different animal. You can't teach Mojo - it's something innate. It's hard to even describe, but it goes beyond charisma or personal magnetism, it's just something about you, usually just the way you carry yourself, that you either have or you don't. My one friend is extremely introverted, and never goes to a bar with the intent of picking up women, but the guy has Mojo, and as such, he has women coming up to HIM to meet him. The point is, you either have it or you don't.

So I really think the purpose of this course that they offer is to help the people who have little in either the Game or the Mojo department. They can't help your Mojo, but by improving your Game, they give you best shot with what you have to work with. People with good Game or good Mojo will be able to pick up women. The poor saps are the ones who are low in both departments. And there are only a lucky few that have great Game and great Mojo.