Forbidden Life

Remove all ads!

a new story I've started. First time I've tried to write something like this. I'd like opinions on it, here is the first installment:

Amara and sat up, her mind swam with thoughts and information she didn't recognise. she looked around her trying to get her bearings but the room was dark with only a few dim lights in a cieling high above her. she rubbed her eyes but stopped with her hand near her face, she sat staring in shock. Her arm was metal, metal bones formed her left arm with huge, ugly bolts and wires encased in transparent plastic. What had happened to her so that she had ended up with this monstrosity? She looked down and discovered that from her shoulders to her waist there were metal bands forming what could only be described as an armour or a shell. From what she could see the rest of her was normal, as she was before. But before what? She couldn't remember what she had been doing before waking up in this room, where she was or who she was with. She only remembered her name and muffled voices. She rubbed her eyes with her normal hand. She yelped slightly disturbing the silence as she felt half her face was cold and smooth. She turned round and realised she had been lying on a table, one of many in a row, each with a person in the same situation. She saw the door at the opposite end of the room and walked towards it, feeling as though she she was made of lead. She reached the door and sighed, it was mirrored glass and she saw her face, slightly scarred and half metal, but worst of all she could remember herself without the metal and wires, she could imagine it. but wasn't sure if it was real.

 

Sounds good. I bet C'Jakob will tell you right away to structure your text better (break it up in pieces). I'd like to see more.

 

Yeah. I was going to say that.

But seriously, I'd love to see more. Great to see a hiatus from the usual tales of elves and knights and swords.

 

See? Am I wise or not?

 

Amara went to push open the door but hesitated, dreading what she would find. She looked back at the others lying on the tables, silent and lifeless. She opened the door.

She sighed with relief though squinted as the dark room led into an empty, brightly lit corridor with white walls and flooring, she walked along passing rooms with Numbers and letters written on the doors and keypads to type in the number codes and passwords to gain access. It was a silent place, not even the air dared to move. She walked further along.

"I have called this meeting for a rather disturbing reason." A man stood at the end of the table leaning over to address the people sitting along it, at the other end there was nobody - allowing it so they could all see out the window. The man talked on.
"Earlier I witnessed through that window one of the Androids awaken and leave through the door." There was a murmer amongst the assembled people
"Do you all understand what it would be capable of? With the power and strength of the robotics we have put into them it prove a threat - seeming as it's mind has obviously not been dealt with. I believe this batch was overseen by Peter..." On of the assembled people sank in their chairs, the person oppopsite spoke
"Surely though, this lot are only half done, they are still under construction, it won't get far, probably collapse and be recapture to complete it's transformation and join the workforces." Another spoke out
"But if the mind is still active now it must have some ability to control itself over our commands - it might spark rebellion."
"A rebellion? Amongst machines? Tools? They are nothing more than programs, why, more than half of them we did ourselves, We work in the section that deals with this sort anyway." The man nodded at them all
"Yes, but it must be caught and properly dealt with, Peter, it is your duty, see to it personally, thank you for attending, gentlmen, I am sure you all have business to attend to."

 

Boy this is gonna be good!

 

Amara had walked along many corridors until coming into a large room. It was square and one wall made entirely of glass revealing the corridors to three of the above floors. The roof of the room was many glass panes reflecting the light in strange ways and lighting the room effortlessly. She headed past the uptight receptionist and stepped outside - gaining a rather spiteful look as she passed. She had grabbed a sheet and wrapped it around her arm to hide that and covered her face with most of her hair. She stepped out into the wide, wild, world.

It was rather dark and smokey, there was rubbish being blown on a light breeze and dark alleys lined the overcast street. Even the building she had approached from seemed dismal and grey from the outside. She turned to the only soul around, a rather old man pushing a broom around and muttering. His crinkled skin seemed to be darkened by the smoke and dirt in the air and heat of barely visible sun, he coughed loudly and leant on his broom to gain balance, in contrast he still had all his hair, it was dirty and sooty though most likely white if he ever moved to a hospitable climate. He wore a brown uniform with a logo matching that of the building, she brushed her hair back and approached him.

"Excuse me." Amara was surprised at the sound of her voice, it was harsh and sounded slightly mechanical, it made her throat ache slightly. The man squinted from under ridiculously large eyebrows and put his face near to hers, he suddenly dre away and his beetle-black eyes went wide
"Wasn't you dead?" His mouth opened up like an 'O' as he pointed to her face, in horror she realised she had brushed her hair away, she attempted to brush it back
"Your HAND!!" She panicked
"Please! be quiet! I need help,"
"Hell you do! Go get a mechanic!" She glared at him "Okay, okay, I'll cut the sarcasm. Just tell me... how'd you wake from the dead?" Amara hesitated
"I don't know... I can't remember anything." The man looked at her sadly
"Perhaps it is better then..."

(Any better?)

[ March 30, 2003, 21:34: Message edited by: 8people ]

 

I was going to say it, and now I will.

Break it up.

If I were to print this out and read it, I wouldn't say that. But I intend to read the thing online. So please, do break it up. Not everyone's vision is 20/20 .

 

I know - sorry about that, I just got typing and got carried away.

 

I was right again...