Bad People

Remove all ads!

That's true Dice; but we can't fix the past. We can't fix any damage we caused others in the past; all we can do is apologize and hope that the other person finds their own peace of mind. That and try not to continue the cycle any further. Those of us that are capable of feeling remorse do feel it about the things we've done. I know I do and I'm frequently apologizing to the people that I felt I wasn't nice to. Most claim they don't even remember it and I honestly hope that's true. But constantly beating ourselves up with remorse isn't a positive way to move forward either. WE know and fear the harm we might have caused those we cared about; but there isn't anything we can really do about it now but hold out hope for them. If they were psychologically damaged by our actions then it's up to them to recover; just as it's up to us to recover from the harm that was done to us.

 

True again WP, with the knowledge that we are responsible for our further actions we are faced with the responsibility to ensure that we never act in such ways again.

I do not beat myself up with my mistakes l, since that would simply be an act of shaming myself - usually an attempt to avoid accountability for those actions.

As for apologizing, especially to those we have harmed ***physically, emotionally or psychological wouldn’t be deferential in my experience *** we can make amends, rather than apologize by altering our behaviors on a permanent basis, wether those we have harmed ever know about or regret or not.

Again, I can only speak from my own experiences. Many of those I harmed either prefer never to see or hear from me again or (at my age) have passed beyond being contacted to offer an apology.

And opportunity to apologize may happen but only if they seek me out for knowledge of or said apology. To approach someone I have victimized, could very well simply re-victimize them again by reawakening memories they may have already relinquished. It is not my ‘right’ to approach them with an apology in my efforts to offer them closure of the past, simply because I myself might need their forgiveness.

And you can believe me when I say, carrying the burden of my past, though painful in and of itself, pales in comparison to the pain they may have endured and the pain I would create for myself were I to cause them harm atop the harm I had already caused.

 

@WickedPrince @DamagedDad I'm well aware that you can't fix the past. Some people may even try to forgive you if they see you are truly remorseful. Like I said, both sides need help if we're going to change anything for our future generations.

Damaged - I appreciate your point about sometimes causing harm in people by just seeing them. I appreciate that you were put in a position as a child that changed you forever. I'm sad that you had to abuse others to try and cover up ugly truths you saw about yourself. Your remorse and trying to make yourself a better person does mean something.

 

Both sides need help that's true; but as I've seen for myself all you can do is offer it and hope that the individuals accept. I spent decades in denial that there was a problem while I slowly got worse. I felt that any problems I did have I would overcome in time on my own. It wasn't until I reached a crisis point where I truly felt that my own life was in danger that I sought help. You can't force a person to accept help if they don't want it because they won't get anything from it.

 

Which brings us back to the topic of the thread. Bad People.

While I know that there are some people who ‘think’ they don’t care and tell themselves the old adages of “might makes right” and “I’m going to do for me and mine” (mostly for themselves) the instances of truly ‘bad’ human beings are much lower than many suppose.

I was / am counted among the “bad people” for the things I have done, even to this day - some 32 + years later. And without a doubt the things I did, for whatever reasons - be it my past or the venting of the pain from my own abused childhood - I take responsibility for those actions now.

If a reason could be offered for any ‘bad’ behaviors by human beings it would be simple ignorance. I truly thought that I had no other choices, that life plays out like a scripted play and the role I had been cast in was that of the villain or monster.

I lived, as I had experienced life as a child, hurting and being hurt by others and by my own inflicted pain onto others.

As you mentioned, it took a crisis of catastrophic proportions to wake me to an awareness of self and my behaviors to shatter the screen of that ignorance.

In my case, that awakening gifted me with the choice to “not continue to do the things I had been doing” and the awareness of having the choice was much more appealing than returning to the old behaviors through willful ignorance.

Ignorance of self and my behaviors I have learned to accept and forgive. But willful ignorance is my definition of true stupidity and choosing to act stupidly is a choice to be the evil I had seen myself as being for too many years.

Being evil is willfully choosing to do what one knows is wrong. Knowing the results and choosing to continue in the course of action anyway is simply choosing to act stupidly.

Or, as Forrest Gump liked to say:
“My momma says that Stupid is as Stupid does.”

Thank you all for allowing me to share on this thread. I’m not allowed on Facebook - they frowned on my past when “friends” informed them of it, and I was told to never come back.

The subject of ‘bad people’ caught my attention when searching for gaming tips and I am glad to have been allowed to share what little I know through my own experiences.

 

Yes, it seems like you chose your user name specifically because of this topic and you can thank the moderators for allowing you to share. This is a website for RPG's so keep in mind that maybe some of the people here might not be happy about your posts. I hope you choose to continue to make yourself a better person and never fall back into your old ways.