How do I ask?

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I know this may be hard to believe, but I am a mispoken and reserved kinda guy. At least, I am when it comes to speaking with members of the opposite sex on a different level then friendship.

So here is the deal. I AM LONELY! I need human companionship. Female companionship. I haven't dated outside of high school, and now that I am in the outside world, with so many females, I want to meet them.

But as I said, I never know what to say. I laugh at bad times, say things that just are not charming, and the only intro lines I have are written on the walls in bathrooms.

So, here is an SOS to all those who know how to talk to (and preferably 'woo') women.

 

Oh boy - you don't know the can of worms you have probably opened. These boards are crawling with self-confessed romeos and ladykillers. Probably most of their conquests exist purely in their imagination so don't feel like you are the only one. You're just one who is man enough to admit it.

I'm no expert, but my simple advice is this:

Women are just people too, like you. Subject to the same insecurities and uncertainties as you. They probably just want to hear the same things that you do.

Good luck.

 

Just relax. Be confident but don't overdo it. There's never any harm in saying hello and introducing yourself. Keep it simple. Smile and be polite. But above all, relax!

If all else fails, there is always alcohol.

 

Jaguar, start simple. Skip the bar scene - no one really talks in those places, anyway.

What do you really like to do? What activities are you so interested in that you get talking and can't shut up? When you figure that out, go find a group that does that activity and join it. You'll immediately find a group of people who have at least one thing in common, AND have managed to turn it into a social gathering.

Good luck.

 

The biggest thing I've found in women (including myself, yes) is that they're extremely interested in someone that they can relate to. Your best bet is to find someone who has something that they're interested in that you also happen to love. If you're talking long term, then you always have something that you can talk about that you both love, and you have a tailor-made opening line. "You like this-and-that? *I* love this-and-that too!"
Like Rally said, stay away from bars... the number of women in there that are actually hoping to find someone to sweep them off their feet for more than a couple of nights is sadly smaller than you'd think.
And *don't* *ever* bring up the topic of sex anytime in the first three or four days, longer preferably. (though you probably wouldn't be so inclined, if you're terribly shy.) It just makes guys sound creepy when they 'bring' it up, and is always a big warning bell in *my* head that this is someone I wouldn't be comfortable around.

 

Dude, just relax, be friendly, and most importantly, be yourself - don't throw up a false front just to meet girls, most of them can read it like a book.

 

@Jaguar...

Are you sure you don't just want to get a cat?

 

And no corny pick up lines either.

 

Walk up and say "Hi...I'm not Falstaff." Chicks will be all over you.

Seriously - here's the best piece of advice I can give. In my experience, if you're actively looking for a girlfriend, it's almost an iron-clad guarantee that you will not find one. Sounds stupid, but it's true.

Everytime I've ever decided to give up or stop looking, either out of frustration or a bad experience, I would almost immediately find someone and start a new relationship. If you're looking for a mate, it's almost like girls can smell it, and won't be interested. When you don't look like you're looking, you'll have better luck. But if you are actively looking, it comes off as desparation...and desparation is the anti-aphrodesiac. It's like a big red flag that women read as, "If he's trying that hard, then no one else wants him. There must be something wrong with him, and I'm not interested."

The best way to meet a datable girl is to get involved in something. Clubs at school (if you're still in college), local hangouts, any situation where you're likely to meet new people often. In this situation, you won't need a pick-up line, because a conversation will most likely pop up just from being there. Don't try to "be" anything, just relax and have a nice conversation. Interest will come from that.

Don't use pick-up lines, ever. It sends a clear message to the girl that "I'm not socially capable enough to interest you in me through normal means, so I have to resort to an aggressive advance and hope your standards are low enough to buy it." In my opinion, any girl you could get with a pick-up line isn't worth getting. That said, pick-up lines that are obviously meant to be funny and nothing more (such as "excuse me, you're standing on my penis") are a highly risky, yet highly effective way to break the ice. Never underestimate the power of making a woman laugh.

Also - never underestimate the power of genuenly wanting to be friends with a girl and seeing where it goes from there. Even if at first she only wants to be friends, that doesn't mean she wont change her mind. Or vice versa. Friends grow on you in that way. In fact, most opposite-sex friendships started out because one or both parties were attracted to the other one.

These are what's worked for me, after years of failing miserably 90% of the time and finally getting it right. Good luck, buddy.

 

Charming women cannot be taught, it´s a gift you´re born with.
You either have it or you dont
No, just kidding mate.

I dont have problem getting women, but I feel the same way that you do anyway.
I dont know what to say until I´m actually talking to them.
And to be honest, I´m more often than not in a bar when I meet women so I suppose the fact that we´re both drunk helps alot...
Just saying hi and start making smalltalk, like the things you talk about with your friends or co-workers will probably lead to other things.

The two most important things IMHO.
1; Confidence, you have got to beleive in yourself. If YOU dont, then she sure as heck wont either.
2; Relax, she will notice at once if you´re nervous. Some might find this attracting, I´m not sure. But I think that it´s pretty much saying that you dont have any confidence in yourself and you know what I said about that.

 

Confidence and personality.

With those two characteristics your set.

I keep on meeting girls at the bank, so try that.

 

Just to go against the current: Why get a girlfriend?. Shure, I'm just 17 and have yet to meet the girl that I would like to spend some time with, but why not a dog, for example?.

For those who haven't seen it (not likely to be many since that math-thread), girls are evil ...

But, if you still want to go after a female, remember:

Or just be yourself... Good luck!

 

What a girl wants, eh?

I'd say, believe in yourself. You know you're a great and interesting person worthy of any woman (I don't know you, but since you're on SP and we all know we SPians tend to be of superior quality, I can safely suppose the above is true ) so act that way.

Go out, get yourself involved in some social activities and radiate that superiority of yours.

I've got to say though, that I agree with what DR said. Looking actively may not be the best way to get the girl of your dreams. Maybe you should wait till you fall in love. It happens at times you least expect it.

 

Like most people have said already the best thing is to just be yourself.Just keep in mind that if a woman does not like it try not to take it to heart.It does not mean anything is wrong with you.People are attracted to each other for some strange reasons some times and you have to be prepared for a certain amount of rejection.

So just be yourself and talk to anyone you seem interested in.Dont be afraid to be turned down.Just keep trying.Rejection is part of the game.Good luck.

 

Not infringing on what everyone's said above (and those are many pieces of sound advice), here are some suggestions from me:

1. Above all, be yourself. Reasons: laziness. Benefit: they will for you, not for a pose.

2. Being yourself also means not bending your principles for the purpose of getting a girl or feeding her ego. I have done that a few times, I regret all. It's your principles what makes you you. The you they fall for

3. Don't let the *****es grind you down. Impolite treatment is what you will inevitably get, but it speaks about the girl, not about you. The good girls are kind and respectful even when turning you down. In fact, they don't even turn you down they just tell you why they won't be with you. There's some difference.

4. There's no way you will get all girls. There's even no way you will get only those you like. Or even those that like you. Sometimes it just doesn't click. They might love you like an own brother but still not want a romantic relationship with you. Or they may love their current boyfriends. Whatever. It's not something you should see as a personal defeat. Don't follow my example when I do I mean, you will inevitably follow, but you shouldn't. You catch my drift, don't you?

5. But it's perfectly possible to be attractive to most of them and make most of them like you. After all, you do have to have some basis for you social uberness. Just allow them to know the real you and care for the reception you get. Get feedback. Ask them. They like it, sometimes. Friends of female gender will always help you get a girl. A good thing is to listen to whatever they have to say and ask them for more.

6. Think, think, and think. And I mean think with you brain By think, care and observe I don't mean you shouldn't be spontaneous. You should. They like that, for whatever reason. Just be yourself. Even if it means not being spontaneous Look - for example, I'm very natural in not being natural. I'm just being myself If I can, you can too.

7. Learn.

8. Do. Just do it.

And you can always tell them "I know chevalier"

 

Well, I was never much good at the dating scene, so I can't really offer any advice aside from wha's already been said, especially this:

That'll get you the sympathy date.

 

Strangely enough, I was in the same situation in school and could never get a girl to even LOOK at me twice, and then after school when I got a little more confident, I only managed to get a date or two. BUT when I stopped actively looking - as DR suggested - they flocked to me. Well, not exactly 'flocked', more like 'approached with caution'. A little less caution than running screaming in the opposite direction though which was a bit more heartening.

 

One says: "SOS! SOS! SEX!"
The other answers: "YES! YES! YES!"



Don't think that women would answer like that, though -they aren't "people"

 

Hmmm, I'm not sure that treating women as if they are not people will get him very far . . . . . more likely to get a slap in the face at best.

 

The only thing you need to work on is your confidence. Get confident, don’t talk rubbish, look good, wear good clothes etc. Forget anything else other then working on your confidence, go out, and put yourself in them positions that you wouldn’t feel comfortable in and do this as much as you can to build up your confidence.

I think someone mentioned alcohol as a method here, forget that, don’t drink alcohol for false confidence, seriously do not.

If a girl is interested she will show interest.