40 Things that only happen in the movies.

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1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.

2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.

4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.

6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.

8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.

9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.

10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).

12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).

13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard . . .

15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).

16. Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in a pursuit).

17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.

18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.

19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.

20. All single women have a cat.

21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.

22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.

23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.

25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

26. Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don't mind at all what the girl does for a living.

27. A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

28. It is not necessary to say "Hello" or "Goodbye" when beginning a telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying "Hello? Hello?" repeatedly.

29. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (it's called Stallone's Law).

30. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish.

31. Plain or even ugly girls can become movie star pretty simply by removing their glasses and rearranging their hair.

32. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks.

33. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.

34. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

35. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

36. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

37. Most musical instruments (especially wind instruments and accordions) can be played without moving your fingers.

38. In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets.

39. All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture present (even people who aren't liked and would never get invited to parties).

40. Trucks use their horns at random (no hang on, that happens in real life too!).

 

That's awesome.. I was thinking of another one, but I forgot now... I'll get back to you on that one!

 

That's because all they have is fifties and the cabbie isn't about to complain. Conversely, I've seen a few comedies where they try it with a five and the cabbie does complain.

Yeah, they design it that way now; this happens in RL.

Dead weight with no further purpose. I'm too much of a packcat to do that, though.

The other side of this one is that cars will never explode even if several bullets are pumped into the gas tank.

That's actually true, 'cause there's only one left 'round these parts, and he's got a red cloth fetish. (Seriously, where have you ever seen an attendant?)

 

I love how people always buy french loaves at the supermarket in brown paper bags. That's such a classic.

 

Furthermore a car is the perfect hiding place when in a gunfight! Of course bullets cannot travel through thin metal surfaces!

 

Actually, they don't. I don't remember where now - but on some forum I was browsing there was some expert in guns and such bitching about how people always had to make bullets more dramatic by having them spark when they hit things - when apparently they don't.

Also, Mythbusters fired several bullets into gas tanks and nothing happened except holes.

 

Here's another one for you...

No matter where you live in Paris, your house/appartment will always have a view of the Eiffel Tower.

 

Haha, most of these can be used in the Lethal Weapon movies or Beverly Hills Cop


Good stuff, I say

 

Um. This happens IRL - bakeries sell you bread in PAPER bags (mine uses bleached white ones, but still) since plastic bags will retain water evaporating from the bread and thus make it soggy... sorry.


EDIT: Oh, and even though the bullet/gas tank thing has been settled already (Mythbusters for teh win! Good job, Aikanaro! ) I feel the need to remind people that even in our cars a gasoline vapour is what is actually combustible; liquid petrol won't do much until it starts evaporating into the air around the puddle...

 

Yeah, but whenever I go to the supermarket, I never ever see anybody buying french loaves!

 

Here French loafs usually come in clear perforated bags, not paper.

Oh God, I'm talking about French bread bags... must get out more

 

huh perhaps it's me but my parents and I often buy french loafs, and it *do* come in paper... must be me though.

Anyway this is hilarious, and it's called Hollywodd bull****

 

Well, if movies were exactly real, they wouldn't really be that interesting. The hollywood-izations make for better entertainment, which movies are.

 

Blaspheme! Heathen! Disbeliever! 'tis why Hollywood bull*** still exist some people regards cinema as a lowly form of entertainment. It is not called 7th art for nothing you know. When will people start seeing cinema as what it's truly is. Meh it's no wonder then, that in the US less than 1% movies shown are none hollywood crap.

 

Here's one

When shooting at somebody you will never run out of bullets or have to reload until you get to the head bad guy at which point you will only have two bullets left.

 

So I take it you don't like action movies? Because in every action movie, the main character always shoots cars that explode, or never run out of ammo. Every action movie is hollywood-ized. It is impossible for a movie to be un-hollywoodish (unless its and indie film, and you rarely see those in big theaters), just because it is not entertaining if there aren't explosions or things that are not perfectly realistic.

 

How about: "Any teenager can master in two months all what his/her oriental teacher learnt in a lifetime of dedication to the martial arts".

 

You couldn't be more far away from the point there. My point is not about action movies or any genre movies. It's about the monopoly of crapful movie hollywood make. And you exactly proven my point in saying unless its and indie film, and you rarely see those in big theaters You see hollywood force you to view their crap.

Do you really think only Hollywood make movie? Do you really think that? (And btw I'm talking abot hollywood not about US' movie, quite a few independent are quite good indeed)

Well lesse a few ''non-hollywood'' movie worth to view

Run Lola Run (Lola rennt) - Germany
A Very Long Engagemen (Un long dimanche de fiancaille) - France
Vamyr ( Vampyr - Der Traum des Allan Gre) - Germany/France
Good bye Lenin! (79 qm DDR) - Germany
Yojimbo - Japan
Kagemusha - Japan
Seven Samurai (Shichinin no samurai) - Japan
Derzu Usula - ex-USSR (Russia) / Japan
Amelie from Montmartre (Le Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain) - France
Nosferatu - Germany
C.R.A.Z.Y. - Québec
Jesus of Montreal (Jésus de Montréal) - Québec
The Decline of the American Empir (Le déclin de l'empire américain) - Québec

And so you know, Lola Rennt, Shichinin no samurai, Kagemusha, and Yojimbo do have lots of action but they are not hollywoodish in any crapfull way

 

How about:
- Every woman that wakes up in the early morning, will have perfect make up and their hair would not be messed up.

- In those C.S.I. series, everybody knows about EVERYTHING, but always the other person won't know the particular thing the other is explaining.

- PC's will always beep at every screen you open or anything you click on and those PC's are the fasters PC's on earth. And they always use weird programs; also, just few seconds after inserting a diskette, people don't use Windows Explorer but another browser that instantly shows what the diskette has.

-The sh***est sports team will always come up victorious against the reigning champions against all odds BUT if the coach is a famos actor (Al Pacino, Keanu Reaves, Emilio Estevez, etc).

- Nobody who gets shot in the shoulder gets a pnemothorax and their shoulder heals completely in no time.

- After 2 minutes top, anyone that just came out water, will have his/her clothes/hair dry.

- Glass never hurts if your intention is to break through it with your hand to open a door.

- Any blurry, out of focus security footage still can be "enhanced" to high resolution.

- Any distorted, noisy audio recording can be "filtered" to clear and distinguishable, revealing a helpful and informative voice.

 

Ah, those are good ones, Sydax.

How about the fact that serial killers always leave elaborate hidden clues at the scene of the crime that are specifically designed to lead genius detectives to the site of their next victim.