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Yet another english work

Discussion in 'Creativity Surge' started by Ofelix, Nov 9, 2003.

  1. Ofelix

    Ofelix The world changes, we do not, what irony!

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    Now this time My teacher want us (the student) to wrote a Poem on the Great War... I'd like your comment again, Keep in mind that engish is my second language and that writting peotry when word doesn't come themself to my mind (as in french) is hard!

    The criteria?
    -A miminum of 50 word...

    War Poetry by Mathieu Forget
    November 8th 2003


    The Dawn of Victory, the Dawn of Death


    When your have engaged in the army
    You have though of a fast and decisive victory
    Alas! It has been months since you have seen any sign for a dawn
    Alas! It has been months you have passed in darkness awaiting the dawn


    Each night you sleep uneasy as the sky darkened itself a little more each night
    Each day you fight uneasy as there is no dawn for you sight
    Alas! It is the way of those who endlessly wander in the battlefield!
    Alas! May we remember those who rest in the nearby field!


    Thy quill will do more for your country than thy riffle
    As thy quill spoke of true, as thy riffle spoke of death
    Alas! The horror of the truth will take time to travel above an ocean
    Alas! The horror of the riffle will not take time to travel above a field


    Yet After four winters and four summers you begin to see dawn
    The first dawn for men in the field, the first dawn you care
    Rejoice! It is the dawn of victory! The war is over
    Alas! It is the dawn of death; the war has killed too many men to be counted…
     
  2. Valkyrie Gems: 7/31
    Latest gem: Tchazar


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    Just a couple spelling errors, but that is one fine piece of poetry. :thumb:
    'riffle' do you mean rifle?
    and 'when you have engaged in the army' leave out the 'in'. Otherwise, its very good.
     
  3. Ofelix

    Ofelix The world changes, we do not, what irony!

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    Hummm, yes I meant rifle, DOH! Anyway The poem is already given so thanks anyway...
     
  4. Valkyrie Gems: 7/31
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    It's still quite awesome. I hope you continue to post things like this.
     
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