POLL: Followup to Chev's Love Machine

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That's what I thought, but then the hormones decided otherwise. I bet your mind begins to change bit by bit too...

 

Yeah, I think it's always important to remember that circumstances change and the current ones aren't permanent. Not all is gold that glitters, but nowhere does it actually say it isn't, either. Just to keep a balanced view and try to see it from all sides is the best way, I believe.

Sometimes it's nice to lose yourself in the moment, but there's always responsibility. There's always the future. And the past. The past is there to give you material for comparison and some bases to build your insight on. The future is your goal. The present serves to shape the future using the material that the past gives you to help make an informed decision. Craving momentary delight doesn't make it, it's not lasting. It's surely some experience and contributes to the great database of the past, but you're ultimately going to build some future and not stretch the limits of your database of past experiences. Don't you think? At least that's how I see it.

 

After reading it three times, you're still a confusing bastard!

I get your meaning, but I prefer living day to day, because we don't know how much future we have!

Apart from that, I haven't been interested in having a relationship for the best part of two years now... its just too much hassle.

 

I always say relationship for the sake of having a relationship is not worth it.

 

I think I'm following chev's 'confusing' post. Basically you're saying that The Past + The Present = The Future and other distractions aren't really part of the equation in the long run right?

 

In a way yes, though the way it works, at least as I see it, it's more in the shape of causational relation:

The past causes the present, the present causes the future.

Even though, directly, the future is caused by the present. However, logically if the past causes the present and the present causes the future, then the past causes the future.

The past is a collection of various experience that you use in the present to help you in the shaping of the future (at least in so far as it depends on you). While the past is a great division of time, the present is just a little point. The moment. Just enough for you to recollect your experience from the past and transform it into some future.

The downside of this reasoning is that the future will, by definition, never come and never truly exist since only the present exists. So you will live in the present until you die. Shaping the future, of course.

For this reason, one should rather avoid the extremes and exercise some temperance. Inconsistent? Well, no. Temperance was the reason for this whole reasoning (and inference) in the first place.

Therefore while losing yourself in a moment is largely inconsequential (in so far as it doesn't affect the future per se but only distracts you from it), it's always a good thing to stop and smell the roses. Should you stop for a longer time, if you exercise a reasonable and sensible approach, you will not lose the time. Instead, you will build your base of experience and help yourself make decision later.

How does it all relate to getting married and having children? Don't let yourself serve your momentary whims. Every single moment in your life when you make a decision involves your whole future. Life will hold you responsible for every such moment. Decisions such as getting married (and with whom) or having a child necessitate a wise, informed choice. With sufficient deliberation, if necessary, but still not letting yourself lose totally in the deliberation. Deliberation is not the goal, it's only a means of achieving it. Contradiction? Perhaps. Temperance is key.

 

Much more eloquent than I could ever possibly hope to be chev. And all so true of course. The only thing in my experience which negates any effect decision making may have is when a decision is taken out of one's hands - eg, when one partner in a relationship 'sabotages' and attempt at contraception. Whether it be through lies ('I'm on the pill', 'I've had a vasectomy' etc) or through physical sabotage of contraceptive devices such as using a pin to put holes in condoms. This las actually happened in my situation and was later admitted. granted though, these examples really only apply to having children but the only example I am aware of where decisions involving marriage are effectively taken out of one's hands is when a decision is made on only half-truths and hidden truths such as one's partner's true nature being concealed until after the union is made 'official'.

 

Well, considering that my main ambition such as it is is to be a mother, that rather answers the question right there. However, having had one marriage fail, I'm a great deal more skeptical on the relationship front.
Add to the fact that I'm almost 31, and yeah, it's unsettling at times.

 

I am still undecided about children. I don't see a spouse as a tie-down, but children can be. It is a huge decision in life to create something that will be totally dependent on you for at least 16+ years. It's an awfully long time....and any parent will tell you that you never stop being a parent. /shrugs

As for marriange....well...I am here to tell you something very important about relationships that I have learned. People change. Every day in some small way....and sometimes in really big ways, espeacially over the years. And sometimes, no matter how careful you are, a few years down the road you could wake up and find that you have chosen the wrong person after all, because the person they have evlolved into, is not someone you want to be with. And love, alone...often is not enough. On the flip side...you could know someone for a very short time...marry them.....and years down the road find yourself more in love with them than ever.

My point...you can never be too sure....trust your gut and do what your heart tells you to do. If there is even just the slightest hesitation....don't do it at all.