Girls less likely to use protection = Boy still to blame

Remove all ads!

Given that women are the ones getting pregnant and giving birth, you'd think that they would be the ones more strict about birth control.

I find it rather hilarious that whenever females act irresponsibly, someone, somewhere, somehow, will find a way to blame one or more males!

 

It's completely asinine to blame one partner over the other. Unprotected sex is unprotected sex no matter who is or isn't using birth control. Contraception isn't an individual act, both people are responsible for it.


(Unless you bring in lying about contraception, but that's a different matter.)

 

It takes two to tango Seriously though, if you aren't prepared to face the consequences then either use contraception or don't have sex in the first place.
Unfortunately, there are still a lot of people who think that you can't get pregnant on your first time, or if you pull out, or if you 'just stick it in for a little bit'.

I've known girls and boys who wouldn't use contraception because their partner didn't want to or they thought it wasn't cool. Condoms can be cool. Yeah, it's no fun stopping when things are getting heavy but there are ways to so it that are still fun.

I never thought I'd say this but I agree with mordea that you can't hold guys to blame. It's a 50/50 street. If a girl isn't prepared to insist on contraception, it's her own damn fault. Likewise, if a boy is refusing to use it he should keep it zipped up. It's not just pregnancy that's the problem. STD's go either way

 

Exactly.

I'm tired of women saying 'You got me pregnant!', as if blaming the male for their misfortune. Uhh, honey, who allowed a penis to pound them? You chose to use a penis for sexual satisfaction, knowing full well the consequences. When you point at someone, three fingers point back at you, etc etc.

 

BOTH PARTIES engage in unprotected sex, BOTH are to blame. Simple as that.

 

Don't agree. If a woman 'suffers' an unplanned pregnancy, it is *her* fault, and ONLY her fault. The only exceptions to this rule are if the man claims he is infertile, when he is not. Or she is raped.

 

Why would anyone who has no desire to raise a child engage in unprotected sex is a mystery to me. 'Tis like trying to get through a river - if you cannot swim or do not fancy a dive, use the damn bridge!

I do agree that using contraception should primarily be a woman's responsibility. If she does not wish to become a mother, she should prevent it. Expecting a man to take care of her well-being would be folly. A female gets pregnant, a female carries a child, and - unless she decides to use post coital contraception, induce a miscarriage or have an abortion - she gives birth to it.

Saying that these consequences will fall upon the woman is not sexist in any way. It is just realistic. I believe it is safe to assume that the risks a female takes while having unprotected sex are greater than the male's. Ergo, it is in her best interest to use contraception.. without expecting anyone else to take care of a matter that is hers to deal with.

Excluding the cases of lying about using contraception Rahkir mentioned. It is still common for some women to use pregnancy for the purpose of trapping men into marriage (and there is no way of checking whether she lied about the pills or not). I find such primitive ploys utterly disgusting, but that is another story.

Well, there are also men who claim to be infertile/after vasectomy, but seriously, if a girl is foolish enough to believe it (especially during 'one night stands') she probably would not know how to use a condom anyway...

 

Once you've wet your wick it's your responsibility too. Period. Have fun paying child support for the next 18 to 23 years along with the child's college tuition.

 

I agree. Since the teenage boy doesn't have to carry the kid, have the kid, or - assuming the two people don't get married, which they usually don't when talking about adolescents - bear the majority of the responsibility of caring for and raising the child, the consequences for the teenage girl are far greater. Sure, paying child support for the next couple of decades is no fun for the boy, but I feel having a kid is much more of a life altering event for the teenage girl.

So the reality of the situation is that you'd think girls WOULD be more likely to use protection than boys. And rather than go into a rant about how society treats men versus women (or in the case boys versus girls) it may be more interesting to find out WHY this is so. The link mordea posted no longer appears to work, so I cannot read the article myself to see if there is some speculation by the authors of the study for why this happens. Any ideas by others?

 

First off, the whole premise of the quote used to open the thread is:

So we know two things:
1. They are teenaged girls.
2. They are having sex for the first time.

And the person who did the study is surprised? Gee. Nevertheless, I don't see where the "study" moves the point of who actually has safer sex beyond that.

Since we are speaking of teenagers, and if you had young boys, THAT is what you would teach them? If we are dealing with young ones, that still live at home, then the parents bear a lot of the responsibility of teaching them. I have a boy and two girls. I fully intend to teach my boy to be responsible for his actions. As for the girls, and "any guys" that come around the front door? The rifle can come down off the wall. "Fertilizer" for the backyard is getting expensive these days....

 

It takes two, male and female, to make a baby. Both are responsible for the conceiption of a child and in my opinion both should be responsible.

However since the girl is the one who is going to carry the child and raise it it does seem to me she should demand that protection be used.

Also thre is the risk of disease. Both partners are taking a chance. In this day and age it is sensless to not use protection ie condoms.

Since the topic deals with "the first time" even with all the sex education I am not really surprised that protection is not used.

Have to make some assumptions here.
The girl is not planning on having sex at least "all the way". The boy is and it is not his first time. I would hold him to the greater responsibility. If his intention is to persuade the girl to have sex he should be prepared.

If it is the first time for both then neie=ther is apt to be prepared.

 

It was not my intention to imply that men are not responsible, or that they should not care about contraception at all (a male cannot get pregnant, but he can perfectly well get AIDS). The consequences of an unwanted/unplanned pregnancy, however, will most probably alter the woman's life more than a man's, and seeing conception is more likely than contracting an STD, it is logical that the female should consider it hers responsibility to prevent the aforementioned pregnancy.

On a side note, not everyone is or will become a parent, ergo - not everyone views this matter from a personal perspective: as a problem touching his/hers children, whether at the moment or in the future.

Exactly.

I would also like to add one remark: using contraception is not difficult. An adolescent has no problems with memorizing football squads, names of actors and actresses, prom dress ideas, et caetera... getting their heads around the fine art of putting a condom on should not prove difficult by comparison. They are young, sure, but they are not little children.

 

I had 2 kids, and didn't want another quite yet until we were in a better financial situation. We both hated condoms, and so after a discussion we agreed that she would go on the pill. Funny thing was, every time I asked her if she'd taken her pill (IIRC, there's only a 15 minute window where effectiveness is at its max) she would get shrill and hostile, saying "don't you trust me?" -- I was operating under the impression that birth control should be the responsibility of both partners. I guess that's only true if the woman wants it to be.

So, no surprise, she got pregnant. I said "were you taking the pill regularily? I didn't ask about it then because you didn't want me to, but I'm asking now!" and she started crying and saying how mean I was.

Well, she lost that baby. That was a shame, no doubt about it. I'm pretty sure she blamed me, but it's not like I had anything to do with it. So I asked a bit more often about the pill, but was always met with the same whiny refusal to give a straight answer. It should come as no surprise that she got pregnant again in a year. See a pattern? I did.

So after the baby was born successfully I talked about the finances with her. We both agreed that we just couldn't afford another baby anytime soon, and I buckled and said that maybe the pill just didn't work for us. So I took responsibility like a good guy and had a vasectomy. YOu all knjow what happened later.

So stats are stats but IMHO if a woman doesn't use / insist on protection she secretly doesn't want to avoid pregancy or is stupid. I know there's dirtbag guys who have their own reasons for not using it, but not all guys are like that. yet our society and the courts seem to paint us all with the same brush.

BTW, I suggested condoms in addition to the pill, and was more than willing to use them. But she brought up the trust thing again and shot that down. Looking back I cannot believe how stupid I was to fall for her lying crap.

 

Well, the study was speaking directly to the issue as a problem for teens, and generally, unless you happen to be one, or have kids that are/will be teenagers, or you are concerned over it as a societal problem, I don't see much point.

Not wanting to revist the issue of choice. You make a strong case that a mother's decision becomes basically her choice, since it is largely her responsibility. Yet, some guys are always whining that they want to have "their say" in the matter of choice.

 

Are you a bit of a misogynist deep down? Or maybe not so deep...

 

Based on what comment do you think I'm a "misogynist," Barmy? That I'm a Rolling Stones fan?

 

Was this remark not directed at mordea?

(I, for one, do not think that expecting a woman to take responsibilities is misogyny, but that would be another thread, methinks.)

Chandos, are you still talking about contraception? The 'men wanting to have their say' part sounded abortion-related; I am asking just to make sure.

 

Ummm ... no. The pill works only when taken regularly (i.e., every day). Taking a pill before or after the tryst will not work. This is probably the biggest problem with birth control -- too many people really don't have a clue about how each method works and, often, don't even try to become informed.

Birth control must be taken/used exactly as it is designed or it is useless. For example, you're trying to wrap that puppy and realize it won't roll down. What do you do? Turn the thing over and unwind it, right? Wrong. You just loaded the tip of the thing with sperm (and any bacteria you might be carrying) and are going to push that stuff deep into the intended target. Congratulation, daddy -- you should have tossed the wrapper and gotten out a new one.

It is not suprising at all that a girl's first experience is unprotected. A first experience is either mutual (both are virgins) or one of the two is experienced. Most of the time an inexperienced person hasn't got a clue about birth control or they may believe stupid stuff like "you can't get pregnant the first time" (which is actually a fairly common urban myth). Every guy I know would rather not wear a condom if given the choice and so when she doesn't insist (mainly due to her either being unprepared or embarrassed to ask or naive) he thinks "this is awesome" and continues on his merry way. Beside, the dude doesn't want to ruin the mood or the happy ending to the night may not happen.

The experience girl knows she can stop things and will be prepared. "We ain't going no further until you wrap that puppy ... maybe twice." The experienced girl has usually planned the event (or at least prepared for the possibility) while the inexperienced girl is caught up in the moment and may not be prepared. And the dude? Take him out of the picture -- once he has a hard-on the brain shuts down, he'll do whatever it takes to close the deal.

 

Abortion, Runescarred. Certainly men should have a say in the contraception, without a doubt. But it seems to be that if the girl has that much responsibility, the matter of choice in an abortion should be largely hers.

 

For a teenaged boy 'in the moment,' that operation could be about as difficult (and likely to be carried out) as writing a thesis on space flight dynamics. First-timer males are thinking nothing more than "Ungh!" at that point, not "I must apply the condom so as to avoid an unplanned pregnancy! Be quick, man, but be steady, steady...!"

I basically wouldn't count on them for anything, execept hoping that they'll be spent before they get near the right spot.

Anyhow, I think that what the author may be suggesting is nothing more sinister than that the male, as the owner of the unit, is responsible for making sure it's covered. It's not the male's job to feed birth control pills to the female, for example.