Relationship Rant Thread #6

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Stop whining and go for it, damn you! You prefer the alternative of living with unspoken feelings? Not a good choice by a long shot.

 

They are not unspoken feelings.

We've talked, essentially I don't really want to start a relationship while living with the partner, and she just got out of one and isn't over it. If the situation was different there might be something, but at the moment and present circumstances, there is nothing. And really that is probably for the best... for now

 

Ahh, yes, the ever-crucial notion of timing. This changes everything.

 

If you don't go for it, you WILL regret it later. With my wife, I almost totally effed it up. I took several of my friends to talk me into making the move. I don't regret doing it. Even if she says no, not knowing will haunt you forever...

 

so, just found my girlfriend cheated on me with one of my best friends, thanks for messing up my **** ****tards!

 

That's a tough thing to go through Balle. One thing I kept reminding myself of when something similar happened to me -- they are not worth prison time.

 

Yeah, it's a tough one Sorry to hear it Balle.

My brothers have had a tough time, eldest one cheated with my younger older brothers wife Now the one who stole the wife is getting back with his ex-fiancé for the child they have. All pretty messed up.

I'm not supposed to even know about it, great!

 

Good riddance to them. He's not really a best friend if he messed around with *your* gf -- true friends don't cross that line -- and if she messed around with one of your friends, then she's a female dog not worthy of your time.

So although it sucks now, it's a blessing in disguise.

 

Well, I effed that one up. I have been hanging out with (and recently hooking up with) a girl towards the end of this summer, and I like her, but I am going off to college and I think it would be a bad idea to get into a relationship for a couple reasons - 1. I am going to college, so we wouldn't see each other. 2. I am not ready for a relationship, still reeling after the last f*** up. So, when she asked 'what we were,' after a bit of fumbling about, I told her that I don't think it would work. She said she thinks it would be unfair to ask me to be exclusive with her (seeing as she is a senior in highschool and is relatively far away), despite the fact that she likes me and does not want to be with anyone else...

Basically, I should have expected this to happen and not gotten sexually involved with her (and it wasn't very sexual at all... mostly just making out), and just kept it as friends because where else was it going to go?

It seems I can never hook up with someone and have it be just a hook up... I always either get emotionally attached or the other person gets emotionally attached. And I hate hurting people.

So, all in all, the situation is le suck.

 

*sigh*

Time to break the silence and come clean with you guys. I've been putting on my "happy" face at work, school, and here for awhile now...and considering I've been here for over 7 years, I don't feel I should have to tiptoe around you guys. So I'm just going to come out and say it:

Jessica and I have separated...and prospects don't look too good either. Things havent been ok for the past 6-8 months now, and we've been living separatly for 2 months now.

I guess it's a good thing Spellbound and Sorvo aren't around anymore to say "I told you so!" IIRC, Sorvo gave my marriage 6 months and Spell gave it a year or something...



For those who don't know, Jessica and I have been together for over 8 years, and we will have been married for 3 years on the 16th of this month. We separated (not legally) about 2 months ago. I lived at home alone for almost a month, as she lived with her friend's parent's house. She wanted to have the house, so I moved out on the 17th of August, and I've been living with my parents since...which is hell.

We have both hurt each other deeply, so we're both to blame I guess. I've been depressed and I’ve have been shut off for the past year or so...and in that time she became very unhappy as I pushed her away to deal with my problems. Towards the end, she ended up cheating on me with some little prick who's lucky to be alive. And now she’s been hanging out with another little prick who I feel just wants a piece of a**.

With everything that has happened, I'm trying my hardest to save this marriage, but she just wants out. I realized my life was all f***ed up, so I started seeing a therapist to help fix me...and I can honestly say that I can see my life changing. I can't change how she feels because she keeps holding me to who I was...that, and the words "what if" are the two things that are ingrained in her mind...and they're ruining what's left of this marriage. The past and uncertainty about the future plus her unwillingness to take a chance are why I don't have high hopes. I still have hope...but it's fading with every passing week.


Just do me a favor guys, if you're my friend on Facebook....don't announce it to the world. My family and co-workers are on there, and 99% of them don't know, and I'd like it to stay that way. Rumors spread like wildfire at work, and if word gets out, I'm going to be furious.

 

Sorvo and Spell were never exactly ones to have positive outlooks

I presume you have suggested marriage counseling?

Just be careful how you handle dealing with your depression, I've seen what happens when it's handled badly far too much. Mainly where people try and overcompensate trying to be happy, or if a medicated route is taken - coming off the medication suddenly can cause a lot of problems.

I wish you the best of luck and hope things turn out for the best, whatever that may be.

 

Good luck Kit. Take care.

 

The deal was, we were both supposed to see a personal therapist to fix what's wrong with ourselves, and *then* see a marriage counselor...I've been seeing my therapist for over a month now...AFAIK Jessica has only been to hers 2-3 times. I've suggested that we see a marriage counselor a.s.a.p. but she just said she needs to think about it.

Hey now...it's not over yet! I know the statistics are against us, but not all separations end in divorce.

As for the "various details" you mentioned...What do you mean? I know we don't have the typical marriage, but nothing I've revealed here makes me think that our marriage was doomed from the start.

 

Atypical relationships tend to give that impression. People generally want similar things from a relationship and when certain aspects aren't typical they can be harder to pull off.

 

That really sucks Kit but you know that we're all here for you if you need to chat.

 

Sorry to hear that Kit. Believe me when I say I understand -- when the ex moved out to be closer to her ... new soul mate, it was the most painful time of my life (and I had my two older kids with me -- she left all of us). I know some couples can get back together after such events occur, but I would never be able to -- I've always felt once trust was gone there really wasn't much to go back to. Sometimes I think it's better to move on and stop hurting each other.

I may be biased there and Mrs Bruno is a much better fit for me than the ex-Mrs Bruno. The current (and hopefully always in the future) Mrs Bruno is wonderful, we have the same goals in life and the same philosophies on child rearing (both were missing in my first marriage). My first marriage I went after a "plaything", my second I sought, and found, much more. I also learned a lot about how not to hurt someone in my first marriage -- I'm trying to make sure that doesn't happen again.

From your description it sounds like she decided this a while ago. It's always that way -- one partner knows and goes through the painful process of acceptance (during that time they take it out on the other partner). Once they come to grips with it, they leave -- and the partner is left to deal with everything alone. I think she emotionally left you a long time ago.

I probably said too much already -- I'll shut up now.

 

Back in February to be exact. She went to Denver for training, and she claims that while there, she "tasted freedom"...meaning that she didn't have to check in with me, she didn't have a "curfew", she could do what she wanted - when she wanted. Now, don't get me wrong...I'm not some psycho-possessive freak. If I come home on break (around 11pm) and she's not there, and I had no idea where she was or who she was with, I'd call her to see where she was... Basically, she feels that the normal check-ins that any normal relationship has (out of courtesy) was more like having to check in with "daddy".

 

Hmm...sounds like she's got some growing up to do if that's the case.