The Decision Not To Have Children

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My parents are visiting this week and we went to see my cousin and her newborn child. When we got back to my house, my parents started asking my wife and I about having children.
Both my wife and I have made the decision that we do not want children of our own. It is nothing against children, we both love kids and work with them from time to time. Its just neither of us have the desire or instincts to be parents.
When we tell people this, we get funny looks, the line "well you'll change your minds if my wife gets pregnant" "is there something wrong with you that you don't want kids?"
How come if someone doesn't want to have kids, society looks at them like they are freaks? I've noticed that is seems society as a whole is prejudice towards people who don't have children. There's "family packs" of steaks at the grocery store, "family night" at Pizza Hut, etc. What about an "Adults Who Don't Want Kids Night" at the local Denny's? Anyone without children gets a discount.
Most automobiles produced today come with attachments for cars seats as standard equipment. When I bought my Ford, it HAD to have those, I couldn't get it without them. The dealer was like, "Well, if you ever decide to have kids, you'll be glad you have them."
What frickin part of "I DON'T WANT KIDS" did this dolt not understand.
I'm curious if anyone else here has made this kind of decision and what kind of reactions you've gotten from family and friends.

 

well, you would be considered odd if you dont want to have children. It's like a fundemental drive in human nature to reproduce.
Aside from that, I don't see anything wrong with not wanting to have kids, although since I'd be used to people wanting to have kids I might look a bit odd at you as a first reaction.
Consider you're the first couple those people encounter, when you're saying you don't want children. Maybe they don't all consider you a freak, just being surprised by the thing you claim.

 

I personally do not plan to have any kids. As with Elios, I have nothing against them, but my lifestyle and my plans for the future are just not that compatible with raising a family. Or maybe I do not feel responsible enough.

Anyway, it is not surprising to me that you get weird looks and/or remarks when you make this decision. A family with kids has been the standard nucleus for such a long time in our society that people are just taken aback when someone makes a different choice.
As for the rest, companies tend to go for the biggest market, so it makes sense to have all kind of stuff aimed at families.

 

Children of my own? Never.

 

what so many don't want any children?
The doom of mankind has begun.

 

I want to have as many as my wife (whoever she may be) will let me have...

 

In our crowd we have two married couples without children and they have no intention of it. I have often wondered if mother nature is somehow trying to control the population.

To each their own. I have a wonderful seven year old son who I wouldn't trade for anything.

 

It seems to me that most of your ire is misdirected. Yes, anyone who can't/won't respect your decision and tries to impose their values on you is an insensitive dolt, but the other things you're complaining about don't make much sense.

* CARS: There are federal safety standards for child seats out there and the assembly line manufacturing process used by auto makers make it easier for such a thing to be stardard, not optional. Ignore the child-seat mounts and move on.

* FAMILY PACKS: What would you rather they be called, Glutton Specials? Oh yeah, that'll go over real well with the weight-conscious American public.

* FAMILY NIGHT AT PIZZA HUT, DENNY'S: Take advantage of not needing a babysitter or having to cater to picky toddlers and go to a real restaurant, already.

Like it or not, you've chosen to be in the minority. It's reasonable to expect people to respect your decision, but you're going too far. Like any good minority, you're asking for the rest of society to bend over backwards and make special accommodations for the dissenting view, instead of simply accommodating yourself. Get over it.

BTW - Good for you and your wife to know yourselves so well, and to stick to your guns. Enjoy!

 

Anyone else but me notice how it's always the intelligent, career-driven, upstanding citizens - the ones who should be reproducing - who are often the ones who choose not to have children, while the poor, uneducated, classless imbiciles hump like crazy and have armies of children, even though they can't afford to? I mean I realize Jerry Springer needs guests for his show, but come on...

 

I'll take no umbrage at that, DR. Velcro and I have four college degrees and a clean rap sheet between us...

 

Well, Elios, a lot of people change their minds, so perhaps your parents think you will too. But it doesn't make you a bad person for deciding not to reproduce. I know that I never wanted any kids, but now that I have them, I'd die for them! Some people are just insensitive, others are just smug -- I know it can be irritating. I'm in the tiny minority on many issues, and people are always trying to "figure me out" or otherwise hint that my decision is/was stupid.

 

Death Rabbit, what you describe is a frequent theme in science fiction stories, extrapolated to a future in which humans have genetically selected to reduce the species' intelligence and self-sufficiency. It's called the "Marching Moron" theory after the first such story. But I think it's looking at things backwards, and when education and health care are more generally available to everyone we'll see the average birthrate decrease to replacement level across the board.

I'm staying out of the gene pool partly by choice, although my doctor has told me I couldn't have babies if I tried. I don't think it's wise for me to reproduce anyway because I carry genes for several neurological diseases (Alzheimer's and Tourette's syndrome among others) that the next generation doesn't need. And my husband doesn't like children. Anyway, we have 7 nieces and nephews, 3 cats, and the best dog in the world so I am not lacking in little loved ones to nurture.

But I get a lot of grief about it from my mother.

 

Well, I am in the no children camp.

 

I think it just goes back to the basic evolutionary thing. In order for a speicies to continue after just one generation, the individuals need to reproduce. So it goes down to basic urges; the want to have sex and Mother Love (also the reason a lot of people consider babies of almost any species cute) For humans this isn't necessarily true anymore. While I don't believe that the world is in danger of human overpopulation (the US government pays certain farmers NOT to grow corn because the US often ends up growing more than gets consumed in a season and for some reason we don't ship the extra to starving countries that could use it. . . *grumbles about waste for a little while*) I don't think a few certain couples choosing not to have kids is a problem. If the ENTIRE world decided not to have kids then there might be some major problems, but I don't think that'll happen any time soon.

And maybe your parents think you'll change your minds because they feel that maybe as you get older your job won't seem as satisfactory and you'll suddenly want kids to fill up the "emptiness". *shrug* I don't really know for sure because I'm 17... well 16 for another 4 days (Yay! Birthday's coming up!) but that would be my guess. It's pretty well known that during certain times in history/life many couples decide not to have kids for various reasons. 1) They're having fun without them 2) They're worried about the added finances of taking care of kids 3) They care a lot about their job and don't want to take the time off. . . the list of reasons goes on. But at the same time many of the reasons can change. So perhaps your parents think that your reasons are the kind of things that will change at some point. Your parents also probably want you to have kids because it's a known fact that grandkids are much more fun than having your own kids. (You get to spoil them, be the good guys and then give them back to their parents for them to fix the problems. ) You'll just have to put up their nagging and questioning doubts I suspect.

As for all those kid-nights-whateverness, think of it like an advertising gimic. Starbucks gets all the coffee driven people who generally do not seem to be the frazzled parents of four kids (I have yet to figure out why though) it's just not in their image. Denny's gets its most clients from the parents who are stuck with bickering kids who don't like sushi, Tai, or anything remotely "adultish" Have you ever watched a parent try to get their kid to eat something they didn't want to? It doesn't work. And for this reason, parents don't bring their kids to "fine" restaurants, they bring them to places where their kids can be loud, annoying and people pretty much expect it and where there's food their kid won't throw a tantrum about eating. And so places like Pizza Hut and Denny's gear a lot of their advertisement to those parents and kids. Think about it from a parent's point of view: if there's a kid's night at McDonald's that means that lots of kids will be there so you won't have to worry about keeping them on their best behavior. If they stand up on the chair so they can see something, it's ok and expected. And by having these nights where kids eat free, these companies are making money because the kids consider it a "treat" and then want to go there even more. They make money off of it. -- More money if they had "married couples without kids night eat free" even. Sorry, but that's just the way it works. But hey, think about it like this, you're not constrained by going to those restaurants cuz your kids want to. You can go anywhere you want and enjoy it. So do enjoy it! It's your choice, so live it up.

 

That reminds of the demography thread about the drastic low birthrates in some countries. On the other hand, most of the first group you describe are descendants of the second group. So, I do not see a problem with that.

 

God help anyone who has to look to me for the instructions of living...

 

That is because the front air bags are kid killers. The car companies and their cronies in congress forced the air bags on the public, even though they have been known to kill small children. I have to keep my girls in the back seat for fear that if one goes off, that it may hit one of my small children in the head. Angry parents appeared before congress to try to get them disabled, but the big car company lobby is too powerful. The car companies love them because they can charge as much as 1200.00 extra dollars and there's not a whole lot you can do about it, but pay. If one goes off, they cost a fortune to put back in place too.

 

I think it's great that there are people out there who know that, for whatever reason, kids aren't for them. I mean, think about what the world would be like if every person on the planet who was able to, got out there and had kids! You'd have your stereotypical Roman Catholic family who don't believe in contraception having endless numbers of kids, not to mention those of other similar religious (or personal) beliefs and at how many other people having how many other kids?
There would be no room left on the planet for any more people so alternative means would have to be found. Buildings would keep getting taller, the earth's resources would disappear at a phenomenal rate because there'd probably be so many people stressing about how to accomodate the booming population that no-one would probably be able to spare the time to investigate renewable energy sources, and besides where the hell would all the animals be kept?

Whoa, sorry about that, lost hold of my mind.
Anyway, all I was going to say was sure society may think you are freaks for not wanting kids, but hey aren't we ALL freaks in our own way? Stick to your guns and let everyone else deal with their own insecurities brought on by your decision

 

Yes, but were it not for all that "humping" going on at any given moment in this world, this conversation would not be taking place. There was a sect some years ago called the Shakers. They were very devote and did not believe in sex or having children either. Guess what there are not any more of?

 

Think about it this way.

1. People used to think that children were angels that sometimes caused problems and many idiots still do.
2. Smart people will be able to put two and two together to figure out that children are dirty, nasty and selfish.

Which do you think would have children.