More silly proofs

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I'd love to add this to the old math thread from before, but I posted last, so here's the continuation:

Proof: The less you know, the more cash you make

From physics we know:

power = work / time

Common proverbs tell us:

knowledge = power
time = money

Substituting those in, we get:

knowledge = work / money

Solve for money:

money = work / knowledge

Then the limit as knowledge -> 0, money -> infinity

Thus, regardless of how much work we do, the less we know, the more we make!

 

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Cheese corrupts. Therefor, knowledge = cheese.

 

2 = 1.

Proof:
2 x infinity = infinity
Divide both sides of the equation by infinity:
2 = 1

QED (or not as the case may be; the flaw lies in treating infinity as a number).

 

@ Chris - somewhat related to your post, there are actually different kinds of infinity. For example, the set of real numbers is said to be larger than the set of integers, even though they are both infinite. Perhaps even stranger, the set of even integers is actually the same size as the set of all integers, even though, intuitively, it would seem that there are twice as many integers as there are even intergers.

Thinking about infinity makes my brain hurt.

 

The infinity of even numbers is the same as the infinity of integers because there is a 1-to-1 mapping between all integers and even numbers (multiply by two). Similarly, the infinity of square numbers (1,4,9,16,etc.) is the same infinity as integers.

 

Ah, yes, set theory. Good to know there are other people struggling through that stuff.

Here's a rebuttal of the girls are evil proof:

From chromosomes we know:
Men = X + Y
Women = X + X = 2X

X = Women / 2
Y = why? = knowledge deficit = -knowledge

Thus Men = X + Y = Women/2 - knowledge

So men are half of women and then some.

 

From my good old classics days:

Qui bibit dormit. Qui dormit non peccat. Qui non peccat sanctus est. Ergo: qui bibit sanctus est.

QED

As some of you might actually not speak Latin, it translates:

Who drinks sleeps. Who sleeps doesn't sin. Who doesn't sin is saint. Therefore: who drinks is saint.

 

You people are giving me Nightmares on Taylors Series and Formulas.

"I don't wanna goto infinity mommy!"

 

This was written on the board where we wrote an exam just today... it looks better in writing than in typing but anyways:

Integral of e^x = F(U,N)

 

Try this.

Beta Mu Pi Integral of e^x

Write it out on paper, in the symbols.

 

I can see that the integral of e to the power of x spells "sex" but what on earth is "Beta Mu Pi" in Greek characters supposed to spell out?

More silly infinity "proofs":

Infinity = 1
How?
Infinity * infinity = infinity
Divide both sides by infinity:
Infinity = 1

Infinity = 0
How?
Infinity ^ Infinity = Infinity
Take the infinitieth root of both sides:
Infinity = 0

 

Technically infinity divided by infinity is undefined, not 1. What is one is bigger than the other? Infinity itself is not a real number, so normal operations cannot apply to it.

 

Exactly, that's why these "proofs" are silly.

 

Beta is the greek B, Mu looks like a u, and pi looks like 2 really small t's. So we get.

ButtSex

And what do you get when you take the Integral of Cabin?

 

I have no idea...

Try this:
0) Think of ANY seven digit number.
1) Key-in the first 3 digits of the number in a calculator
2) Multiply by 80
3) Add 1
4) Multiply by 250
5) Plus last four digits of number
6) Plus last four digits of number again
7) Minus 250
8) Divide by 2

[ December 07, 2003, 20:48: Message edited by: Blog ]

 

Blog: That one didn't work with 6-digit phone numbers (like mine).

 

I had the feeling I should have posted "if you have a 7-digit phone number" seeing how SP is international.

My guess is that it works for any 7 digit number. Someone just messaged it to me that way, so I'll edit it...

[EDIT] Post number 666 [/EDIT]

 

Go 666 posts!

Tried it with my 7-digit cellphone number, and it worked. Freaky.

 

@ Blog
Very ingenious. The nice part is that if you know the trick (I do after thinking how it works from your example) it's easy to make variants from it. But still the first one to have thought it up must really have a weird brane.

 

Here's the ever-popular
Proof That Santa Doesn't Exist:

There are approximately two billion children(persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu,
Jewish, or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan)
religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas
night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work
with, thanks to the different time zones and the
rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get onto the next house.

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops
is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of
course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are not talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks.

This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second - 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that flying reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them -Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

A mass of nearly 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reaches the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's.

A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously
slim considering all the high calorie snacks he must have consumed over the years) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.