Changing

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I was intrigued by Gaear's post on the age-difference thread, and wanted to continue it without completely changing the original discussion. So, here's what he wrote:

I find this interesting because I tend to the opposite. Occasionally, I'll notice changes that have occurred in my past, but normally, I expect/hope to change more in the future than I feel I've changed in the past.

Yes, I have gained weight and had other physical changes (the most notable obviously being the new stomach condition), but they don't seem important to me compared to the fact that I still cry a lot over stupid stuff. I fully believe that will change as I mature and that as I settle into a stable job without as much uncertainty about the future, I will also become more stable emotionally.

Also, I'm not sure if becoming *more* of something (fatter, greyer, balder, etc.) is as much of a change as actually doing the opposite -- for example, I think someone who gains a certain amount in ten years, and then gains the same amount again in the next ten years . . . I'm not sure you can really call that "changing" in the same way as if the same person had then lost the same amount of weight and ended up 10 years later at the same weight they were ten years ago through weight gain AND weight loss.

But since I haven't read the article, I'm not sure if it was limited to that kind of changing, or if it considered more drastic changes as well. To me, physical changes, unless they are major, don't really mean much in the grand scheme of things. Emotional and life-style changes, as well as cultural changes, seem to be more important.

 

For me, I focus so much on goals that I easily overlook changes. But I think not noticing changes, be they physical or emotional is on the rise, as reduction of free time, as well as the immense number of distractions we have now, leads to a reduction in the chance for introspection. I remember reading an article by somebody who'd picked up an ipad and that finally he realised that with this new addition, he'd occupied every spare second he had, right up until before he drifted off to sleep, and he was miserable.
Could start up a whole 'nother topic about the importance of boredom, but anyway, perhaps introspection becomes more daunting, the less of it we do.

 

Just to be sure: What I meant with change in the "Age Limit" thread was non-fysical change. Most people have had there wild years by the age of 30, usually don't change friends or musical orientation. Or at least they don't change them as quickly as teenagers and people in their 20s can. I tend to think that "Character Growth" is faster in someone's 20's, than it is after that, with the possible exception of becoming a parent. But, like I said before, I'm not an expert.

 

Blessing in disguise for some ...

It is kind of funny to see people who are so hooked on all our modern gadgets and distractions panic when they find themselves without them. If almost like an anxiety disorder for some - they'll pace around and fidget and worry and not eat, like your cat when it's unhappy about something.


V, it kind of sounds like you're looking forward, which I can't really imagine is a bad thing. I think that the fact that most people limited change to their past was considered less an overt attitude about life and more a reflection of human nature - just an innate behavior.

btw, I tried to find that article again but I can't because Google thinks I'm looking for books about "how successful people think," even though I didn't mention books or success.

 

Well I think the degree of change over the years entirely depends on the individual. I know people in their 20's who appear to have "settled" into their personalities. They do not seek change. I also know people who are in their 50's or much older, who are always seeking new experiences.

 

I think it's "life events" that cause most change. When you're younger less dramatic life events can cause significant change than what would facilitate change when you get get older. Those "lesser" significant events happen incredibly often at younger ages as well (by lesser I do not mean less traumatic, but rather for that same person 20 years later it may take a harsher event to cause the same change -- you get callous to things). By the time you're over 30 or so it takes death (or serious injury), marriage, divorce, or winning the lottery to facilitate the change.

I'm not explaining the very well so feel free to flame me for my inept description.

 

No, I completely get it (I think: if the following is completely wrong, then I guess I didn't). The older you get the more "lesser" experiences you've had, so the less impact there is from those events. So, it takes a bigger event to cause the same level of reaction/change.

For example, the first time you get a parking ticket, it's more of a big deal because it was the first time. But over time, other things have that same level of impact, so even though it's the first time, it's not as big of a deal, but it probably has a bigger impact than your second parking ticket. The older you get, the more of these you have, so even if it's a new thing, if it's at the same level as other events, there is less stress/reaction . . . therefore, it takes something with a bigger impact -- say an actual car accident where there is an injury or major damage to the car -- to actually cause that same level of reaction.

At least, that's how I understood what you're saying. I agree, but I also agree with Dice in that some people actively seek out change, while others seek out stability/sameness, and still others don't really seek out anything and are generally content or resigned (depending on whether they like the non-changing situation). Personally, I tend to waver between all three. I'm sure one of them is dominant, but I'm not sure which one.

I mean that I think change comes from reaction, action, and proaction (if that's not a word, it should be, and I'm leaving it in -- this would be acting in response to a perceived future event), not just reaction.

 

"You never cross the same river twice"

Personality wise I feel I have changed a lot, yet friends and family seem to see me as more settled and reliable how I am and have been for at least the past six years.

Physical changes have been great, but I often subtly miss them, I'm simply so used to adapting to my surroundings and situations that whilst I still have outbursts of frustration I struggle to remember previous physical states.

I am very much in the "now" and what I *can* be, rather than what and who I was before.