Screw You Tony Horton!

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As many of you are well aware, I'm a big fan of Tony Horton's P90X workouts. So when P90X2 was released this month, I was among the purchasers of the initial product launch. I had high expectations.

Yesterday was the day I decided to start the program. The first 6 weeks, you just repeat the same series of 5 video every week. They told you upfront that P90X2 is not recommended for people who have not done P90X. I have, and with the exception of the Plyometrics workout, I have become quite proficient at those exercises, so I thought that I was a great candidate for P90X2.

While they did tell you in the advertising that the workouts focused on using counter-balancing muscle groups, they did not tell you that many of the exercises would range from extremely challenging to impossible for anyone with a dexterity score under 16. Holy mother. Granted I've tried exactly one video up to this point, but if this is what the routines are going to be like, I'm sending them back for a refund, because I won't be able to do them.

Take the pushup exercises for example. They do them while gripping a medicine ball, and balancing on one foot. Place medicine ball on floor in front of you. Stand on one foot. Lean forward and place both you hands on the medicine ball. Hop your foot backwards to a pushup position, and do a pushup. Hop your foot back up to the medicine ball. Do three reps, switch feet, and do 12 reps altogether.

That might not sound too bad, but here's the issue. You're on one foot. So when you hop backwards, the only contact point you have with the ground is your hands, which are on the medicine ball. Medicine balls are spherical, as the "ball" part of "medicine ball" implies. As such they are capable of rolling rather easily. And roll they do if you can't get your center of gravity directly over them.

Attempting (and yes, I deliberately say "attempting" instead of "succeeding") to do clap pushups on a medicine ball was a real joy. It should be pointed out that I am capable of doing 20 or so clap pushups, but I'm used to having my hands land on a stable surface - like the ground - instead of a freakin ball, that once again rolls if you don't land just so.

What the hell Tony? I'm the specific target group that your P90X2 program is supposedly marketing to. P90X2 is directed at people who have done P90X, and can do those workouts fairly well. In P90X, you got me doing clap pushups, one arm pushups, one leg pushups, diamond pushups and many others. But doing those things while balancing on a ball? I feel like a god damn circus seal.

It's just rather disheartening. When I started doing P90X, while I wasn't able to get many reps on many of the exercises, I was capable of doing all of them. To stick with the clap pushup example, when I started I was only able to do 5 or 6. I can do 20 now, but I was able to gradually increase my reps by doing the exercise. If the same were true in the new program, I wouldn't be this frustrated. I can do ZERO clap pushups on a medicine ball. It wasn't due to lack of trying on my part - I got the bruises and rug burns on my arms this morning to prove it. But it seems intuitive that in order to be able to increase the number of reps you can do you have to be able to do at least 1 to begin with. While I suppose I can start with doing the exercises without the ball, and eventually graduate to the ball when I get my form without the ball down, I feel like I'm not really doing the workout that way.

Tony Horton can go perform a physically impossible sexual act on himself.

EDIT: I should mention that I didn't expect the program to be easy. In fact, if it didn't up the difficulty from P90X, I would be disappointed. But the first set of videos focused more on strength training, which is my thing. They didn't require exquisite balance skills other than in the Yoga exercises - but since those are slower movements you can compensate better. Just looked at the workout schedule - tonight is the new version of Plyometrics - called Plyocide. Joy. Givne that the Plyo workout in the first series was far and away the most difficult, I can't imagine what I'm in for this time.

 

OK, I've done a few more workouts, and it's not as bad as I originally predicted. Here's my impression thus far.

Day 1: X2 Core - As detailed above, this is much more difficult that the first core workout. I'm going to have to modify this one. I don't see me being able to do pushups on a ball anytime soon, and with all exercises in the the P90X/X2 series, they give you modification tips if you can't perform them as displayed. The modification for all the ball using exercises is to not use the ball, so I won't.

Day 2: Plyocide - After one attempt, my first impression is that this one is somewhat easier than the first video. But I also view this as a good thing. It really works up a good sweat, but you're not constantly taking breaks like the first one to catch your breath.

Day 3: Recovery and Mobility - This is the substitution for the Stretch video in the original series. A little more activity in this one, as there's some Yoga thrown in. Because it's a recovery video, it's not meant to be hard, and it isn't. Neither was the Stretch video in the first series.

Day 4: Total Body + Ab Ripper - This one is pretty good. I'm not thrilled that some of the moves are done in balance positions - for example, the preacher curls and kickbacks are done in the "Warrior 3" yoga position - so you're on one leg. I went down to 25lb dumbbells for the preacher curls, and 15lb dumbbells for the kickbacks until I get my form down. I'm sure I'll be able to move back to the heavier weights before long. I don't know if Ab Ripper is necessarily harder or easier - it's just different exercises. Some are harder than the P90X counterparts, some are easier.

Day 5: Is the one day I substitute in one of my old workouts from my pre-P90X days. Tony is not a chest a guy. The only chest work you get is different types of pushups, so I do one day a week of bench work. I've long since lost hope of ever increasing my bench. I've been stuck at 245lbs as my last bench set for oh, about 5 years now, and I don't see that changing anytime soon.

Day 6: X2 Yoga - Overall, I liked the first yoga video better. I love the first 15 minutes or so of this video - Warrior 1, Warrior 2, and Reverse Warrior in single, double, and triple cycles. I also hear that the one breath hold position is the standard in yoga as opposed to the 3-5 breath hold positions that were done in the first video. However, after that initial furious 15 minutes, the rest of the Yoga work is ridiculously easy, and focuses more on balance position and stretching that anything. (There's also the Crane technique from the first video, which I still can't do. I have the arm strength, I don't have the balance. I can only do it if I cheat and put my head down, so it's like Crane technique from a head stand.) Anyway, after doing it, I think I'm better served by doing the first set of P90X Yoga - I just think it's a better workout.

Day 7: Balance and Power - Well that's tonight so I don't know yet. I'm guessing it is something with legs...

 

Balance and power does focus on the legs, but not exclusively. You got some pushups and burpees, and even a bit of abs in that one. Tough, but not horrible. Since my last post I started week 2, so I went back to X2 Core last night, this time attempting all the exercises requiring the medicine ball without the ball. (Technically I did use the ball for some of the exercises - like the crunches and squats. I got nothing against the medicine ball if you ask me to hold it or lift it - just don't ask me to balance on it.)

And some of the other exercises have you use a stability ball and balance on those. Stability balls are those big ass balls that are a couple of feet across. I CAN balance on those. Not only are they bigger, but they squish a little, so when you're on top of them the top and bottom flatten a bit. A medicine ball is about the size of a basketball - although it weights a heck of a lot more than basketball, and has even less give and bounce ability as a basketball.

Plyocide tonight. Bring it be-atch!

EDIT: To be fair, I have found one exercise where the medicine ball actually helps - the Dreya Roll. To explain as simply as possible, it's an abdominal exercise that requires you to roll from flat on your back to your feet without using your hands. Holding onto the 8-lb medicine ball actually shifts your center of gravity forward a bit, making it easier. I can't do it without the medicine ball, but I can with it.

 

After two weeks I'm improving - already in the second go through, the routines were considerably easier than they were the first time. Two more times through each set of exercises, and then we move to round 2. (The guide book says it's OK to spend 3-6 weeks on each series of videos, but I can't help but that that with 3 series, and a 90-day workout, that they are intending for you to spend 4 weeks on each series.)

 

Figured out how to do burpees on a med ball. I think I may have figured out a way to do the balance pushups on two med balls. I'm still to scared to try plyo pushups on a ball. Suck it Tony!

 

It's all in the feet. I done figured it out. It's how you do the star crunches, one leg pushups the whole thing. You turn your feet sideways - something that they demonstrate but don't specifically point out - which they should, as you don't focus on the feet the first time you're watching the video on chest or abdominal exercises. Feet sideways, and a slight twist of your upper body, and you're O-ka-zay.

 

Well, I wouldn't necessarily go that far. This is a change week for me. I'll finish the first month of the program tomorrow evening, so I'll be moving on to the second set of videos. (It just so happened that I started the video series on a Wednesday - I didn't actually intend to finish the first set of videos on exactly the last day of January.) I'm sure I'll have adequate complaints about the second set of videos too - possibly more complaints than the first. I've already printed out the worksheets for the second set of workouts, and just the names on some of them sound rather intimidating.

For example, on the chest workouts, I see that one of the exercises is "4-ball push-ups". I can only surmise (without having done it yet), that a 4-ball push-up will be a ball under each hand (doable with proper balance), and a ball under each foot as well. There's also a "3-ball Plyo Push-up", which again I'm guessing is one ball in front of you on the plyo part of the push-up, with the other two under each foot. Those both sound like "f-you Tony" moves. (Hell, I only OWN two medicine balls, so even if, for some reason, I wanted to attempt these, I couldn't.)

Then there's a second set of exercises on the list that I know exactly what they are, and I know they are difficult. For example, there's "L Pull-ups" (body in an L-shape), and double wide pull-ups and push-ups (self-explanatory, but the former is more difficult than the latter).

Finally, there's a set of exercises that I don't know what they hell they even are, never mind if they will prove difficult or not. These include "Lever" (I'm guessing a type of pull-up, although FIIK), Vaulter Pull-Up (which is quite obviously a type of pull-up, although I have no idea what alteration of a standard pull-up makes it a "Vaulter"), "Impossible/Possible" (quite a cool name, no idea what it is), and "Chattarocker" (??? - Chatta-whadda?)

 

Well, I tried it, and it isn't all bad. I don't really have a problem with any of the pullup exercises. While they are physically difficult to perform, and on some of them I can only do 3 or 4 reps, it meets my criteria of "So long as I can do at least 1, I can gradually increase my reps" rule.

The only pullup move that I can't do as directed is the very first one in the workout - the pullup X. I just thought that they stuck the "X" after pull-up as part of the whole "P90X" thing. They didn't. The reason it's called that is because you're supposed to have your body in the shape of a "X" when you're doing it - in other words, hands and feet wide. This prevents "kipping" - I don't know where the term originates, but when you "kip" on a pullup, it means you bend your knees a bit and angle the lower part of your body forward to get your center of mass directly under the pullup bar. It makes pullups a bit easier.

The reason I can't do it that way is I have standard 8-feet ceilings in my house, with my pull-up bar set in a doorway, so the bar is about 7 feet off the floor. So, when I do pullups, I HAVE to bend my knees when I fully extend my arms, so that my feet don't touch the floor. Perhaps if I was less than 5 feet tall or if I had 10 feet high ceilings, this wouldn't be an issue, but alas, neither is the case. So I try to keep my knees far apart, which really isn't the same thing.

The pushups were a different story. For example, I was wrong about the 3-ball plyo pushup. I had assumed it was a ball under each hand and third under your feet. It's actually 3 med balls in a row in front of you. You start with your left hand on the left ball, and your right hand on the middle ball. You do a plyo pushup (so that your upper body gets airborne) and land with your left hand on the middle ball, and your right hand on the right ball. I have some serious issues with going airborne and landing on med balls to begin with, and now we're adding lateral momentum into it. No way in HELL I'm doing that. I did plyo pushups going left and right on the floor - thank you very much.

As for the ones I didn't know about, most of them are pretty cool. "Lever" is a modified chinup. You do a chinup. (The only difference between a chinup and a pullup is your hand grip. On pullups your palms face away from you, on chinups, they face towards you.) Once you get up, instead of coming back down, you kick your feet outwards, lean your upper body backwards, and extend your arms. So on the down part of it, your body is in a straight line, parallel to the floor. Your body stays straight throughout the exercise, alternating between perpendicular to the floor and parallel to the floor. (I can do this one, because my feet don't touch the floor when I'm in the "up" position.)

"Vaulter" pullups are not nearly as cool as the name sounds. All they are is one hand grips the bar with the palm facing out, the other with the palm facing in. You do two, then switch the grips of your hands, do two, repeat until tired.

"Impossible/Possible" was deliberately named as such, because Tony flat out tells you if you've never done the workout before, you'll find the move "Impossible". It's a pushup move. Hands on two med balls, feet wide. You do a pushup, and then raise your right leg and left arm parallel to your body. Do another pushup, and now raise your left leg and right arm parallel to your body. Repeat as needed. Now, I couldn't do the one arm balance pushups on med balls when I had two feet on the ground, so I do this exercise without the med balls.

Chattarocker is also a pushup move. Narrow setup, go down with your elbows next to your sides. When you get to the bottom, go back to the sphinx position (upper arms straight down from your shoulders, entire forearm on the floor in front of you). That requires you to quick-tap your feet back. Then go back to the original down position by quick-tapping your feet forward, and push up to your start position. The difficulty here is that you're in the down position a long time, although into the sphinx position is considerably easier than coming out of it, as the natural tendency is to straighten your arms at that point.

 

Finally - I found a workout that I don't need countless breaks. It's the first (and only) workout in the series that focuses solely on arms - shoulders, biceps, and triceps. And Tony is in my world now.

As in all things, everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, and sometimes, what you want to be your strengths aren't. That's me when it comes to weights. I always wanted to be a big chest and ab guy, but those aren't my best muscle groups by a fair margin, even though I work chest harder than any other muscle group. Arms are far and away my best, even though I can lift a proportionately higher amount of weight than I should compared to the weights I lift with other muscle groups, even though I don't work arms as hard as I do a lot of other muscle groups.

Anyway - 18 exercises - 6 each for shoulders, biceps, and triceps - and I owned them all. It happened eventually.

 

You know, it's getting pretty cool with the chest and back workouts. 10 different types of pushups, and 10 different types of pullups/chinups. The only chest exercise that I still struggle with is the impossible/possible. I'm still in the impossible phase. They are basically diamond pushups on a medicine ball, with your feet elevated on a stability ball. I can't get the balance right.

With pullups and chinups, I'm definitely making progress. I can do all of them now, and my rep count is going up. In the chest and back workout, I'm doing a total of about 60-70 pullups/chinups and probably somewhere around 150 pushups in the course of an hour, and that's with breaks included.

 

Part of the routine is to break bones?

 

Not intentionally. Although I'm sure it's happened. Tony is actually pretty good at telling you when an exercise has the potential to be dangerous if you screw it up. Like the side stand pushups. After each pushup, you turn your feet sideways,and lift one of your hands straight up. Your position is exactly like it would be if you take both your hands and stick them straight out from your sides, so that your hands would be at the same height as your shoulders. The only difference is you're in a pushup position, so you're sideways. If you do this exercise with a weight in your hand, you have to be careful that you don't go too far back when you do the side stand, as with a weight in your had you could easily fall backwards. And of course, he always tells you that if you don't feel comfortable doing an exercise as displayed, you can modify it, if you don't feel like smashing your face while doing pushups on medicine balls.

I may very well sub back in my arm workout tonight from the original P90X. I like most of the P90X2 workouts better, but I still like the original yoga workout better, and I like the original triceps, biceps, and shoulders workout better as well.

 

My 90 days are up - and I'm 11 pounds lighter. So I'm not stopping now.

P90X makes you strong - P90X makes you chiseled.